Creative Minds Look Here

[TimDris]

Okay as many of you know I'm in a contest called Mr. Kinnelon (i think i made a thread for it but I can't find it). Anyways I need to write a bio to be read for me and it should be funny. Well I have no idea what to write and its due tomorrow. So basically I am asking for all of your best 1 liners and funny quotes to "describe myself". +rep for good ones!

[fenikz]

tell em that there is no slippin in your pimp and no slackin in your mackin

or do as i do and just quote Marky Mark

[scottyboy]

there's a list of reasons you should date a hockey player out there. Find a good quote from that.

[TimDris]

there's a list of reasons you should date a hockey player out there. Find a good quote from that.

only problem is it has to be "appropriate." and the teacher who is running it won't let me use humor that hints at stuff

[kwilk103]

jeez, do you need help with everything?

first, askin a girl to prom, now writing a bio for you

[regoob2]

only problem is it has to be "appropriate." and the teacher who is running it won't let me use humor that hints at stuff
Make fun of your teacher for being a dork.

[BaLLiN]

what you do is bring a laptop on the stage, project what you are doing on it, and start posting in here, show them what your life is all about.

Id really consider doing something with microsoft sam though....

[TimDris]

jeez, do you need help with everything?

first, askin a girl to prom, now writing a bio for you

i lov you guys.... you all save my ass...

[adschofield]

Don't worry Tim, your bio will be posted in a minute, I got your back...

[badgerbacker]

tell em that there is no slippin in your pimp and no slackin in your mackin

or do as i do and just quote Marky MarkQuoting Marky Mark is your best bet.

[adschofield]

Without further delay...All you need to do is substitute "he" with "I"... It's very original ;)

Despite popular belief the cliché story that Diggs grew up as a poor child, in the ghetto and with only one parent isn’t true. Diggs had as modest a childhood as any normal American child. His mother Janet stayed home to look after the family and Memphis’ father Antoine Diggs was one of the most respected members of the community, to this day he still works as a barber. Memphis was the very definition of a “Poster child” in his elementary days. A multiple sport athlete and an honor-roll student. This success carried Memphis into high-school. In his freshman year, Memphis seemed to have it all. A two-sport athlete, captain of the football team and an honor-roll student. However things changed for Memphis, during his sophomore year in high school he joined a neighborhood gang, following the lead of his best friend Julius Woodson. It was this act that can be book-marked as the turning point in Memphis’ life. After only a few months of being in the gang Julius was killed in a drive-bye shooting involving a rival gang. It was at this point says Janet Diggs that Memphis ignored his studies and his troubles began. Memphis moved out of his parents home to live with fellow gang member Kwazi Gnebule. The two, infuriated with their then leader Jamal Pierce for his lack of urgency to retaliate against Woodson's killers, murdered Pierce. An act that broke the first rule of gangs. Memphis and Kwazi had planned to run the gang after murdering Pierce however that was not the case. The deception of the two murdering their leader caught the ears of gangs state wide, they were now the center of a manhunt. Memphis and Kwazi, hiding from both police and gangs hid-out in the suburbs, never venturing into the city. For more than a month they hid-out stealing food and money from different houses almost every night. Their luck ran out however, the series of break-ins lead to a neighborhood watch and increased police cars patrolling the streets. The two were arrested with long lists of offences. Kwazi was charged with first degree murder while Memphis was charged with being an accomplice, he later testified to driving Kwazi to and from the murder. Kwazi was sentenced 25-life while Memphis, who at the time was 17 caught a break. He was sentenced to a youth-prison until he turned 18, upon turning 18 he transferred over to the penitentiary. Due to him being first sentenced to a youth-prison Memphis was able to benefit from the education program the youth-prison offered, this program carried over with him during his transfer to the state penitentiary. Memphis was able to earn a high-school diploma through a tutor while in prison. Under the young-offenders act he also had the choice to continue learning with the tutor, he chose to do so for the remainder of his sentence. He did more than learn while in prison however. Despite being one of the younger inmates Diggs became well respected by other prisoners, his physical prowless and long tenure made him a leader of sorts in the prison. However of everything that happened in the prison none was more brutal than the sport they played, Blood Ball. Blood Ball is a sport where two teams of 5 members each bet food, sheets, etc. Everything that could be bet was. The sport was modeled after football, the team to take the dumbbell to the opposing teams endzone the most would win. This sport had no rules and was so vicious, disturbing and deadly that making it out alive was half the battle. It was at this sport that Diggs earned his reputation as the most feared man in the prison. Interviews with guards and released prisoners alike about the sport all said that Diggs was ruthless in it, his team never lost a game, he became a legend. It was through these interviews that the prison sport had become a hotbed for discussion. After being offered 450 thousand dollars the warden allowed HBO to film a 1-hour documentary about the sport. In the documentary (rated Adult, discontinued) inmates are interviewed and a game is shown. In the game footage a team of 5 guys walks out to cheers, the captain a big, tattooed, chistled, menacing man who goes by the name “Destruction”. Immediately the first thunderous hit is laid, “Destruction” throws the dumbbell carrier against the wall, before taking the dumbbell from his fallen opponent “Destruction” punches the helpless inmate subsequently eliminating him from the game. He then takes the dumbbell and works his way up field to cheers, a tackler comes in only to be clocked in the back of the head with the dumbbell, dead on contact. “Destruction” went on to score as well as win the game, HBO interviewed “Destruction”, when asked his real name he responded Memphis Diggs. Upon Diggs release he was immediately contacted by the AFFL’s now defunct Buffalo Spartans, he was signed to lucrative 3-year contract. Diggs who had played football from childhood to high school until being sentenced caught the eye of the Spartans through the HBO documentary Blood Ball. In his 3 years as a Spartan Diggs played in only 7 games. He was dominant when he played but suspensions kept him off the field. He now enters the AFFL Entry/Free Agent Draft a wildcard.

[TimDris]

hahaha. i think ill throw in the gang idea to my bio. i dont want to steal it word for word. MoS might show up outside my house like in that movie..

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/6818/secretwindowpichc7.jpg

[adschofield]

lol...but seriously, what does your bio have to include?

[scottyboy]

talk about Ray Rice's thighs!!! guaranteed success right there

[TimDris]

basically like likes/dislikes. um personal opinion of yourself. why you think you should win. and like brief background story of yourself. im starting to brainstorm. mine (much like everyone elses) is going to be cocky/ridiculous.

[adschofield]

Include the fact that you enjoy long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, and fruity drinks

[Cashmoney]

"I am what I am, and that's all that I am."

[roidrunner]

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." theres your quote

[roidrunner]

also "its not peer-pressure, its just your turn"

[badgerbacker]

"Au naturale baby, that's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."

[kalbears13]

Tell the hamburgalar story.

[Xiomera]

Tell the hamburgalar story.

Creek ought to have a copyright on that story . . .

[Brent]

"Au naturale baby, that's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."
One of the best Office quotes ever.

[awfullyquiet]

i lov you guys.... you all save my ass...

Dude. Man Up.

(WHY AM I SAYING THIS?!)

[Bills2083]

So how'd it turn out?

[Brent]

Dude. Man Up.

(WHY AM I SAYING THIS?!)
Because you are entirely apathetic to anyone's view of you on this board?