TFLN

[CJSchneider]

I can't take the credit for this. Jensen posted it in the funny pictures thread and I think they deserve their own.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/recent/1

(253): I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

[djp]

This site and FML are dumb now because people write them specifically for the site and they aren't real anymore.

[CJSchneider]

Thanks Debbie Downer - just post one and enjoy it. LOL

[tjsunstein]

(210): I just want to hang out with her.
(916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

Real or not, some of these are funny.

[Addict]

didn't we have a thread about his a while ago?

Anyways, yeah most of them are fake but they're still a good laugh.

[the decider13]

I put one of these in my sig a long time ago haha

[CC.SD]

I wasn't expecting a big laugh but this one got me:

(434): well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard

[TitleTown088]

Old news CJ, but good none the less.

[The Unseen]

(818): I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

[diabsoule]

(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

(215): Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
(215): i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way

(925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

[badgerbacker]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

[nobodyinparticular]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

I think this analogy is hilarious. Wrong, but hilarious nonetheless.

[scottyboy]

(732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

not sure what's more hilarious: the actual text or that it's my area code...

[Shane P. Hallam]

(732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

not sure what's more hilarious: the actual text or that it's me

Fixed it for ya scotty.

[Giantsfan1080]

(732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

not sure what's more hilarious: the actual text or that it's my area code...

732!!!!! Sounds like something a Jersey girl would say and do.

[The Unseen]

Dood, I didn't know those were area codes!

My area code:

(904): I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

[The Unseen]

(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.

[ImBrotherCain]

(315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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(315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
(203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho

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(850): So are we goin out tonight?
(315): Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
(850): And that was fun, wasn't it?
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(631): peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

[MichaelJordanEberle (sabf)]

(412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

[CJSchneider]

(601): How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
(318): Alcohol?
(601): Sex with a fat chick.

[The Unseen]

(203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

(301): Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimd runk

(914): he puts the ***** in happiness.

(239): I wish I could drop acid with the muppets

[The Unseen]

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

[Todd Bertuzzi]

(508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

(805): My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.


(513): I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.

[The Unseen]

(714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

(484): At the Phils game. My *** buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm ***, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of ****." I love this ****** town.

[diabsoule]

I have grown addicted to this site. I bust out laughing at work.

[Dam8610]

(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now