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KobeBryant833
01-19-2011, 08:52 PM
I recently had my grandpa and having a tough time dealing with it in many ways. Has anyone here before noticed they have not been able to eat after someone in your family has passed away?

A Perfect Score
01-19-2011, 08:59 PM
I was raised in a situation that was very alright with death. My father, being a firefighter, had 1001 stories about death and deathly situations and was never afraid to share with me when I was a kid. He's a realist, and he taught me it's something that you just put into it's place and move on from there. Its an unavoidable fact of life that people you know will die. Im well aware that I usually come across callous and cold in these situations, but honestly...if you just recognize that it is what it is and speak fondly of the individual when he's brought up in conversation I think you'll feel much better about it then if you let something so immutable eat way at you.

CashmoneyDrew
01-19-2011, 09:01 PM
It affects everyone differently. When my grandma and uncle both died, I went to their funerals and didn't cry. Just kind of paid my respects and tried to move on as cold as that sounds.

KobeBryant833
01-19-2011, 09:07 PM
It affects everyone differently. When my grandma and uncle both died, I went to their funerals and didn't cry. Just kind of paid my respects and tried to move on as cold as that sounds.

I wish it was as easy as that for me. I walked in on my grandma having a stroke when i was in 3rd grade, just about killed me. Now being 19 i still get very emotional. I made some mistakes when i was home and didn't visit my grandpa and now hes gone like that. Im a pallbearer at the funeral, and i might cry more than anyone else at the funeral. Maybe after i see him one last time i will be able to return to eating food. losing 11 pounds doesn't go over well with my coaches.

Philliez01
01-19-2011, 09:15 PM
The one thing I can suggest, and I'm not a psychiatrist, is that you can't change what happened. The only thing you can change is how you think about/treat that person.

I have some regrets to over loved ones but I also had great times. I also had funny memories and also not-so funny ones. But I can laugh when thinking of the funny stuff and I do know that I loved them when they were around.

Hell, I lost two grandparents (from my mom's side) in about 11 months. My grandmother was the last to go and it was the most agonizing experience ever. Her colon was removed and she lived with us, mostly in pain (but able to still use the restroom, eat, drink and function....just had chronic hip pain) and lived with us for 7 months. She then fell off her bed and broke her hip and three weeks later, she wasn't with us anymore.

The one that killed me the most, believe it or not, was the death of my basset hound, after my HS graduation (2009)....that was hard.

But you can't change what you did or didn't do. It's cliche' but also very sobering. But you can change how you remember your loved ones.

Wish for the best.

CJSchneider
01-19-2011, 09:18 PM
This too shall pass.

I lost my father when I was nine years old. As he was a veteran, he received a military funeral. While I was enlisted in the U.S. Army, I assigned to a funeral detail. I held it together while folding the U.S. flag, during the 21 gun salute and for Taps. After the funeral was over, as I walked back to the transport bus, I lost it. I broke down. I had a rough month while doing numerous military funerals. That being said, after my father passed my maternal grandfather become a "father" figure to me. He passed just over two years ago. When I was told to come home to California to say my goodbyes, I couldn't hold it in.When I say I cried, that is an understatement.
Alas, in time, all wounds are healed and eventually you will return to normalcy, or as close to it as possible. There are no real "words" anyone, to include myself, can offer that will make you feel better, but know that many of us here have experienced the same, feel for your lose and wish you and your family the very best.

vikes_28
01-19-2011, 09:28 PM
I'm the kind of guy that never cries at a funeral. I don't see it as mourning someone's death, I see it more as celebrating someone's life that they had here.

For example, a pretty close friend of mine died in a car accident recently, it was very sad, but when I was at the funeral I thought of something that he and I did when we were kids and just kind of chuckled out loud about it, nothing obnoxious, discreet, but when I thought about it, it just made me appreciate that person more.

Think of the positives, and always remember that they are in your heart.

nepg
01-19-2011, 09:33 PM
Everyone deals with it differently. Myself, the waterworks usually start pouring out during the eulogy and again when the immediate family gets together for the Irish part of the evening.

Paul
01-19-2011, 09:42 PM
I lost both my parents, but it's just a part of life. I cried at the funeral and everything, but i felt like I was obligated too. Til this day, the only time when the real emotions creep in is when I'm alone in my room or driving in my car alone. One little tiny thing could spark a memory and I can't even find the strength to fight back the tears. Can't say it "gets better" with time, but you'll eventually get better at dealing with it.

KobeBryant833
01-19-2011, 09:46 PM
Everyone deals with it differently. Myself, the waterworks usually start pouring out during the eulogy and again when the immediate family gets together for the Irish part of the evening.

I feel you there, ill be crying the whole time

Babylon
01-19-2011, 10:18 PM
Everyone deals with it differently. Myself, the waterworks usually start pouring out during the eulogy and again when the immediate family gets together for the Irish part of the evening.

My mother died this past year and i was asked/told by my sister that i was picked to do the eulogy. My sister's claim was because i lived on the other side of the country i didnt have to deal with Ma going downhill therefore do the eulogy and like it. It went rather well i guess because everyone commented on it. My mother propped me up as a kid growing up and i think she helped get me through that day.

My mother was 90 so maybe i was prepared for it and when she passed i was actually relieved because the last couple of years she had come down with dimentia and she wasnt herself. We would talk every friday long distance and if i had a dime for every time she said she didnt want to live if she didnt have her faculties i'd be rich.

Time seems to heal everything it seems.

Don Vito
01-20-2011, 12:33 AM
It is terrible no matter what, I can usually fight back showing how sad/upset I am until I'm alone and something will hit me and spark a random memory. What will get me is seeing someone who I am close with being visibly distraught, that will eat away at me more than anything.

trkaline
01-20-2011, 01:00 AM
Death only really affects me at the funeral if at all, afterwards however I may think of the departed briefly from time to time but just in a passing thought. After that its mostly like they never existed.

KobeBryant833
01-20-2011, 02:02 AM
Death only really affects me at the funeral if at all, afterwards however I may think of the departed briefly from time to time but just in a passing thought. After that its mostly like they never existed.

Ever had someone close to you die?

trkaline
01-20-2011, 02:09 AM
Ever had someone close to you die?

My mother 6 years ago, my grandparents on my moms side, the only girl I've ever had feelings for, a couple friends.

Halsey
01-20-2011, 03:30 AM
Life is temporary. I just want to live a long time and see lots of cool stuff. I hope your grandpa got to see lots of cool stuff.

Gay Ork Wang
01-20-2011, 03:43 AM
Last week my grandpa died. It was a downer for about 2-3 days. But sometimes you just have to move on. I dont think my grandpa wouldve want me to be so down about this. He wouldve told me "man up and continue your life"

fenikz
01-20-2011, 03:58 AM
Only death that has ever really affected me is my dog, and it wasn't his death that got to me, it was watching him suffer, tearing up right now thinking about him. I still kind of expect him to greet me at the door sometimes when i come home then I remember that he is gone

Gay Ork Wang
01-20-2011, 04:23 AM
who is cutting onions this early :/

Sniper
01-20-2011, 07:38 AM
who is cutting onions this early :/

IT'S GETTING VERY DUSTY IN HERE, DAMN IT!

Lost two dogs, a friend and a second cousin. Cried like a baby every time, but especially with the two dogs.

killxswitch
01-20-2011, 10:09 AM
My grandfathers died before I was born and no one that I am or could've been very close to had died since. My aunt died when I was 13 or 14 and I did know her but I didn't get that upset about it. I'm sure I'll lose it whenever my grandmothers die. I already feel guilty for not going to see them as much as I should.

trkaline
01-20-2011, 10:34 AM
I had a golden retriever pup when I was 3... Around that time I watched Old Yellar for the first time... as well as the last time... One night, my brother opened the door and the dog ran out into the street where it got hit by a car. That is pretty much the highlight that stands out from my childhood, the rest is pretty hazy.

The_Dude
01-20-2011, 10:47 AM
**** all that "tough it out" ****. It doesn't work for everybody.

If it is having a major impact on your life, like not eating for a while etc, then you shoudl take the time to talk to someone who deals with loss and grief. They can make a world of difference and get you back onthe right track.

FlyingElvis
01-20-2011, 11:01 AM
Loss of appetite, depression, guilt, etc. are all "normal" reactions under the circumstances.

Sorry for your loss, and good luck working through your feelings. It's never easy, that's for sure.