View Full Version : The FML Thread
Addict
05-27-2009, 03:03 AM
Tell me a few depressing stories about your lives you guys. I could use some cheering up ;). Here's my FML of the day (and it's only 9 AM!)
I went to work this morning and on the way to the bus stop I tripped over some random piece of pavement lying around, instead of just half-tripping and walking on, my right knee just decided "screw this, I'm done for the day". So I ended up in the proposal position wondering what the hell just happened.
So walking on with one knee aching a bit, I was back on my way, I come to the bus stop bus is already there, but it's loading in it's last passenger, now normally I'd run the 80-something yards between myself and the bus and still be on it, but that knee didn't really make it any easier. So I limp-fast walk towards the bus which drove off when I was about halfway there, with some damn kid giving me the "sucks for you, lepper"-look through the back window.
With the next bus 30 minutes later, I sat patiently for ten minutes staring at the clouds before realizing that I have the kind of job that requires me to stand and walk around all day long (and smiling, no less) and that with a knee that was already sore my day was most likely going to fall somewhere between very very lousy and day in hell. Added in that I'm only earning about 30 bucks a day (that's in 10 hours, I don't even know if that's legal) I just though "screw this, I'm going home".
Eagerly awaiting the call from work. FML.
PS: Yes my knee still hurts. It's actually getting worse.
A Perfect Score
05-27-2009, 03:04 AM
Today, I got a text message that was 02/02, but never got 01/02. The first half of the message remains a mystery to me. FML.
HawkeyeFan
05-27-2009, 03:08 AM
I feel as if I should wank off right now, however. I have his fear that if I pause all music, and turn the .... video volume to a comfortable level, that my roomates girl toy, whom are probably doing it right now, is going to start moaning, making it feel really weird listening to the video and wanking.
FML
Addict
05-27-2009, 04:01 AM
I feel as if I should wank off right now, however. I have his fear that if I pause all music, and turn the .... video volume to a comfortable level, that my roomates girl toy, whom are probably doing it right now, is going to start moaning, making it feel really weird listening to the video and wanking.
FML
I'd go for it. Maybe the extra tension will result in a great payoff.
Cicero
05-27-2009, 04:05 AM
I feel as if I should wank off right now, however. I have his fear that if I pause all music, and turn the .... video volume to a comfortable level, that my roomates girl toy, whom are probably doing it right now, is going to start moaning, making it feel really weird listening to the video and wanking.
FML
Headphones?
HawkeyeFan
05-27-2009, 04:30 AM
Headphones?
LULz, funny story. I actually looked for and found them.
Mission Accomplished.
Addict
05-27-2009, 04:34 AM
LULz, funny story. I actually looked for and found them.
Mission Accomplished.
Orgasm!
http://www.the-election.com/i/bush-mission574x315.jpg
HawkeyeFan
05-27-2009, 04:38 AM
http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg
^^^ FHL!
Matthew Jones
05-27-2009, 07:30 AM
http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg
^^^ FHL!
what in the world...
Look at the tattoo he's got, hahaha
I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it looks more ridiculous than it did before he weighed 74 pounds.
Philliez01
05-27-2009, 10:56 PM
http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg
^^^ FHL!
JIM SORGI!
CJSchneider
05-27-2009, 10:58 PM
http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg
^^^ FHL!
Somebody hand him a sandwich or something.
Chucky
05-27-2009, 10:59 PM
Somebody hand him a sandwich or something.
Where's AQ :)
fischbowl
05-27-2009, 10:59 PM
http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg
^^^ FHL!
That guy is a boner in more ways than one
sbh15
05-27-2009, 11:01 PM
My brother's friend got drunk the other night and they went to cookout.
On the way into his room, the kid tried to put the lemonade on the door handle, turned it and it spilled everywhere. He then went onto FML and tried to post "Today, I spilled my lemonade."
He was borderline crying about it too.
BlindSite
05-27-2009, 11:04 PM
I ran out of instant coffee today.
CJSchneider
05-27-2009, 11:04 PM
Where's AQ :)
Why? Does she make good sandwiches?
Chucky
05-27-2009, 11:06 PM
I have an exam tomorrow and just started studying.
FML
tjsunstein
05-27-2009, 11:07 PM
I have an exam tomorrow and just started studying.
FML
You're still in school. FYL
CashmoneyDrew
05-27-2009, 11:07 PM
I have an exam tomorrow and just started studying.
FML
I'm on summer break with no school for 3 more months.
LML
Todd Bertuzzi
05-27-2009, 11:09 PM
I'm still in high school. FML
Xiomera
05-27-2009, 11:17 PM
The Blackhawks lost tonight . . . oh wait . . . I wanted that.
the decider13
05-27-2009, 11:18 PM
I need to start filling out my community college applications.
fml
The_Dude
05-27-2009, 11:20 PM
I was playing tag with a bunch of 8th graders 3 weeks ago. I fell and got a grade 2 seperation of my shoulder. I have been walking around with my arm in a sling.
FML
The Unseen
05-27-2009, 11:30 PM
Today, I went to /b/ for the first time. I saw a pic of a dude's wang. I went to /b/ for the last time also. FML
JT Jag
05-27-2009, 11:31 PM
I'm in the boonies in North Carolina right now. Over the course of the last three weeks I've been bitten by more mosquites, ticks and assassin bugs (oh my!) then I had the entirety of my life beforehand. FML
RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES
05-28-2009, 12:41 AM
I forgot all about the Barcelona vs Man U game today FML
I did not know the Orioles played an early game today and missed a 12-10 win. Not only did we win but Reimold hit a 3run walk off HR FML
A Perfect Score
05-28-2009, 12:43 AM
Someone in the Movie Discussion Thread said that the new Terminator movie was better then both T1 and T2 and proceeded to call them both "B-movies." FML
the decider13
05-28-2009, 12:43 AM
I forgot all about the Barcelona vs Man U game today FML
I did not know the Orioles played an early game today and missed a 12-10 win. Not only did we win but Reimold hit a 3run walk off HR FML
That is a lot to forget about...the Barca game was awesome. FYL
tjsunstein
05-28-2009, 12:46 AM
Went to a rememberance service today for someone that passed away. They said, "Thanks for coming." I replied with, "Anytime." FML.
RAVENS/WIZARDS/ORIOLES
05-28-2009, 12:54 AM
That is a lot to forget about...the Barca game was awesome. FYL
I started playing WII sports and since I just got the piece to play boxing me and my sisters boyfriend sat there for about 4 hours beating the **** out of people. It was fun because we created Manny Pacquiao. Then about 7 came around and I was thinking to myself "The game comes on soon" then bam the Barcelona vs Man U popped in my head and I was heated. Then I went to go see if there was an O's game on and it was already over. FML
Gay Ork Wang
05-28-2009, 04:27 AM
you've got to start your FML sentences with "Today," you noobs!
The Unseen
05-28-2009, 10:36 AM
you've got to start your FML sentences with "Today," you noobs!
Correct.
Such as: "Today, I typed 'that's why we American football.' Now I'm a ******* meme. FML."
drowe
05-28-2009, 10:52 AM
took a 7 hour road trip to western MN over memorial day weekend. to prep for this, i went to Wal Mart to get new tires (normally not a fan of the wal mart stores, but if ya buy tires there, they rotate them for free). anyway, the guy looked at my tires and said i didn't need new ones. i was surprised. it had been quite a while since i got tires. years. but, whatever. if a dude tells me NOT to give him money, i usually listen to him.
well, 2 days later, it's road trip time. i got 60 miles out of town and guess what happens...yup...rear driver's side tire blew out. first time that's ever happened to me. so, i pulled off the road and put the spare on. then drove to the next city and found a wal mart (i really do hate wal mart. but it was 6 pm on a friday of a holiday weekend and i was doubting a REAL tire place would be open). so, they put a real tire on and i was on my way....2 hours later.
then i got to stupid MN (worst state ever) and was on a stupid state highway where the speed limit inexplicably varied between 55 and 65. well, i was going 67 and got pulled over. and the ************* pig-******* waste of sperm game me a goddamn ticket. AND THE GOD DAMN SPEED LIMIT CHANGED BACK TO 65 ABOUT A MILE LATER.
so, got to MN at 1:30 and got my 1.5 year old daughter out of the seat and expected to lay her down...well, she woke up and realized she was somewhere new and just wanted to play. took forever to get her back to sleep.
worst. roadtrip. ever.
vikes_28
05-28-2009, 12:20 PM
isn't this kinda like the fail thread?
Brent
05-28-2009, 12:30 PM
worst. roadtrip. ever.
Discount Tire will rotate your tires for free if you buy from them, for future reference. Also, next time you kid gets like that: NyQuil. That'll do the trick.
AntoinCD
05-28-2009, 12:47 PM
I was playing a hurling match on Monday night and tore my hamstring
FML
SuperKevin
05-28-2009, 12:50 PM
Today, I let my roommates hyperactive kids watch Paul Blart Mall Cop and apparently its true. Nobody does win with a headbutt which I learned after one of the kids headbutted me in the groin causing me to reflexively lift my knee...directly into the kids face. I now have to pay the hospital bill for his broken nose. FML
eaglesalltheway
05-28-2009, 01:08 PM
Today, I let my roommates hyperactive kids watch Paul Blart Mall Cop and apparently its true. Nobody does win with a headbutt which I learned after one of the kids headbutted me in the groin causing me to reflexively lift my knee...directly into the kids face. I now have to pay the hospital bill for his broken nose. FML
That is pretty awesome.
Today I fell down on the stairs while walking up them. FML.
But I didn't fall down to the bottom, just tripped...FTW!
HawkeyeFan
05-28-2009, 01:20 PM
I have an exam tomorrow and just started studying.
FML
You study?
Grow a pair!
You're still in school. FYL
Some of us have to take a couple summer courses. It ain't too bad, if you take the right ones. I got two Sociology courses, and halfway done.
steelersfan43
05-28-2009, 08:26 PM
Today, I let my roommates hyperactive kids watch Paul Blart Mall Cop and apparently its true. Nobody does win with a headbutt which I learned after one of the kids headbutted me in the groin causing me to reflexively lift my knee...directly into the kids face. I now have to pay the hospital bill for his broken nose. FML
Dont pay. Its the ****** kids own fault, teaches him a lesson not to ******* headbutt people, even if it was an accident.
stephenson86
05-28-2009, 08:36 PM
I'm on summer break with no school for 3 more months.
LML
ive been on summer break for a month and i have 4 more off and im going to wimbledon for free and egypt for free this summer so win
critesy
05-29-2009, 01:12 AM
i was doing this real hot girl and she was on top and then i thought i felt her drooling on my shoulder/chest so i let it slide for a bit but then it continued so i was like are you drooling on me?! and i felt it and it was blood and i got a bloody nose, she then proceeded to the door. FML.
jayceheathman
05-29-2009, 01:18 AM
I read one horrible one on fmylife.com. The girl said she was getting a tattoo of her boyfriend's name and he even offerred to pay for it. The second it was finished and she looked in the mirror the boyfriend broke up with her and left.
the decider13
05-29-2009, 01:22 AM
i was doing this real hot girl and she was on top and then i thought i felt her drooling on my shoulder/chest so i let it slide for a bit but then it continued so i was like are you drooling on me?! and i felt it and it was blood and i got a bloody nose, she then proceeded to the door. FML.
you win the thread
ChezPower4
05-29-2009, 01:58 AM
I read one horrible one on fmylife.com. The girl said she was getting a tattoo of her boyfriend's name and he even offerred to pay for it. The second it was finished and she looked in the mirror the boyfriend broke up with her and left.
That just made my day!!!!
I would like to shake that man's hand
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