Best Man Speech

[TheBuffaloBills]

Ok, tomorrow I have to do the best man speech for my Brother. I'm honored, but I'm crapping my pants over it because it is going to be a big wedding. I'm only 17 and not good public speaker because I'll stutter and my face turns red. My fear is that I bomb, or I'll cry when I'm talking about the touching stuff. I want to make it short, and have some good jokes in their. Here is my layout:


Thank everyone for coming yada yada

Introduce myself (Joke)

Slowly get into the talking about my Brother (Heartwarming stuff/With a few jokes like how we both have a severe obsession of the Buffalo Bills)

Say why the Bride is perfect for my Brother (Story/and say how she was able to bear watching the first day of the 2009 Draft)

Give advice to the Bride about what it is going to be like living with my Brother(2 jokes that I hope tears the house down).

Last Piece of advice (I'll probably will say some quote or something).


Okay, I might take a risk on something to make fun of my Brother big time. One of those two jokes will be, "During football season, my brother has a tradition where he wakes up and prances around the house with his favorite Bills Thong" He doesn't have a Bills thong, nor Bills underwear, but I think this could get a big laugh, or it could be a major flop. I know a lot of people that would laugh at it, but I don't want it to be taken too far. Can anyone think of some sort of substitute, or should I stick with it?

Has anyone given a best man speech before? Any advice? Thank you.

[cdub11]

I gave a best man speech last summer.... I had been drinking heavily and the speech was a huge success!

[TheBuffaloBills]

I gave a best man speech last summer.... I had been drinking heavily and the speech was a huge success!

Okay, I will be using that as one of my keys to success. Did you memorize the speech? Or did you read it from a paper?

[cdub11]

Okay, I will be using that as one of my keys to success. Did you memorize the speech? Or did you read it from a paper?

I had most of it memorized and used a few note cards

[broth223]

I have heard over 120 best man speeches I've given two myself (I bartend at weddings every weekend for near 2.5 years) I'd skip the thong joke. It may be seen as inappropriate considering it isn't true. Your breakdown is the general breakdown of all best man speeches. All the most memorable best man speeches contain a cheeky shot with something that is almost true or even completely true. Like if you were going football does your brother have any weird superstitions while watching the game? That would be the thing to bring up.

[Gay Ork Wang]

i thought ur a comedian, how can you be afraid of talking in front of a lot of people :/

[TheBuffaloBills]

I have heard over 120 best man speeches I've given two myself (I bartend at weddings every weekend for near 2.5 years) I'd skip the thong joke. It may be seen as inappropriate considering it isn't true. Your breakdown is the general breakdown of all best man speeches. All the most memorable best man speeches contain a cheeky shot with something that is almost true or even completely true. Like if you were going football does your brother have any weird superstitions while watching the game? That would be the thing to bring up.


That's a good Idea. He is a pretty plain guy, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

[TheBuffaloBills]

i thought ur a comedian, how can you be afraid of talking in front of a lot of people :/

Once I get going, I don't get nervous.

[drowe]

well, if most of the guests are Bills fans...

you could start by saying you're very excited to welcome a new addition (to the family). somebody who fits perfectly and we're all very excited to have around. build this up for a while and then say...yup...welcome to the Bills, TO. then of course you'd have to seriously welcome your new sis-in-law to the fam.

and, yeah, i'd skip the thong joke. from living with the dude your whole life you should not have a shortage of actual embarrassing stories. no need to make 'em up.

[Gay Ork Wang]

well, if most of the guests are Bills fans...

you could start by saying you're very excited to welcome a new addition (to the family). somebody who fits perfectly and we're all very excited to have around. build this up for a while and then say...yup...welcome to the Bills, TO. then of course you'd have to seriously welcome your new sis-in-law to the fam.

and, yeah, i'd skip the thong joke. from living with the dude your whole life you should not have a shortage of actual embarrassing stories. no need to make 'em up.
ha that TO one is awesome

[Borat]

I've given 2 best man speeches. Don't write it down. At most, jot down some bullet points that will help you keep on track. Reading speeches is very lame. I always tried to have a funny or ironic ending that would get a big laugh and then you can salute the bride-groom with a toast. It ends the speech on a real high note and it will be received well. Good luck.

[CJSchneider]

I agree with skipping the thong joke. Building up a new entry to a Buffalo Bills loving family and then diverge to T.O. would be good. Everything else sounds good. Good luck, you should do fine.

[tjsunstein]

Definitely skip the thong joke.

[TheBuffaloBills]

well, if most of the guests are Bills fans...

you could start by saying you're very excited to welcome a new addition (to the family). somebody who fits perfectly and we're all very excited to have around. build this up for a while and then say...yup...welcome to the Bills, TO. then of course you'd have to seriously welcome your new sis-in-law to the fam.

and, yeah, i'd skip the thong joke. from living with the dude your whole life you should not have a shortage of actual embarrassing stories. no need to make 'em up.

THAT IS AWESOME. I will use that..... THANK YOU!

[diabsoule]

My best man speech was really heart felt. It was for my best friend's wedding a few years ago. Everyone thought I was going to embarrass the hell out them but ended up saying how perfect they are for each other and that I want to emulate them in my future relationships. I don't like the idea of grilling your friend, brother, whoever on the day of their wedding. That's just not cool.

[TimDris]

Yeah stay away from making fun of your brother. Also be careful on too many jokes. You want people to know you're taking it seriously. A couple of jokes are okay to lighten the mood and such, but don't overdo it.

Plus a heartfelt touching moment can never fail yet jokes can miserably.

[Mr.Regular]

My best man speech was really heart felt. It was for my best friend's wedding a few years ago. Everyone thought I was going to embarrass the hell out them but ended up saying how perfect they are for each other and that I want to emulate them in my future relationships. I don't like the idea of grilling your friend, brother, whoever on the day of their wedding. That's just not cool.
Agreed 100%. A nice little joke here and there is always good but Id stay away from the crude, sexual, overly embarrassing stuff. Remember this is the biggest day of their lives so far and they're sharing it with friends and family from all over that have spent their time and money to be there. Not all of them will appreciate jokes they find repulsive or don't understand.

[FlyingElvis]

I have given only one in my life and to this day people still mention it whenever a wedding comes up. I made no real jokes, did not rip my friend for anything and told no embarassing stories. That type of stuff is tough to pull off at a large wedding - even the Irish wedding at which I was best man. However, the TO joke is a great one and can't embarass anyone or come across as inappropriate. That's gold. Kudos to drowe on that one.


Pick 1, 2 or 3 things that matter most about your brother and speak about those things. Getting choked up a little is nothing to worry about. You are in that position for a reason. Practice it a time or two and try to do it without any notes. Definitely don't read straight from a written speech, that's bush league. lol


If you get stuck (I did after the first of 3 points b/c the speech was immediately after the wedding party was announced and I didn't even have a beer in hand - ball dropped by that wait staff) just half cover the mic and "whisper" to the groom "What were the other things you told me to say?" Everyone hears it, chuckles a little and nobody ever knows if your slip up was intentional or not - including the groom. Perfect cover. :D

[SuperKevin]

My only advice is to avoid the jokes. It's his wedding not his roast. You don't want to be known as the guy who ruined the reception in your new sister-in-law's eyes because of an awkward joke

[TimDris]

My only advice is to avoid the jokes. It's his wedding not his roast. You don't want to be known as the guy who ruined the reception in your new sister-in-law's eyes because of an awkward joke

yeah i feel the same way.

I really like Drowe and FlyingElvis' jokes. Seriously if you kept it to just those 2 I think it'd be fine. Post your planned jokes. I'm interested to see them.

[drowe]

i would also avoid writing stuff down. gonna sound cliche, but just try to speak to how you really feel about your brother and his wife...and the marriage in general (unless of course you think the chick is a succubus...then, just lie). if you do that, it'll come across really well. plus, if you do break down and cry, you may feel like a tool, but it will almost assure you of hooking up with a bridesmaid later.

at my wedding i watched my brother crumple up his best man speech as he was standing up to give it. it was excellent. perfect mix of humor and mushy stuff.

but, yeah, you'll have to let us know how it goes.

[yourfavestoner]

Just don't talk about that one time in Mexico.

[Addict]

tell your brother that whatever he finds out about other guys it definately wasn't you and that those panties he may or may not find nudged in your coutch definately don't belong to the bride.

[TheBuffaloBills]

Okay, so this is my script:

Hello, let me start off by saying all the ladies especially Michelle look beautiful tonight! I’m glad you all could come to celebrate this special day for George and Michelle.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the taller, more attractive brother of George…. And still single…..Ladies.

But in all seriousness, George you are the man. Ever since I was a little kid, I looked up to you. I tried to follow everything you did……Good and Bad. But as I got older, you and I became very close. You are my Brother, and my best friend. We share the same interests: Sports, Video games, and we both have a severe obsession with the Buffalo Bills. I am glad that we’re best buddies. I’ve spoke with many friends who say their older brother doesn’t talk to them, or that they hate each other. I am truly glad we have a great relationship together. If it wasn’t for you, I would not be the man that I am today.


Michelle, I knew you were the one when you two went to Anderson’s and got Ice Cream. When you two came back to the house, I ran to the door to greet you guys. You surprised me with a bowl of Ice Cream from Anderson’s. Even though the Ice cream was melted, it was the thought that counts. Just from that, I knew you were caring, and thoughtful….. Perfect for George. Not only that, you were able to withstand watching the first day of the 2006 and 2009 NFL draft. That’s 9 hours straight of Sports Talk. Not even some of the Biggest Bills fans can bear all that sports in one sitting. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with that.


Okay, Michelle I have been living with George my whole life, and there is two things you need to know about George when you move in with him:

1) If you see George sweating, and breathing heavily, it’s probably because he encountered a centipede or any other multi-legged bug.

2) When my Brother gets home from work, the first thing he does is run up to his room, strips his shirt and tie down to his undies and reads about anything he missed about the Bills from that day.


George and Michelle, the last piece of advice Grandpa gave to me was, “Life is what you make of it”. So have some fun, take care and look out for each other. Thank you.
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I think that last piece of advice is good, because my Grandpa passed away last month. He always gave good advice, so I think it would mean a lot to him.

I'll try to get that T.O. comment in there, but this is my rough draft.

But overall, what do you guys think?

[djp]

"I remember when you met this ***** and told me you'd be hitting that later in the night. Little did we know what this would become. Congrats bro, I love you, and the bachelor party last week was insane"

[Todd Bertuzzi]

Just keep it short and sweet and it'll go fine.

[bored of education]

1. a lil funny story
2. a story showing his true love for his wife that you know of
3. serious part

that easy.

[TheBuffaloBills]

Okay, so this is my script:

Hello, let me start off by saying all the ladies especially Michelle look beautiful tonight! I’m glad you all could come to celebrate this special day for George and Michelle.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the taller, more attractive brother of George…. And still single…..Ladies.

But in all seriousness, George you are the man. Ever since I was a little kid, I looked up to you. I tried to follow everything you did……Good and Bad. But as I got older, you and I became very close. You are my Brother, and my best friend. We share the same interests: Sports, Video games, and we both have a severe obsession with the Buffalo Bills. I am glad that we’re best buddies. I’ve spoke with many friends who say their older brother doesn’t talk to them, or that they hate each other. I am truly glad we have a great relationship together. If it wasn’t for you, I would not be the man that I am today.


Michelle, I knew you were the one when you two went to Anderson’s and got Ice Cream. When you two came back to the house, I ran to the door to greet you guys. You surprised me with a bowl of Ice Cream from Anderson’s. Even though the Ice cream was melted, it was the thought that counts. Just from that, I knew you were caring, and thoughtful….. Perfect for George. Not only that, you were able to withstand watching the first day of the 2006 and 2009 NFL draft. That’s 9 hours straight of Sports Talk. Not even some of the Biggest Bills fans can bear all that sports in one sitting. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with that.


Okay, Michelle I have been living with George my whole life, and there is two things you need to know about George when you move in with him:

1) If you see George sweating, and breathing heavily, it’s probably because he encountered a centipede or any other multi-legged bug.

2) When my Brother gets home from work, the first thing he does is run up to his room, strips his shirt and tie down to his undies and reads about anything he missed about the Bills from that day.


George and Michelle, the last piece of advice Grandpa gave to me was, “Life is what you make of it”. So have some fun, take care and look out for each other. Thank you.
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I think that last piece of advice is good, because my Grandpa passed away last month. He always gave good advice, so I think it would mean a lot to him.



Is that too long?

[SuperKevin]

So your only criteria for marriage is the ability to buy you ice cream?

[TimDris]

lol think of a different example.

[TheBuffaloBills]

So your only criteria for marriage is the ability to buy you ice cream?

Yeah, I gotta think of a better example.

[Shane P. Hallam]

I like it TBB. You are a true comedian.

[CJSchneider]

http://pugetsoundblogs.com/forecasting-kitsap/files/2009/04/ice-cream-truck.jpg

Apparently in TBB's neighborhood, the ice-cream truck plays "Here Comes the Bride"

[Smokey Joe]

Say you slept with her, and then pull out a pair of panties from your back pocket...

No, I'm just kidding... DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!

[kwilk103]

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

[Brent]

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
I forgot about that part. I need to see that again.

[MetSox17]

i thought ur a comedian, how can you be afraid of talking in front of a lot of people :/

Did you know Mitch Hedberg always had stage fright?

[wicket]

Couple of do's and donts (keep in mind I am drunk whilst typing this)
Do's
-Be funny
-Make clear how/why HE fell in love with her
-Appear slightly jealous of their love, even when it is fake

Dont's
-try and make it stand-up comedy, jokes are a part of it but not the goal
-mention exes of either
-do the speach as drunk as I am now
-try and empathise to much with the bride, you are the best man of the groom and not of the couple, you want to tell about his side of the story not her side
-mention that you did in fact tap the bride whilst your brother was dating her (even when it is true)
-Use any illustrative story that does not feature the bride and/or the groom. Really famous stories can be used as comparisons in some situations but thats the max of it.
-Use any form of bible scripture.

[TheBuffaloBills]

Okay people, Final Draft:


Hello, let me start off by saying all the ladies especially Michelle look beautiful tonight! I’m glad you all could come to celebrate this special day for George and Michelle.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the taller, more attractive brother of George…. And still single…..Ladies.

But in all seriousness, George you are the man. Ever since I was a little kid, I looked up to you. I tried to follow everything you did……Good or Bad. But as I got older, you and I became very close. You are my Brother, and my best friend. We share the same interests: Sports, Video games, and we both have a severe obsession for the Buffalo Bills. I am glad that we’re best buddies. I’ve spoke with many friends who say their older brother doesn’t talk to them, or that they hate each other, but I am truly glad we have a great relationship together. If it wasn’t for you, I would not be the man that I am today.




Michelle, I am glad that we have a new member to add to the family. I have been thinking about it everyday for the past month. It’s a perfect fit. I couldn’t be more excited………. that T.O. is now apart of the Buffalo Bills family. I’m just kidding. But Michelle, you are kind, thoughtful, and you have a good sense of humor. You are everything that I could wish for in a Sister-in-law. You and George make each other happy, and I believe that is the most important quality to have. You two complete one another.

George, you should be very thankful that you found a girl like Michelle. She was able to withstand watching the first day of the 2006 and 2009 NFL draft. That’s 9 hours straight of Sports Talk. Not even some of the Biggest Bills fans can bear all that sports in one sitting. Michelle, I give you a lot of credit for putting up with that.


Alright, Michelle I have been living with George my whole life, and there is one thing you need to know about him since you’ll be living with him.

1) If you see George sweating, and breathing heavily, it’s probably because he encountered a centipede, or any other multi-legged bug. To be honest, I think he would rather have a burglar in the house than this half inch bug.


Okay, let me end off this speech with the last piece of advice Grandpa gave to me. He said, “Life is what you make of it”. So have some fun, take care and look out for one another. Thank you.

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P.S. should I say T.O. or Terrell Owens? I think I'll say Terrell Owens.

[Gay Ork Wang]

id leave out the michelle at first.

I am glad that we have a new member to add to the family. I have been thinking about it everyday for the past month. It’s a perfect fit. I couldn’t be more excited………. that T.O. is now apart of the Buffalo Bills family.
that would suffice at first imo, everybody will think that you talk about her anyways

[Beans]

http://m.assetbar.com/uua7l9XpK.gif

[TheBuffaloBills]

id leave out the michelle at first.


that would suffice at first imo, everybody will think that you talk about her anyways

That's a good idea. I will walk behind her, and have everyone under the impression that I'm talking about her.

[Brent]

P.S. should I say T.O. or Terrell Owens? I think I'll say Terrell Owens.
I'd say 'Terrell Owens'.

[eaglesalltheway]

That bug thing is absolutely priceless! That should go over real well. Good luck man, to you and your brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law.

[TheBuffaloBills]

The speech was awesome! I felt bad when I brought up to T.O. joke, because during the build up, my sister in law, kept sighing and smiling at me. I was like, should I do this or not. But I did it and it was a HUGE HIT! Thank you Drowe. 80 percent of the people there shaked my hand and said it was awesome. It was the perfect speech, because it was only a page, yet I made my bro cry, and had a few big laughs. Some laughs were so big that I had to pause, just to wait for the clapping and laughter to finish. P.S. During that whole day, my Bro only cried for my speech. He didn't even cry for when his wife walked down the isle. It was crazy, and I'm drunk.

[MetSox17]

The speech was awesome! I felt bad when I brought up to T.O. joke, because during the build up, my sister in law, kept sighing and smiling at me. I was like, should I do this or not. But I did it and it was a HUGE HIT! Thank you Drowe. 80 percent of the people there shaked my hand and said it was awesome. It was the perfect speech, because it was only a page, yet I made my bro cry, and had a few big laughs. Some laughs were so big that I had to pause, just to wait for the clapping and laughter to finish. P.S. During that whole day, my Bro only cried for my speech. He didn't even cry for when his wife walked down the isle. It was crazy, and I'm drunk.

Great job TBB, you know you did an awesome job when people come up to you and congratulate you on it. Hold it down!

[SuperKevin]

The speech was awesome! I felt bad when I brought up to T.O. joke, because during the build up, my sister in law, kept sighing and smiling at me. I was like, should I do this or not. But I did it and it was a HUGE HIT! Thank you Drowe. 80 percent of the people there shaked my hand and said it was awesome. It was the perfect speech, because it was only a page, yet I made my bro cry, and had a few big laughs. Some laughs were so big that I had to pause, just to wait for the clapping and laughter to finish. P.S. During that whole day, my Bro only cried for my speech. He didn't even cry for when his wife walked down the isle. It was crazy, and I'm drunk.

If he wasn't able to cry when he saw his bride then I give the marriage 3 years tops before it ends in divorce

[TheBuffaloBills]

If he wasn't able to cry when he saw his bride then I give the marriage 3 years tops before it ends in divorce

That's funny because he said he knew he was going to be a sobbing baby up on the alter. She was beautiful, but somehow he was able to hold it all in.

[TheBuffaloBills]

Oh and for the dance that the Bridal party does for the walk to the table, I did this dance, along with some Takeo Spikes dance. It was a huge hit. Bigtime. It was funy because it was coming from a small white kid.

hFXAl9U6vvk

[HawkeyeFan]

Hope your not like my friend and fart when you get nervous.. If so, crop dust as much as possible.

[Brent]

what the **** are you doing on here TBB? you should be hooking up with a girl from the wedding

[Bills2083]

congrats TBB; glad everything went well for you.

[holt_bruce81]

I've been to 4 weddings in the past two years and in 3 of them I heard the same speech.

Tells the Bride to put her hand down on the table, then tells the groom to put his hand over hers and then says......now cherish this moment because it'll be the last time you'll have the upper hand in this relationship.

Always seems to get a good laugh.

[thebow305]

Haha, I gave a best man speech for my brother a couple years ago and mentioned in it something about my Sis-in-law moving, and she hadn't told her boss yet.
Her boss was at the wedding, and needless to say, my sister was just a little embarrassed. Good times! :)

[thebow305]

what the **** are you doing on here TBB? you should be hooking up with a girl from the wedding


Agreed...


Bridesmaids!!!!!

[broth223]

I got a "best man" speech tomorrow. (Muslims don't have a best man) Ready to bomb. Ugg I couldn't even talk to JBond about the Lions god knows what I'm going to do about this.

[SuperKevin]

Agreed...


Bridesmaids!!!!!

Bridesmaids? Pshaw. Go big or go home TBB. Sleep with the bride and then you can throw it in your brother's face at every family get together

[Gay Ork Wang]

I got a "best man" speech tomorrow. (Muslims don't have a best man) Ready to bomb. Ugg I couldn't even talk to JBond about the Lions god knows what I'm going to do about this.
haha "uhm i wanted to uhm ask uhm what do you think uhm about the uhm lions offseason uhm?"