FML

[Finz99]

Thought some people may enjoy this.

http://www.fmylife.com/

"Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML"

haha some of these are hilarious.

[Brent]

Wow, talk about a site that makes me feel better about my life.

[CashmoneyDrew]

This one is easily the best and made me laugh so hard....

"Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own **** and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML"

[Gay Ork Wang]

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a *****. FML

That must be sad...

[TitleTown088]

I'm German. FML

Don't be so hard on yourself Renji. It's going to be alright.

[The Unseen]

Today, I decided that I was bored while I was pooping and decided to paint my nails. I had to wait at least 30 minutes to wipe. FML

wow. just...wow

[Vikes99ej]

Today, I tried to suck my own *****. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I LOLed .

[The Unseen]

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML


epic dissertation fail

[Gay Ork Wang]

Don't be so hard on yourself Renji. It's going to be alright.
im not german!!

[HawkeyeFan]

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

I laughed so hard haha!

[The Unseen]

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total *****. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML


life lesson: keep your eyes on them bitches

[TitleTown088]

im not german!!What are you then? Azn?

[Gay Ork Wang]

What are you then? Azn?
I am Nazn or Germazn, whatever u want

[jayceheathman]

"Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and **** all over me. FML"

"Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML"

HAHAHA OMG!

[Brent]

I am Nazn or Germazn, whatever u want
Germasian and Germanese are my favorite two.

[fischbowl]

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

Sounds like something I would do. FML

[JETS5128]

"Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me.FML."

Pure comedy

[iowatreat54]

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

I laughed and then dropped my head because it's happened to me before. Luckily, the girl was an uggo, so I didn't care.

[Twiddler]

Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML

Got a pretty good laugh out of this one...

[Brent]

Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML

Today I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I 've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

Today, as I was bringing my 3 year old daughter back from daycare, she asked me where her dad was. I tried to explain that I was her father, but she answered "Not you, my other Daddy!". I've got some talking to do tonight... FML

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

These are amazing.

[CJSchneider]

I laughed and then dropped my head because it's happened to me before. Luckily, the girl was an uggo, so I didn't care.

I could tell you a very funny story that relates to this.

[CJSchneider]

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says "Whats for dinner?". FML

That's just wrong.

[iowatreat54]

I could tell you a very funny story that relates to this.

RDT.......?

[CJSchneider]

I sent it to you via PM.

[Brent]

I want to hear this story, as I can relate to iowatreat.

[CJSchneider]

Sent it to you also.

[Brent]

Sent it to you also.
CJ, you are one dirty individual. You should be commended.

[CJSchneider]

TylvUGJIi_w

Thank you.

[broth223]

This is now my new favorite site.

my favorite

I am an Eagles fan FML

[Menardo75]

Me too me too

[kwilk103]

can i get a pm?

[Go_Eagles77]

This is now my new favorite site.

my favorite
I am an Eagles fan FML
So true...

[M.O.T.H.]

Got a pretty good laugh out of this one...

I had a lot of good laughs in this thread but, that one is awesome.

[slightlyaraiderfan]

I was so happy that I finally attained 10,000 of something. It was 10,000 posts on a message board. FML

[Gay Ork Wang]

lol nice one sarf

[619]

lol nice one sarf

You're not too far behind, lol.

[Gay Ork Wang]

You're not too far behind, lol.
Today, i just realized that i spent half of my time on NFLDC and have an average of 22.02 posts per day. FML

[SuperKevin]

I submitted one tonight. See if you can find it when they update

[tjsunstein]

I just got my car fixed. The card I went to pay for it with was maxed out. I had to ask my mom to loan me some money. I never ask my mom for money.FML

[fischbowl]

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

[Brent]

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Very smooth, Fisch.

I have a teaching certification exam on Saturday that starts at 8 AM. FML.

[Bills2083]

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think im *** and my roomate Brad moved out

Today, I was at a bar in Canada and was really hitting it off with a girl. She asked how big my junk was and I told her in inches... They use centimeters. FML


lol, hilarious website

[UK_Cheesehead]

Quote:
Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I 've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

This **** happened to me.

Gutted haha! :(

[Bills2083]

here's a few more good ones...


Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML



Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML

[someone447]

I laughed and then dropped my head because it's happened to me before. Luckily, the girl was an uggo, so I didn't care.

It's happened to everyone. But I'm usually the one doing it to someone else. Thats what copious amounts of alcohol does to people.

[drowe]

I could tell you a very funny story that relates to this.

i would like to hear this story.

[CashmoneyDrew]

i would like to hear this story.

I second this.

[CJSchneider]

P.M. me, I'll tell you.

[yourfavestoner]

It's happened to everyone. But I'm usually the one doing it to someone else. Thats what copious amounts of alcohol does to people.

I think that we are the same person.

[Bosanac01]

This is now my new favorite site.

my favorite

I am an Eagles fan FML

Eagles actually made the playoffs.

You're a fan of a team that didn't win a game this year. lol

[ironman4579]

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

This one made me laugh.

[Zyro_1014]

So we are about 2 weeks away from the first game of the season, and our coach is doing the final decisions on who is getting red shirted and what not. So me and my friend are walkin to a class and i we are talkin about the season, and i go "it would suck ass to get red shirted right now". He looks at me with the most pissed off look on his face....turns out he got red shirted.

FML

[Ward]

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML.

Today, I’ve learnt that the girl I love thinks I’m ***. To be honest, I’m having doubts too. FML.

Two of my favorites that haven't been said already.

[Bosanac01]

I like this one

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

[tjsunstein]

Last night I bought a drink for this girl. When I handed it to her, she introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

[Go_Eagles77]

I like this one
He has three gashes on his **** and is worried about telling his wife? wtf?

[Brent]

Last night I bought a drink for this girl. When I handed it to her, she introduced me to her boyfriend. FML
There are a few girls that we go to the bars with, and whenever guys buy them drinks, they usually hand them to us haha.

I have been up since 6am. FML

[tjsunstein]

There are a few girls that we go to the bars with, and whenever guys buy them drinks, they usually hand them to us haha.

I have been up since 6am. FML

Haha, only if I were so lucky.

[The Unseen]

Two of my favorites that haven't been said already.

that first one is tragic.

[The Unseen]

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "******." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML


That's just wrong.

[broth223]

Eagles actually made the playoffs.

You're a fan of a team that didn't win a game this year. lol

Yes but my team doesn't give me false hope.

[Brent]

That's just wrong.
that is so awful that it has to be fake.

[Bosanac01]

Yes but my team doesn't give me false hope.

haha i know. You know im just playin.

[ATLDirtyBirds]

It's happened to everyone. But I'm usually the one doing it to someone else. Thats what copious amounts of alcohol does to people.


I am guilty of this as well. Lately it's been more of me being an asshole. Example, "Oh right! You are that fat chick that sits in front of me 4th period."

[Brent]

Example, "Oh right! You are that fat chick that sits in front of me 4th period."
I dont see how that is a failure in your example.

[someone447]

I am guilty of this as well. Lately it's been more of me being an asshole. Example, "Oh right! You are that fat chick that sits in front of me 4th period."

Ya, I don't remember people whether I am sober or not. There is at least a chance I remember you if I am sober. I can admit I am too self-involved to give a damn about unimportant things like other peoples names. It's a good thing I can admit that, right? RIGHT?!?!?

[tjsunstein]

I've had non stop diahrea for the last 3 days. Today, I had work. While taking out the trash to the dumpster, it hit me so hard that I didn't have time to get back to the bathroom. I shat next to the dumpster and it splashed on my pants. I went home early smelling like poo. FML

Hahaha, sounds like Tucker Max story but without the anal sex and insanely hot girls.

[steelersfan43]

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think im *** and my roomate Brad moved out. FML
haha

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "N-word." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FMLwow that would suck


Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

omg that sucks

[someone447]

Hahaha, sounds like Tucker Max story but without the anal sex and insanely hot girls.

I can't wait to see the movie coming out this year.

[dabears10]

Staying up til 430 and not getting laid. FML.

[Bills2083]

haha .

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

Today, in Ottawa there's been a bus strike for 51 days. I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

[JETS5128]

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

Greatest

[SuperKevin]

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

Greatest

I don't know who to laugh more at. The guy with the small wang or the guy who blatantly pecker checks at urinals

[Brent]

the guy who blatantly pecker checks at urinals
because he obviously has self-esteem issues.

[ironman4579]

I don't know who to laugh more at. The guy with the small wang or the guy who blatantly pecker checks at urinals

Middle pisser................

[JETS5128]

I don't know who to laugh more at. The guy with the small wang or the guy who blatantly pecker checks at urinals

There in lies the greatness

[Philliez01]

I just submitted something that happened to me today.

I was running with my short shorts today when a guy made a snide remark about my shorts. I said "I wore them just for you" sarcastically and gave a wink. Turns out according to neighborhood watchdog, he's a registered pedophile.

I would ask to wish me luck to see if I can get it posted. But that would be an odd thing to wish luck for.

[the_legend_killer]

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

Damn.......

[Go_Eagles77]

This one is crazy if true lol:
Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

[drowe]

That's just wrong.

i'd say it was fake....but, when i was in college, i knew damn well not to leave a word doc opened.

[iowatreat54]

Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML

hahahahaha I can't stop laughing at this one.

[Go_Eagles77]

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
LMAO!!!!!!

[CJSchneider]

That's nasty