Funny Drunk Story Thread

[Donno]

Okay fellas I'm looking for a good laugh go ahead.

[Lil B]

this is one about when I'm high..

So One day, me and my partner decided to go get a bag of kush, you know. So we ride all the way into da hood in East dallas, and buy a dub sack and go to his apartment, turn on that Hawks/Celtics and start blowing away. this is kush, so it starts hitting immediately. My legs start shaking and I try to communicate to it telepathically to stop shaking. Then for some reason during the game, the players were playing without a ball. I saw Josh Smith just dunk it on a fool but there was no ball to be seen anywhere. The fool just dunked, and I jumped and said Ooo. then phase 2 started kicking in after a few more hits. I start looking at my friend and staring at him hard, and every 5 seconds, I stare at his face and can't help it. And he keep asking me to stop staring at him. So I stare at him even more and I start quoting Lil Webbie on the song Smoking On Purple, and he's like shut dat sh-t up. After a while, I get paranoid, and begin to think that he's going to beat me up, and I say to him " bro don't beat me up fool, I'm sorry". And I keep asking him are you mad, "and he keeps smiling saying I'm not mad at you." I get cotton mouth to the extreme and It gets so bad that I decided to chew a piece of gum, well the gum tasted so sweet that it was choking me, so I start slobering on myself, I thought I was being real slick with it, By hiding under my jacket, but he could see me perfectly. He asks me not to lay down on his couch, but I'm so blown that I hear him, but can't obey his commands, so I continue laying down. After the celtics-Hawks game, I'm still high, but I gotta get home, so he takes me home and our way there, we're on the highway and I can't see a damn thing, It appeared that we were surrounded by a tunnell of darkness since both sides of the highway are the lake ray hubbard, and the only lights I can make out are from a Valero on an overpas..As we get closer to my house, I can barely make anything out and all I see is the street lights and sh-t.So I stumble into the house, real slick and head straight to my room where I feel amazing and ****-ed up at the same time. I get up 20 minutes later to listen to some more boosie, and eat some rice or whatever, and then go back to sleep, tossign and turning and still feeling the effects of my high, wake up the next morning lightheaded feeling good, and all that stuff, and still a little buzzed.

[drowe]

this is a good thread idea. +rep for the first person who tells a story involving them porking a fattie.

[Rayray52]

I got really shithoused last night at my buddys hockey game, which happens to also be at my school and puked all over the lobby and the ticket counter in front of several of my profs and about 500 other students.....

[SuperKevin]

this is a good thread idea. +rep for the first person who tells a story involving them porking a fattie.

So one night me and DG's mom.......

[Gay Ork Wang]

a whale is not fat, they are supposed to be like that

[bored of education]

Lets all make up funny stories to pretend we are funny and to get more rep
yay

[Jvig43]

Lets all make up funny stories to pretend we are funny and to get more rep
yay

NO way! is that a true story? Your crazy man ++++++++++REP your DA MAN! lol

[tjsunstein]

I played the game pound with a bottle of jaeger once and had to chug it for 8 seconds. I was successful then not even 3 minutes later I threw up out of my nose onto the kitchen table.

[Brent]

These types of stories remind me of this SNL clip: http://www.sickjokes.net/media/ndferrell.wmv

[NYGibril28]

well this is the best i got

Was drunk one night, and that night happened to be the first time I've used an illegal drug, WHICH I DO NOT CONDONE BTW, and needless to say I was a little out of it. My friends and I went to a commuter parking lot to smoke cigars and come down off of our high, but me and this one other kid were the only ones who had smoked so we were especially out of it. We stayed in my friend's car while everyone else was outside throwing a football around, and apparently, we didn't move at all. My friend told me the next day I was just looking straight ahead, not talking, eyes open. He got back in the car, and I asked "we're leaving already?" and he said "dude, we've been here for about an hour..." which came as a shock to me. I was dropped off at home and don't remember doing anything, but i woke up the next morning with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my hand, with the corners bitten off. I had put everything away though. I haven't smoked since.

[fischbowl]

So we were eating some mushrooms in my friend's basement in a relatively nice suburb of Buffalo that I am relatively familiar with (kind of like one of those development communities). We were watching hockey (weirdest ****) and everyone was fine to say the least until we realize that one of our friends who was there went missing. WTF? By now we've stopped hallucinating and realize he had really gone missing. So we went out to look for him everywhere. Top's, Anderson's, anywhere we thought of. Nowhere. Tried calling his phone and on about the seventeenth or so time he picks up.

"Hello?"
"Where the **** are you?"
"What?"
"We've been looking for you for two hours now, where the **** did you go?"

Turns out he was in the house the whole time and he had fallen asleep on the toilet.

[Whistler6]

I'll keep it short and simple.

My buddy was 3 days away from turning 21. On New Year's Eve we went out drank at a party (got drunk), then went to a Burger King on the way back.. The girl at the counter was being realllllllly snobby for some reason.

So, my friend sees an employee of the month picture on the wall of her.. Grabs and pulls it off as we leave. It was velcro'd on haha.

Well, she sees him do it, calls the cops, he gets arrested. Not only did he get charged for stealing a plastic velcro picture frame, but he got an underage 3 days before turning 21.

no fun, for anyone

[MetSox17]

Me and some friends recently stole a speed limit sign from a rural road in the middle of no where over here, drunk as hell at about 4 in the morning. He boosted me up while i wrenched that baby off the pole. It took a while, but we were successful. I'm thinking of welding some legs on it and making it a night stand.

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

One time I was at a party and there was all kinds of people there. Well the girl who lived there started kicking certain people out(people were getting crazy stealing and ****) Well my homeboy ended up grabbing this big ass permanent marker and draws this huge most ***** on her basement wall. It had so much detail and everything. One day we were over her house and she was bitching about someone drawing a big ass dick on her wall. It was hilarious

[Gay Ork Wang]

And since the boy who did it was dead, i told her it was my boy, it was hilarious????????? WHAT?

[Bosanac01]

metsox you crazy drunken *****.

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

And since the boy who did it was dead, i told her it was my boy, it was hilarious????????? WHAT?

well i edited off because i didnt feel like explaining but since you read it before i got to edit it i will tell you. The boy who did it was a good friend of mine but he died from a asthma attack. Well since he was dead and she was talking about it i told her it was him.

[MetSox17]

Always a great excuse. Blame it on the dead guy.

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

Always a great excuse. Blame it on the dead guy.

well i would of never told her if he was alive but since he was dead i figure she couldnt do nothing about it

[Gay Ork Wang]

Always a great excuse. Blame it on the dead guy.
yea i was like...yea a dead guy is always hilarious...

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

Well this one is crazy.(I am quite the alcoholic so i have a lot of stories) One night me and a couple people are over my friends house and were getting smashed. We had a half gallon of E&J and a half gallon of Paul Mason. We were also smoking. One of my friends was passed out on the couch and was out for a while. Well out of no where out the corner of my eye i see him getting up. So I look over and I see him stand up and do the motion with his hand like he was opening a door. Then he walks a couple steps into the middle of the living room(everyone right there) and he pulls his **** out and just pisses all over this girls living room floor. It was price less because she was screaming at him and he was so smashed he wouldn't wake up out of his blackout.

[TimDris]

I don't remember any of this but i''l describe to you what my roommate saw when he came home the next morning.

He said he walked into our apartment and kew something had to be wrong due to the fact that all the furniture in the first room was flipped over. he proceeded to inspect the place and saw water stains on the walls and the ice cube trays thrown around the room, as well as all the knifes. he also saw half made sandwiches thrown around and the kitchen was a mess. when he looked in my room my mattress was missing and there was no one there. when he went into his room i was blacked out on mattress on one side of the room. on the other side our other friend was sleeping on his bed. anyways we later pieced everything togetehr and it turns out we had a knife/ice cube fight. the furniture was our protection. we didnt remember anything lol

[ATLDirtyBirds]

I've got a ton of good stories. Here's one... I'm pretty drunk. My friend gets a call from a number he doesn't recognize. He picks up and starts talking and says something like "What? I don't know who that is." I ask him what's going on and he tells me that this girl is asking for some kid. I took the phone and started chatting it up, and basically she got extremely annoying. (Managed to ******** my way through without revealing I'm this person she called for) So I said "Listen. You've become quite annoying. Can we skip this nonsense and have you just tell me if you are attractive or not because if you are I'd take you on my couch right now." Giggles on the other end, then she says I have to call my boyfriend to talk about this, I'll have him call you. Needless to say, I'm not scared or worried at all. I'd be down for kicking some kids ass. So I'm drinking some more, and waiting for this kid to call back. Doesn't. 30 minutes later I get a call back from the mother. I didn't realize it because of my state, that it was a different person. So I said something to the effect of, what is your bra size? And she says something like, I hope you aren't talking about my daughter. And I said, so how old are you then? She said something like, 33. I reply with, "that's not a big deal, I've ****** older." And then she was rambling on, and I just said I **** BITCHES into the phone quite loudly.

[SuperKevin]

I've got a ton of good stories. Here's one... I'm pretty drunk. My friend gets a call from a number he doesn't recognize. He picks up and starts talking and says something like "What? I don't know who that is." I ask him what's going on and he tells me that this girl is asking for some kid. I took the phone and started chatting it up, and basically she got extremely annoying. (Managed to ******** my way through without revealing I'm this person she called for) So I said "Listen. You've become quite annoying. Can we skip this nonsense and have you just tell me if you are attractive or not because if you are I'd take you on my couch right now." Giggles on the other end, then she says I have to call my boyfriend to talk about this, I'll have him call you. Needless to say, I'm not scared or worried at all. I'd be down for kicking some kids ass. So I'm drinking some more, and waiting for this kid to call back. Doesn't. 30 minutes later I get a call back from the mother. I didn't realize it because of my state, that it was a different person. So I said something to the effect of, what is your bra size? And she says something like, I hope you aren't talking about my daughter. And I said, so how old are you then? She said something like, 33. I reply with, "that's not a big deal, I've ****** older." And then she was rambling on, and I just said I **** BITCHES into the phone quite loudly.

How old are you if this girl's mother is only 33?

[Gay Ork Wang]

im always to drunk to remember anything

[ATLDirtyBirds]

How old are you if this girl's mother is only 33?

The girl wasn't anyone I knew. She could have been 7, and I would have had no idea.

[SuperKevin]

The girl wasn't anyone I knew. She could have been 7, and I would have had no idea.

Then you sir a pedophile. I demand you notify everyone via your sig

[ATLDirtyBirds]

Then you sir a pedophile. I demand you notify everyone via your sig


Never. Seriously though, they were probably in HS to be calling my friend. And if not, "she sounded 18, I swear."

[bored of education]

atl is more ****** up than I am. WOW i got head from 13 year old when i was 17 but never a 7 year old. sick ****

[ATLDirtyBirds]

atl is more ****** up than I am. WOW i got head from 13 year old when i was 17 but never a 7 year old. sick ****

Easy there bud. I was just in negotiations. Just testing out the waters.

[Jvig43]

Hey no grass on the field fair game

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

atl is more ****** up than I am. WOW i got head from 13 year old when i was 17 but never a 7 year old. sick ****

Hey you weren't 18 yet so its all legal. DID SHE HAVE HAIR!!!!! :)

[MetSox17]

Hey no grass on the field fair game

I think you got it a little jumbled.. it's "If there's grass in the infield, play ball".

[TitleTown088]

I passed out taking a dump at Kevin Costners restaurant in Deadwood last week... Funny, or sad?

[themaninblack]

I think you got it a little jumbled.. it's "If there's grass in the infield, play ball".

If there's no grass on the field, play in the mud.

[fischbowl]

I passed out taking a dump at Kevin Costners restaurant in Deadwood last week... Funny, or sad?

My verdict: Awesome

[Jvig43]

I think you got it a little jumbled.. it's "If there's grass in the infield, play ball".

i know i said the opposite as it applied to this situation...... my attempt at making a joke. :(

[regoob2]

I dont feel like telling the whole story but it ended with a hooker getting punched. (not by me)

[MetSox17]

I'm passing this off as a story i heard of a pair of twins i know, but allegedly, one of the guys, while in mexico, tried paying a hooker to let him eat her out. I heard he was successful.

[RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES]

wow why would you pay to eat a nasty hooker out. Especially in Mehico

[regoob2]

wow why would you pay to eat a nasty hooker out. Especially in MehicoThat is a head scratcher.

[MetSox17]

That is a head scratcher.

Oh, trust me, when i heard that i didn't know if to laugh or scratch my head.

[TitleTown088]

I was once drug into a brothel with my friend in Palma De Mallorca while intoxicated. Yada yada yada, it ended with my friend crushing a hooker and being recorded on video( without his knowing) while doing so.

[TimDris]

im leaving for a baseball tourny now (beer pong game) so i should have some interesting one about tonight. it should be out of hand haha

[critesy]

i once saw a cat who looked like hitler.

[critesy]

-theres was this female teacher at my school who had a daughter in my grade and she had a party without the rents there and i ended up passing out naked in mommas bed, woke up in the morning and started playing the guitar naked and waking everyone up.


-theres this event called craven country jamboree that happens once a year and its a country music concert in a big valley for like a week and everyone camps out and gets ridicuously trashed for a week straight.. anyways one night after a concert, people started driving home cause they didnt stay or whatever and im on one of the main roads with only my shorts on and theyre rolled up into a thong-esque look and im telling cars to stop because "i dropped my glasses on the road" and i caused a huuge traffic jam cause i was pretending to find them, then 10 minutes later i pulled them out of my pocket and said they were in my pocket the whole time and everyone was so furious, it was awesome.

-continuing on with the craven stories... same day, shorts/thong esque thing, super drunk... and i was trying to lasou random girls who walked by my campsite and out of like 100 people who walked by, i actually got one... and someone got a video of it, i was so happy. fin.

[critesy]

im on a roll remebering them now,,.

-my one friend passed out so hard that he was like choking/snoring like a effin rtard, so me and my friend got like cheese slices for some reason and covered his face in cheese and then we bored ketchup all over his face and dropped hot sauce in his mouth and what not, then like a hour later he woke up asking why his mouth was on fire, beautiful.

-same night, i have this fat friend who passed out naked on a couch with a beer in his hand, thats besides the point though.. andhe had a blanket covering his legs and stuff but his upper body was opend up so me and my same friend went and grabbed some ranch dressing? and poured it all over his chest for some reason and then he woke up as we did it and he started to run after us and while he was he hgot ranch all over the carpet and walls and what not, ahhh. poor house.

edit: i have pictures for this night, i shall try and find them.

[tjsunstein]

With the ranch dressing, fat friends, and country concerts, I find it hard to believe you're from Canada. You sound like you're from Kentucky or some ****.

[Donno]

edit: i have pictures for this night, i shall try and find them.

Please haha

[drowe]

yeah, i'm old. i'm 7 years removed from my college days. BUT, when ya go camping with a group of friends, it's a drunken good time, no matter how old ya are.

so, about 3 summers ago, my wife and i and a bunch of our old, married couple friends got a group campsite in NW Wisconsin. Got there friday, drank and swam and hung out by the beach all day saturday. important to note that the beach was about a mile away from our campsite.

so, it got to be about 1 am. we were all mostly drunk, and decided skinnydipping needed to happen. so, we piled into my friends truck and he drove about 8 of us down to the beach. this is where i learned that there are 2 kinds of skinnydippers:

1-smart ones, that go into the lake with their clothes on and take 'em off when they're in the water, and just hold on to their clothes the whole time. our group only consisted of 3 smart people, apparently.

2-dumbasses like me, who start stripping as soon as they get out of the car and throw their clothes all over the beach and run into the water totally naked.

ok, on with the story. we were all splashing around...trying to sneak a peak at our naked friends of the opposite sex, when a beam from a flashlight hits us and we hear an angry voice yell, "get out of the water and up here, right now!" yup, it was the forrest ranger. he got a noise complaint. problem was, he was standing right by most of our clothes...so, if he was mad at us for being loud at 1:30 in the morning, he was gonna be pretty pissed when he saw most of us naked.

soooooo, the 3 smart skinnydippers snuck their clothes back on and went to talk to the ranger. the rest of us just waited and inched closer to shore. the funniest mental image of this whole night is my friend talking to the ranger, while my wife randomly threw underwear into the lake for us to put on.

so, the ranger gave us a very strern warning and told us to return to our site. well, we were all just charged. laughing like crazy, jumping around, so we all piled into my friends truck again. most of us still naked as my wife's attempts at throwing underwear only resulted in a sacrifice to the lake gods.

the ride back was interesting. cramming 5 people in the backseat of a car when they're either naked or mostly naked results in some very questionable touching.

so, we got back to the campsite, told the rest of the party what happened, never bothered to put our clothes back on....and, within 10 minutes, our ranger friend was back...and needless to say, he wasn't too impressed to find most of our party runnning around naked.

in case you were wondering, a drunk and disorderly ticket in wisconsin is $158. no complaints though. i'm mostly sure an indecent exposure ticket is slightly more.

[CJSchneider]

Great story!!!

[YAYareaRB]

Last weekend I went to a house party and everyone was pretty wasted. So Beyonce's "Single Ladies" comes on and some girls start doing the routine. About 45 seconds into the routine one of the girls just stops and stares blankly at everyone. The next thing you know she starts puking EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE.. like fountain of puke was spewing from her mouth. The girl who threw the party was crying but everyone else was laughing so hard. Good times

[critesy]

Last weekend I went to a house party and everyone was pretty wasted. So Beyonce's "Single Ladies" comes on and some girls start doing the routine. About 45 seconds into the routine one of the girls just stops and stares blankly at everyone. The next thing you know she starts puking EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE.. like fountain of puke was spewing from her mouth. The girl who threw the party was crying but everyone else was laughing so hard. Good times


ahahaha thats so funny but so gross at the time. thats awesome ahah.

[cdub11]

I brought this dude I work with and my cousin over to my friends’ house. 4 of them all share this nice house. So we are all drinking on the front porch. The dude I work with doesn’t know any of my friends. After about an hour or so he is getting pretty drunk and starts telling all my friends how he can out drink everyone there and Im like dude calm down its not a contest. So he gets out a fifth of captain morgan and tips it back and drinks about a third of the bottle. After about 15 minutes he is completely hammered and cant stand or speak anymore so he walks over to my cousins car and lays down in the back seat and passes out. My friends and I start laughing and continue to drink and hang out. An hour goes by and we see him lift up inside the car and we start to hear this noise and realize the dude is pissing in my cousins back seat and as soon as he finishes he lays down in his piss and passes out again. My cousin is freaking out that the dude just pissed in the back seat of his car so we jump in the car and go to 7-11 to get some febreeze. We get to 7-11 and there are about 20 people or so inside, so we go in and get the febreeze and take it to the counter and the guy working says haha did someone puke, so we tell him the story about the dude I work with peeing in the car, immediately the guy working at 7-11 says is it the same guy that is peeing on the front door of the store. So my cousin and I turn around and look and there is the dude I work with pissing on the front door of 7-11, everyone in the store is laughing hysterically, he gets done pissing on the door and goes right back to car and passes out again, so we apologize to the guy working and he says not to worry about it because it was the funniest thing he has ever seen. So we leave and take drunk ass home. The following Monday I told everyone at work what had happened and he never lived it down.

[tjsunstein]

An hour goes by and we see him lift up inside the car and we start to hear this noise and realize the dude is pissing in my cousins back seat and as soon as he finishes he lays down in his piss and passes out again.

If that was my car I would probably leave the guy outside. Someone threw up all over himself in my car once and I left him outside of the party we just left shirtless in like 20 degree weather drunk as hell at like 2 am. I warned him before hand.

[ATLDirtyBirds]

If that was my car I would probably leave the guy outside. Someone threw up all over himself in my car once and I left him outside of the party we just left shirtless in like 20 degree weather drunk as hell at like 2 am. I warned him before hand.



Yeah. You should always refrain from using your house/car in situations that may cause puking, pissing, etc.

At a friends place, I remember waking up and hearing this kid puking. So I'm a little dazed and calmly say, can you do that somewhere else like in the bathroom bud? Now, he's on his knees throwing up and turns back and says, "No. Now shut up." I was not a happy man after hearing this. So I said something and he turned around, and I pushed his head to the ground and stomped on his head once. He threw up once again, which woke up the kid whose house we were at. He says, "What the hell is going on?" I just pointed to this kid lying on the ground in tears with puke all around him. Basically, we picked him up and threw him out of the house. Got him in the morning and made him cleanup.

[tjsunstein]

Yeah. You should always refrain from using your house/car in situations that may cause puking, pissing, etc.

At a friends place, I remember waking up and hearing this kid puking. So I'm a little dazed and calmly say, can you do that somewhere else like in the bathroom bud? Now, he's on his knees throwing up and turns back and says, "No. Now shut up." I was not a happy man after hearing this. So I said something and he turned around, and I pushed his head to the ground and stomped on his head once. He threw up once again, which woke up the kid whose house we were at. He says, "What the hell is going on?" I just pointed to this kid lying on the ground in tears with puke all around him. Basically, we picked him up and threw him out of the house. Got him in the morning and made him cleanup.

Stomping on his head was a little drastic, jesus. Should have just clocked him. But you were probably too out of it to even think clearly therefore a stomp out is acceptable. haha

[ironman4579]

-theres was this female teacher at my school who had a daughter in my grade and she had a party without the rents there and i ended up passing out naked in mommas bed, woke up in the morning and started playing the guitar naked and waking everyone up.


-theres this event called craven country jamboree that happens once a year and its a country music concert in a big valley for like a week and everyone camps out and gets ridicuously trashed for a week straight.. anyways one night after a concert, people started driving home cause they didnt stay or whatever and im on one of the main roads with only my shorts on and theyre rolled up into a thong-esque look and im telling cars to stop because "i dropped my glasses on the road" and i caused a huuge traffic jam cause i was pretending to find them, then 10 minutes later i pulled them out of my pocket and said they were in my pocket the whole time and everyone was so furious, it was awesome.

-continuing on with the craven stories... same day, shorts/thong esque thing, super drunk... and i was trying to lasou random girls who walked by my campsite and out of like 100 people who walked by, i actually got one... and someone got a video of it, i was so happy. fin.

You live in Regina or Saskatoon?

[SuperKevin]

http://b9.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00642/91/20/642770219_l.jpg

This photo was taken approximately 6 minutes before my roommate set me and my bed on fire.

[ATLDirtyBirds]

Stomping on his head was a little drastic, jesus. Should have just clocked him. But you were probably too out of it to even think clearly therefore a stomp out is acceptable. haha



He's an annoying kid. That combined with the little attitude he gave me + my state= headstomp.

[tjsunstein]

http://b9.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00642/91/20/642770219_l.jpg

This photo was taken approximately 6 minutes before my roommate set me and my bed on fire.

Grain alcohol is never a good idea.

[ironman4579]

Alright, here we go. Most of my good stories come from the Army, but whatever.

So, me and a couple friends decided to go out to the club one night. I'm not a very big guy, like 5'7 175 at that time. One of my buddies was about the same size, but our other friend is about 6'5" 240 lbs. That's just to set the stage for later.

Anyway, we're at the club, and we're getting pretty drunk (me and the big guy. My other buddy was the DD for the night because we borrowed another friends truck for the night). While we're sitting down for a second, I get whapped in the back of the head by an elbow. I have no idea if it was on purpose, but in my drunken state, I thought sure it was.

I saw where the guy sat, and he was at a table with about 5 friends. I go up to get a couple more beers, and as I'm walking by, I give him a chicken wing to the back of the head. Now in my mind at that point, I wasn't trying to start a fight. I was just letting him know that I knew he had gotten me, and now things were even.

Well, I get my beers and turn around, and there's two guys right in my face screaming at me. Both are bigger than I am by quite a bit, maybe 5'11. But I start yelling right back. Needless to say, I'm about to get my ass kicked most likely.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I see this massive paw come in and wrap around the one dudes neck. It's my big friend, who had noticed what was going on. Now both of these guys are wide eyed and look pretty scared, especially the guy with the ham wrapped around his neck staring into the eyes of a pissed off, drunk bear. My buddy just goes "Leave my friend alone." And that was that. They took off and we enjoyed the rest of the night.

Now for the stupid part. So we're driving back, and me and the big guy start having a little punching, slapping fight. When we get back home, my other buddy goes inside, while me and the big guy are still wresting around. Then he says, "hey, we should punch each other in the face."

Now, I'm not so drunk at this point that I don't realize this is really bad idea for me. So I said no way. But my friend had this magical ability to talk and eventually make you think that a really bad idea that he had was actually a really good idea that you had. So eventually I agree, saying "but I go first.", like that'll make some difference.

Now, I'm thinking if I don't hit him too hard, maybe he won't knock me out completely. So I punch him in the jaw kind of hard, but not full strength. He says "Ok, my turn" and drills me in the cheek. No kidding, I actually spun around and bounced off the wall. But it didn't hurt really at all. So I'm laughing, saying "Ok, ok, let's go in." What does he say? "One more"

I proceed to yell out "No more!" He then spends the next ten minutes convincing me that I had a really good idea to punch each other in the face again.

So this time, I'm a little woozy from the first one, and drunk enough to think this is a great idea. So I wind up and sock him. Problem is, I wind up and sock him right in the side of the neck. Really light actually, because I'm still thinking he won't hit me hard if I don't hit him hard. He grabs his neck and starts saying "I can't believe you hit me in the neck." I'm laughing as I say "Sorry, but I didn't hit your face, so I get one more."

So I barely tap him in the face. Now it's my turn. He winds up and blasts me in the cheek again. I actually saw a flash of white, spun around and bounced off the wall again, and then stood there laughing.

So now we're done and he say "Ok man, I just wanted to make sure you could take a punch in case we ever got in a fight" Now, I say that I have to go take a piss. So the last thing I remember is standing at the urinal pissing.

I wake up the next morning in my bed. My buddy must have found me passed out in the bathroom and carried me in there like a baby. I realize that my cheek is swollen up massively. And it stayed that way for about a week.

Well, about a month later, my buddy comes up to me and says "My neck still hurts. I think you did something to it." I did not feel bad. He then says "You know, when you punched me in the neck, it pissed me off, so I hit you as hard as I could." I wanted to hit him in the neck again.

[critesy]

ahahah thats awesome.. and i live in regina.

[ironman4579]

ahahah thats awesome.. and i live in regina.

Same here. I just moved back after moving back to the States in 2000.

[critesy]

Same here. I just moved back after moving back to the States in 2000.

ahaha **** man, how you like the weather here, frickin like -50 with the wind the past week or two but now its starting to warm up finally.

[critesy]

pictures from some of my stories

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v376/12/13/503198265/n503198265_1596993_1491.jpg

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v376/12/13/503198265/n503198265_1596994_1778.jpg

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v376/12/13/503198265/n503198265_1596995_2096.jpg

ahahaha oh man

[Brent]

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v115/158/21/29613040/n29613040_34257019_2388.jpg

not one of my proud moments

[MetSox17]

LOL Brent got chiefed!

[critesy]

ahahaha, thats awesome

another night we treated this fat kids face like a flippin colouring book, soo funny

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v370/79/38/555626151/n555626151_1449500_5400.jpg

[SuperKevin]

http://b4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00642/43/46/642756434_l.jpg

Shaving Cream attack or Elephant Bukkake?

[Brent]

LOL Brent got chiefed!
20 beers on a party bus will do that to you

[critesy]

http://b4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00642/43/46/642756434_l.jpg

Shaving Cream attack or Elephant Bukkake?

aahaha thats awesome... i love gettinh drunk and just doing the dumbest things

which leads me to this past weekend... i dunno if this is funny to you guys but i was going to party with some friends and we were walking and i didnt want to be a party pooper so i took a poop on the train tracks on the way to her house and my friend recorded it and put it on youtube... now when i type it, its not funny at all, just when youre drunk it was amazing.

[MetSox17]

One time drinking at a friends house, about 7 beers in, the owner of the house thinks it's a good idea to bring out a bottle of everclear. The guy had to wake up like at 10am the next day because he had a flight to Dallas to go do some marathon or something, so needless to say, it wasn't a great idea to be drinking in the first place, and he still brings out the bottle. So anyway, i gotta drive home so i'm taking it easy, you know, staying away from the everclear in other words. So these guys start swigging that **** like it's gatorade, and about twenty minutes later that one dude passes out. Another buddy of mine is this big guy, and i'm talking huge. He's about 6'4 320 lbs. So that dude is all messed up, but still you know, more or less conscious of what he's doing. So these two chicks come over and they think it's funny that their friend is passed out. So they bust out the lipstick, eye liners, all that mess and start chiefing the guy pretty bad (wish i had pics). Well anyway, my big friend crawls upstairs to the guy's restroom and busts out his gillette mach 3 that has the little thingie that makes your hair stand up. anyway, he starts going at this guy's head with the razor. It took him about an hour and a half, but at the end, he was able to shave a clean circle of hair about the size of my fist on the back of the guy's head. Keep in mind, foreign substances are also involved, so i'm laughing my ass off that this guy is there, almost plucking one hair out at a time, and he finally cut a patch big enough to be noticeable.

[critesy]

One time drinking at a friends house, about 7 beers in, the owner of the house thinks it's a good idea to bring out a bottle of everclear. The guy had to wake up like at 10am the next day because he had a flight to Dallas to go do some marathon or something, so needless to say, it wasn't a great idea to be drinking in the first place, and he still brings out the bottle. So anyway, i gotta drive home so i'm taking it easy, you know, staying away from the everclear in other words. So these guys start swigging that **** like it's gatorade, and about twenty minutes later that one dude passes out. Another buddy of mine is this big guy, and i'm talking huge. He's about 6'4 320 lbs. So that dude is all messed up, but still you know, more or less conscious of what he's doing. So these two chicks come over and they think it's funny that their friend is passed out. So they bust out the lipstick, eye liners, all that mess and start chiefing the guy pretty bad (wish i had pics). Well anyway, my big friend crawls upstairs to the guy's restroom and busts out his gillette mach 3 that has the little thingie that makes your hair stand up. anyway, he starts going at this guy's head with the razor. It took him about an hour and a half, but at the end, he was able to shave a clean circle of hair about the size of my fist on the back of the guy's head. Keep in mind, foreign substances are also involved, so i'm laughing my ass off that this guy is there, almost plucking one hair out at a time, and he finally cut a patch big enough to be noticeable.

hahahaha thats amazing, shaving a guys head... never was ballsy enough to try that.

[SuperKevin]

This Kid I know spent literally like 3 months growing this thick ass beard and was always strangely proud of it. Well he got drunk and passed out hard one night at a party and they shaved a ***** into his beard on the cheek. It was great

[Vikes99ej]

I walked back 5 miles or so back to the dorms barefoot. That's the extent of my hooliganry.

[MetSox17]

Lol wow man.. that's pretty dick, lol. ^^

[Jvig43]

I dont think the majority of my stories would be allowed on here, I have some pretty epic ones, but its prolly best, as most of them make me look like a D bag.

[CashmoneyDrew]

I've got some decent ones but they'd take a while to set up and I don't feel like typing that much in one post. I'll keep it short. I'm cool.

[twista6002]

One time I pissed right next to a gas pump and there was a cop looking right at me. Luckily he let me go because it could have been serious ramifications but I think it's comical.

[ironman4579]

ahaha **** man, how you like the weather here, frickin like -50 with the wind the past week or two but now its starting to warm up finally.

And now it's supposed to be like 0 or better for the weekend. Weird ass Saskatchewan weather.

[tjsunstein]

During prom weekend we all went to go on the boardwalk and play some games. Needless to say we've been drinking all day and its about 9pm. We decide the go carts is the best way to go since it would include the most people at once. So one group has a go around and all is well. Well the next group goes on and people start going the opposite way and start running around the track and jumping on other peoples cars and stuff. So the guys running it shut all the cars off and start chasing the rowdy ones. Well they got away but not without a fight. One was grabbed and he threw a punch at the guy. He started running and a security guard happened to be at the entrance so he spins around him and sprints then another security guard catches him and at this point we're all cracking up thinking hes caught. We catch up and he manages to wrestle his way from the security guard and sprint all the way back to the prom house. Less than seconds later some cops show up to where he wrestled away the security guard while we're reminiscing. They ask us what happened and we just tell them we saw a fight right here between some kid and an older guy. Priceless.

[broth223]

I have like two or three decent drunk stories but I'll start with this one...

I was fresh out of bartending school and it was my friend's birthday and we had a large selection left from house parties. Since he had nothing planned I opened up the book and said

"Lets see how far we can go!"
"Let's do it!!!""

So apparently we got to page 2 in Martinis Lemon drop Martini when he yelled.

"I want some (censored: Kitty cat!!! Lets go to the club"

But before we leave he comes up with a brillient idea,

"Dude only one of us should bring the keys to the apartment so this way if we lose them we'll have a spare set in the house"

So I throw my keys in on the couch we lock the door and head out to the old city for some clubbing.

While there we have a few more Long Islands Red Deaths ect. and for some reason I have to leave ... not that I wanted to but the giant black guy said I had to leave. So I go staggering out on the street and I sit at this pizza joint talking to these two chicks with my best english accent. From behind me I hear you just don't learn do ya! and the next thing I know I'm getting shoved in the back of the cab by the aforementioned females and my night is apparently over. I walk up to my door at 2 am without my room mate. I instantly remember "F*** I left my keys in the locked apartment." I throw up all over teh sidewalk in front of my apartment with no way in... well I call my roomie butapparently he had a better night than I did so. "Don't worry I'll be back soon." Well the night got long and I passed out. 10 AN the next morning I wake up in my bed. First thing I think is "where's my phone" the next thing is "Where's my pants..."

[NYGibril28]

I've got some decent ones but they'd take a while to set up and I don't feel like typing that much in one post. I'll keep it short. I'm cool.

Well put. I will vouch for you

[SuperKevin]

Space reserved for a broth epic drunk story.

To be posted shortly after he searches the internet for one

[ironman4579]

To be posted shortly after he searches the internet for one

Broth's lazier than that. He'll just repost one from this thread.

[Philliez01]

I really have nothing, most of them just end up being "And then we played Scene - It (insert name here) Trivia and got them all wrong!" or something along those lines.

But, so I look cool and fit in, I'll say one that my friends told me on my way to a Flyers game a few weeks back. I lol'ed in large quantities.

They went to visit one of our friends at Troy (I think it was Troy) because they were on Winter Break and I was still in school. Anyway, they realized that the people there just weren't that cool but were entertained by some fellow HS alum who were not acting the way they were in HS (aka nice girls being slutty and smoking obscene amounts of cigarettes) but they made two friends, some grad student named Jeff and an Asian man nicknamed Tanker. Tanker is wearing a velcro Chicago Bulls hat and a Hawaiian shirt, unbuttoned which revealed a plain white T and was ALWAYS carrying a funnel. Jeff is just some guy who really likes pretzels but looks like a skinny Grizzly Bear. Anyway, Jeff seems to be chill and with Tanker; they are just drinking the whole time. All of a sudden, someone goes "Where's Jeff?" and people start to say "oh ****, where did he go?".

The friend they visited, Josh, calls him and he just starts screaming "I'm at a MOBILE, I'm at a MOBILE!". Not really knowing the area too well considering Josh's a freshman and they are from South Jersey so they are just scanning the area for a Mobile. They did not find one after about 2 hours of searching. So they just call off the search and rescue.

However another team of people actually found Jeff's Pontiac Sunfire on someone's lawn and he's just passed out. They somehow got him on the road, the DD took over and drove him back and they found out he pissed himself everywhere...including the dashboard.

Not really memorable or badass, but for some reason I think it's a funny one.

[broth223]

Broth's lazier than that. He'll just repost one from this thread.

Har D har har. It is up now.

[CJSchneider]

OK, I guess since I have you two here (SK and Ironman), I'll tell you this one. Of course, it will start the way all great Cav Scout stories go -

So there we were, I was a young PFC and had just won the Battalion Soldier of the Month board at my unit at Ft. Polk. That same day I received a new "room-dawg", Robert Woods, who had just come from Korea. My floor-mates (4 plus Woods and I) decided this was reason enough for a full out bash. Yada-Yada-Yada (I know you love the Seinfeld reference) and many 40's and bottles of Jack, Jim and Jose later, we all decide to go bowling. Let me remind you it is now about 2 in the morning, we are plastered and Woods is new to Ft. Polk and has no idea where a damn thing is. How we all made it to the bowling alley alive I'll never know because none of us were in shape to drive. After a few minutes of being there, Woods is no longer with us. We had no idea where he went - and at that point didn't care because it meant more liquor for us. Again, Yada-yada-yada, we decided to leave the bowling alley (OK so we got kicked out for being too loud, quite a task at a military installation bowling alley at 3 in the morning). So off we start walking (or staggering depending on your point of view), which if you remember, we drove there. All of us knew something was off, but we couldn't decide what. As we near our barracks we see the Battalion CQ officer (can't remember his name, but he later became cool with us - different story for a different time). My friend Troy Clevenger, who hailed from West Virginia (insert West Virginia + sheep joke here) decideds to yell out "Butter". Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the military, 2nd Lieutenants are often called "Butter Bars" as their rank insignia looks like a stick of margarine. This makes the LT pissed. He races over to us and yells at Troy "what did you say troop?" or words to that effect. "Nothing Sir......butter." replies Troy. This goes back in forth for a minute at which time the LT says "thats it, you guys are gonna be arrested." For some cosmic reason I still don't understand, the other 4 of us yell out "PARKAY!!!!" (remember the old Parkay butter commercials) as if that was going to calm the mood and help us. It didn't work so well. The LT's whips out a walkie-talkie and calls back to the Battalion CQ desk and asks the MP's be sent. Within about 5 minutes 2 big-ass MP's (who look like O-lineman for the Nebraska Corn Huskers BTW), show up and guess who they have with them? It's Woods!!. We sit there (I say sit because we had lost the ability to stand as well as the ability to stop laughing uncontrollably) and listen to the MP's tell the LT that Woods, LLMF (Lost like a mother ******), had stumbled into the Pro-vost Marshall's office (MP central basicly) and all he could tell them was his unit name. Just as they finish their story, Woods busts out with "Specialist Woods, Delta Company blah blah blah blah" and throws up (actually it was more like projectile vomiting) all over the LT's boots. The MP's double over laughing. Mind you we have stopped because we know we are about to be in some deep **** By now the Staff Duty NCO, SFC Erickson, who I was cool with and was on the Battalion soft ball team with, had arrived and he agreed to hold us in the Battalion Staff Duty office until morning given we pay for him and the LT to get his boots done and BDU's dry-cleaned for a month (we also had to pay for his beer during that month - thank God for SFC's who like to drink with PFC's).

[Vox Populi]

One time I beat the **** out of my girlfriend when I was drunk and got another chick pregnant in the same night.I can do anything in one night on the internet!

[ironman4579]

Har D har har. it up hoe.

All the way to the bank baby.



Edit:Yea that makes no sense, but whatever.

[ironman4579]

OK, I guess since I have you two here (SK and Ironman), I'll tell you this one. Of course, it will start the way all great Cav Scout stories go -

So there we were, I was a young PFC and had just won the Battalion Soldier of the Month board at my unit at Ft. Polk. That same day I received a new "room-dawg", Robert Woods, who had just come from Korea. My floor-mates (4 plus Woods and I) decided this was reason enough for a full out bash. Yada-Yada-Yada (I know you love the Seinfeld reference) and many 40's and bottles of Jack, Jim and Jose later, we all decide to go bowling. Let me remind you it is now about 2 in the morning, we are plastered and Woods is new to Ft. Polk and has no idea where a damn thing is. How we all made it to the bowling alley alive I'll never know because none of us were in shape to drive. After a few minutes of being there, Woods is no longer with us. We had no idea where he went - and at that point didn't care because it meant more liquor for us. Again, Yada-yada-yada, we decided to leave the bowling alley (OK so we got kicked out for being too loud, quite a task at a military installation bowling alley at 3 in the morning). So off we start walking (or staggering depending on your point of view), which if you remember, we drove there. All of us knew something was off, but we couldn't decide what. As we near our barracks we see the Battalion CQ officer (can't remember his name, but he later became cool with us - different story for a different time). My friend Troy Clevenger, who hailed from West Virginia (insert West Virginia + sheep joke here) decideds to yell out "Butter". Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the military, 2nd Lieutenants are often called "Butter Bars" as their rank insignia looks like a stick of margarine. This makes the LT pissed. He races over to us and yells at Troy "what did you say troop?" or words to that effect. "Nothing Sir......butter." replies Troy. This goes back in forth for a minute at which time the LT says "thats it, you guys are gonna be arrested." For some cosmic reason I still don't understand, the other 4 of us yell out "PARKAY!!!!" (remember the old Parkay butter commercials) as if that was going to calm the mood and help us. It didn't work so well. The LT's whips out a walkie-talkie and calls back to the Battalion CQ desk and asks the MP's be sent. Within about 5 minutes 2 big-ass MP's (who look like O-lineman for the Nebraska Corn Huskers BTW), show up and guess who they have with them? It's Woods!!. We sit there (I say sit because we had lost the ability to stand as well as the ability to stop laughing uncontrollably) and listen to the MP's tell the LT that Woods, LLMF (Lost like a mother ******), had stumbled into the Pro-vost Marshall's office (MP central basicly) and all he could tell them was his unit name. Just as they finish their story, Woods busts out with "Specialist Woods, Delta Company blah blah blah blah" and throws up (actually it was more like projectile vomiting) all over the LT's boots. The MP's double over laughing. Mind you we have stopped because we know we are about to be in some deep **** By now the Staff Duty NCO, SFC Erickson, who I was cool with and was on the Battalion soft ball team with, had arrived and he agreed to hold us in the Battalion Staff Duty office until morning given we pay for him and the LT to get his boots done and BDU's dry-cleaned for a month (we also had to pay for his beer during that month - thank God for SFC's who like to drink with PFC's).


Haha, beautiful. That sounds about right.

[MetSox17]

Lol, gotta love the old guys on the forum. Always have great stories to tell. Congrats CJ.

haha

[CJSchneider]

That is just one of many.

[MetSox17]

I nominate CJ as the guy whom we sit around at the campfire while we roast marshmellows and listen to stories.

[CJSchneider]

OK, last story before I hit the sack.

So there we were, I was at AIT (Advanced Individual Training, basically your job in the army) in Ft. Gordon, GA ( iwas in the Signal Corps before I became a Cav Scout). Every weekend, me and my barracks-mates would venture out into Augusta, GA, rent a hotel room, drink, fight, **** (women, not each other), and well, just be yound dumb and fu...you get the point. So anyway, one of my friends Brian Hoeteling teaches us how you can cut a hole in a watermelon, set a bottle of Jim or Jack in it and over the weekend the alcohol absorbs into the melon and tastes awesome. This catches on amongst others and before you know it, tons of people are doing it. (This fact is important - so is the fact that in Augusta, during the weekend every hotel is full of soldiers doing the same thing we are) We do this every week for months on end. Now we were at Ft. Gordon from November until April, and in addition to many friends we made a few enemies as well. Well one weekend, we look out the front window of the hotel room we are in and see a group of guys from our sister company in the room across the hotel quad. As it turns out, these guys, in addition to just being a bunch of hot-headed jerks, have been claiming it was them who started the whole watermelon thing and we have had several minor run-ins with them that ranged from simple name calling to some "Get in your face", ready to throw down episodes. So back to the story, it's Sunday morning and we see these guys across from us and it could have easily ended up in a brawl, but Brian gets this look on his face and says "guys, pack up and be ready to leave when I get back." He grabs like one of the last six pack we have and strolls over to these guys' room; he's walking into the Lion's Den --- alone. So, we pack our stuff and about 20 minutes go by when Brian returns without the beer. "What the hell Brian?" we ask. "Quick, the Watermelon - let's eat it." Still confused we start to eat the watermelon and as always it is great, but Brian keeps looking over at the other guys' room waving and smiling, at times, holding up his piece of water melon and showing it off. As we finish, we quickly walk to the parking lot, directed to do so by Brian, to get one of the cabs that are there to take us back to the barracks. As we walk, our once enemies wave to us, giving us the cool "head bob" motion. WTF, we are thinking. As soon as the cab doors close we look at Brian to ask what he did, but Brian is laughing so hard he is crying. Through the tears he managed to tell us that he offered the beer as a truce and weaseled his way into their room making small talk and what not and before he left had asked to use their bathroom. That's when he said it. "I pissed in their watermelon."

[tjsunstein]

This watermelon trick you speak of... Teach me.

[Vox Populi]

Jim or Jack, wtf, vodka is so much better for it. I guess you guys are real men though...

Its called a Vodkamelon and its ******* dope when you're chillin' at the beach where you're not allowed to drink. AMAZING!!!!!!!!

[CJSchneider]

This watermelon trick you speak of... Teach me.

You cut a hole in the top of the melon so that the neck of a bottle will set in it, able to allow the booze to soak down. It takes several hours.

[wicket]

You cut a hole in the top of the melon so that the neck of a bottle will set in it, able to allow the booze to soak down. It takes several hours.

and an awesome way to get drunk.

One of the better drunk stories.

I was with my best friend from where i was raised in utrecht (the town where he goes to college) to a party of his fraternity(not the same kinda thing here as in the usa) and on our way back we passed a large theater building that was the main venue of the local international film festival(quite a bit happening). Well to put is simple we stole the whole red carpet of the festival walked home at six in the morning with about 100 feet of red carpet on our shoulders each and we used it to carpet his studenthousing. It was awesome to see the newsclips about that festival where they had to red carpet within the velvet ropes.

[Brent]

You cut a hole in the top of the melon so that the neck of a bottle will set in it, able to allow the booze to soak down. It takes several hours.
We do that a lot. It's cheap, easy and good for parties. Punch is a popular one for big parties if you think girls wont drink from the keg. We did this for punch once: 24 cans of miller light, handle of vodka, some everclear (I forget how much), 2 cans of lemonade concentrate and ice. It sounds awful but it wasn't that bad. You just have to worry because that will get you messed up pretty fast.

[dabears10]

We do that a lot. It's cheap, easy and good for parties. Punch is a popular one for big parties if you think girls wont drink from the keg. We did this for punch once: 24 cans of miller light, handle of vodka, some everclear (I forget how much), 2 cans of lemonade concentrate and ice. It sounds awful but it wasn't that bad. You just have to worry because that will get you messed up pretty fast.

Two words for girl drinks for parties: Rum Punch

2 handles of rum, 2 of the cans of pineapple juice, gallon of orange juice, and some grenadine.

It taste great and gets you effed up. Also, make for a good tailgate drink.

[therock6000]

Was at a buddy's partay when he decided to crank up the Jager machine. Jager is my one true alcoholic weakness, so i start tearing them up. Everyone else was making Jag Bombs, but i'm not a huge caffeine fan so i hit them straight. After a few...dozen...i start to feel pretty awful and everyone that was jacked on Red Bull began to annoy me. So i look for somewhere to crash, but as its been documented on the net, falling asleep at a party is a no-no unless you want pictures of male genitalia drawn on you. But I'm toasted and trying to find the one place to just pass out...so i crawl between the mattress and the box springs of my buddy's bed. I was in the clear until my friend brought his girlfriend in the room for a little action. Apparently they were really focused on the task at hand because they didn't even say anything about me stumbling from my hiding spot and crawling right past them...all the way to the guest bedroom where i set up camp again between the mattress and box springs of that bed.

[themaninblack]

Two words for girl drinks for parties: Rum Punch

2 handles of rum, 2 of the cans of pineapple juice, gallon of orange juice, and some grenadine.

It taste great and gets you effed up. Also, make for a good tailgate drink.

We used to do something similar called Lightning Lemonade. Basically, its a case of beer, a bottle of vodka, and some powder lemonade mix in like a 5 gallon bucket or something. Really good and it will get you messed up.

[wicket]

if you want to get drunk quick try in stead of swallowing it sucking it in tru your nose, part of the alcohol is actually already taken up in the nose itself so you get really drunk, besides that its fun to do. Dont do it with stuff stronger than 40% or your nose will hurt like crazy

[dabears10]

if you want to get drunk quick try in stead of swallowing it sucking it in tru your nose, part of the alcohol is actually already taken up in the nose itself so you get really drunk, besides that its fun to do. Dont do it with stuff stronger than 40% or your nose will hurt like crazy

This is crazier than girls soaking tampons in vodka and using them.

[UKfan]

Drinking through your eye ftw!

nIg5JOcstzA

Disclaimer, I don't know these people, but the goalkeeper on my old soccer team used to do this...

[wicket]

This is crazier than girls soaking tampons in vodka and using them.

meh using tampons as a dude is weirder period

[CashmoneyDrew]

Drinking through your eye ftw!

nIg5JOcstzA

Disclaimer, I don't know these people, but the goalkeeper on my old soccer team used to do this...

That seems like a great way to go blind or something.

[Brent]

We used to do something similar called Lightning Lemonade. Basically, its a case of beer, a bottle of vodka, and some powder lemonade mix in like a 5 gallon bucket or something. Really good and it will get you messed up.
That's basically what I described above but with more alcohol haha.

[ironman4579]

Ok, well this is another one involving my big friend, who's name is Nick by the way. Makes it much easier than calling him "my big friend."

So, it was a Saturday night and we really didn't feel like going out anywhere. So we decided to start ripping into a fifth of Jack. We started playing red or black, and before we realized it, the Jack was gone.

Then Nick remembered he had a bottle of Crown. Now, as you all know, Crown can look suspiciously like piss, and Nick had a habit of peeing in bottles in his room. So I was a little leery until he took a swig. So we started tearing into that, and before we know it, that's gone too.

So we were pretty tanked and decided we were going to go try and find other people to drink with. So we go out into the hall in the barracks. This is where we decided on a plan.

So we started peeing on peoples doors. This seemed like the best idea ever at the time. I was pissing on one of my new guys doors, and Nick pissed on one of our NCO's doors, who's name was Adam. Well, Nick finished up, and as he's zipping up, the door opens, and Adam pops his head out, looking none too happy.

Nick looks up and says, completely innocently "Someone peed on your door." Adam immendiately looks at me, because I'm still peeing on the other door. "Don't look at me, I can't piss twice that fast." I said. He apparently believed this, because he immediately looked back at Nick. Nick, still completely serious and innocent says "It might be water."

So after we woke up some new guys and had them clean up the pee, we start drinking beer. At some point, I realized that Nick was gone. So about ten minutes later he comes back in, puts a can of black spray paint in the ceiling, and says "You didn't see anything."

Well, the night continued, with more peeing, some vomiting etc. The next day, I had to go get a haircut. So I went outside to see a giant dick spray painted on the street in front of the barracks, and little dicks spray painted on the sidewalk. Needless to say, Monday was interesting.

[CJSchneider]

"You didn't see anything."



Words to live by.

[ironman4579]

Words to live by.

Always.............

[ironman4579]

OK, last story before I hit the sack.

So there we were, I was at AIT (Advanced Individual Training, basically your job in the army) in Ft. Gordon, GA ( iwas in the Signal Corps before I became a Cav Scout). Every weekend, me and my barracks-mates would venture out into Augusta, GA, rent a hotel room, drink, fight, **** (women, not each other), and well, just be yound dumb and fu...you get the point. So anyway, one of my friends Brian Hoeteling teaches us how you can cut a hole in a watermelon, set a bottle of Jim or Jack in it and over the weekend the alcohol absorbs into the melon and tastes awesome. This catches on amongst others and before you know it, tons of people are doing it. (This fact is important - so is the fact that in Augusta, during the weekend every hotel is full of soldiers doing the same thing we are) We do this every week for months on end. Now we were at Ft. Gordon from November until April, and in addition to many friends we made a few enemies as well. Well one weekend, we look out the front window of the hotel room we are in and see a group of guys from our sister company in the room across the hotel quad. As it turns out, these guys, in addition to just being a bunch of hot-headed jerks, have been claiming it was them who started the whole watermelon thing and we have had several minor run-ins with them that ranged from simple name calling to some "Get in your face", ready to throw down episodes. So back to the story, it's Sunday morning and we see these guys across from us and it could have easily ended up in a brawl, but Brian gets this look on his face and says "guys, pack up and be ready to leave when I get back." He grabs like one of the last six pack we have and strolls over to these guys' room; he's walking into the Lion's Den --- alone. So, we pack our stuff and about 20 minutes go by when Brian returns without the beer. "What the hell Brian?" we ask. "Quick, the Watermelon - let's eat it." Still confused we start to eat the watermelon and as always it is great, but Brian keeps looking over at the other guys' room waving and smiling, at times, holding up his piece of water melon and showing it off. As we finish, we quickly walk to the parking lot, directed to do so by Brian, to get one of the cabs that are there to take us back to the barracks. As we walk, our once enemies wave to us, giving us the cool "head bob" motion. WTF, we are thinking. As soon as the cab doors close we look at Brian to ask what he did, but Brian is laughing so hard he is crying. Through the tears he managed to tell us that he offered the beer as a truce and weaseled his way into their room making small talk and what not and before he left had asked to use their bathroom. That's when he said it. "I pissed in their watermelon."

Wouldn't let me give you anymore rep for this one, but great story.

[Brent]

Recently, I was pretty drunk at this local bar called Fox & Hound and I was talking to a friend of mine about who-knows-what and she was like, "oh here there's [dont remember name], she's in my [dont remember] class. Hey [girl's name]!" I look over at this girl, she must weigh about a deuce/deuce and a half, and I look back at my friend and I say at a pretty loud volume "no fatties!"

After saying that I turn my head to see that the girl has come up to us and, not only did she hear what I said, I can see she's milliseconds from crying.

Funny thing is, I started laughing. Yes, I am an awful person haha.

[ATLDirtyBirds]

Recently, I was pretty drunk at this local bar called Fox & Hound and I was talking to a friend of mine about who-knows-what and she was like, "oh here there's [dont remember name], she's in my [dont remember] class. Hey [girl's name]!" I look over at this girl, she must weigh about a deuce/deuce and a half, and I look back at my friend and I say at a pretty loud volume "no fatties!"

After saying that I turn my head to see that the girl has come up to us and, not only did she hear what I said, I can see she's milliseconds from crying.

Funny thing is, I started laughing. Yes, I am an awful person haha.


Don't worry about it. At a party, 2 kids thought they could outdrink me. Yeah, no. So now I'm definitely drunk. A little later, a girl I know comes over, we chat, etc. (I'll let you fill in the blank on the etc. ;)) Anyway, she tells me she wants to introduce me to a friend of hers. Her friend is supposedly really cool and funny. So she calls the name and points. So... I don't know who she is introducing me to, and I can not tell at all who or what she's pointing at. When I get somewhat focused, I see this fat piece of **** girl walking towards us. I proceed to say, "Jesus Christ, look at the size of that thing. MAN THE HARPOONS!" So she's standing right by us now... the girl I was with is trying not to laugh, but starts and I went from a smirk to a nice hearty laugh. A couple of seconds later the girl runs away crying. Then I said, "That's probably the most she has ever ran in her life." More laughing. I hope she heard that though. I do not want fat chicks around me. Hopefully she learned that lesson.

[AntoinCD]

Still hearing about this one;

Me and my flatemate where out at a benefit thing for my friend who was going to Brazil for some sort of charity thing. Anyway we were sitting having a few pints when the band was playing and it was all great craic. I had about six or seven pints whenever the DJ started up and after a while I was feeling like 'yea some lucky girl's going to get it tonight'. So went up to the dancefloor when my flatemate says we'll get shots first. You wanna seen these things they were disgusting, they were called Stiffys and tasted like cola cubes. So had a shot and i was gonna go up and show my quality moves when my mate says 'hold on thats a chick song, we'll have another shot first'. Basically this went on for about six songs and by then there was nothing stopping me pulling a nice bird. Well thats what I thought. Finally got up dancing and soon enough I was dancing with a girl. Started kissing her and everything was going to plan. Had the whole thing mapped out, soon I was going to start slipping the hand and then take it from there. But the problem was that when I closed my eyes and was kissing her I got dizzy as hell. So I opened my eyes but then I realised I must look really stupid like this. So I thought Ill keep my eyes closed, big mistake. Next thing-TIMBER. That was me sprawled across the dancefloor with like 150 people there. So I just left as soon as possible without my coat and everything. The worst part was it turned out to be my friend's cousins I went with and she looked like my big brother. And my big brother is not a good looking girl.