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The You Can't Handle the Truth Mock

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  • The You Can't Handle the Truth Mock

    1. Oakland Raiders via trade - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
    Matt Ryan isn't good enough to say F U to John Beck so Parcells will trade down farther in the draft. I did a coin flip myself and the Falcons won so they slide into the 3 spot. Raider nation is furious and has only one choice which is to trade ahead of ATL to secure the rights to McFadden

    2. St. Louis Rams - Chris Long, DE, UVA
    I think that unlike most fans the Rams fans can admit to the fact that their defense straight sucks a big one and Chris Long = money. Whatever the system, he can play in it. And his dad is Howie freakin Long!

    3. Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
    This team is in shambles and I feel bad for them. I really do. I feel bad for any team that has to play Joey Harrington but even worse for the whole Vick crap. Thats why I'm giving them a good wholesome kid from a nice Jesuit school to give the city a face lift, Nip Tuck style. Sadly, I give him 2 months in the city before he's selling crack.

    4. Denver Broncos via Trade - Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
    What?!!? I thought Parcells traded down to this pick?!?! Well he's at it again! Hey Denver remember that whole idea of bringing in all Cleveland Browns rejects for the D Line. Yea...it didn't work...at all.

    5. Kansas City Chiefs - Jake Long, OT, Michigan
    Larry Johnson = Happiest Man Alive
    Brodie Croyle = Second Happhiest Man Alive
    Jake Long = One Pissed Off Draftee

    6. New York Jets - Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
    But what about Kellen Clemons?!?! Are you serious? I mean really are you serious? Penningtons out the door. Thats a fact. With no one to even push for the job Clemons is going to continue down the path of crappy Jets QBs. With Brohm in the picture, Clemons can revert to crappy backup. That whole 5 tds to 10 ints ration...not a good thing.

    7. New England Patriots - Jordy Nelson
    It just makes sense. No way they keep Moss and Stallworth. One of the two is gone and we all know the Pats won't pay the big $$ to keep players. I'd really like to see the Moss TD record broken sooner rather than later and Brady to Nelson just seems to be about the best combo ever. Actually, anyone to Nelson could get it done. Shoot maybe I should go back and just give him to ATL.

    8. Baltimore Ravens - Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
    Some might be tempted to go Andre Woodson here but the answer in Baltimore at qb is the ony and only Troy Smith. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise Baltimore fans! Troy just needs weapons!! Mason is going to be 34, Darling sucks, and Figurs is an amazing return specialists but not much of a polished receiver. Kelly and Clayton may not have seen much field time together in Oklahoma but I have to assume they have that intuitive connection. Don't worry its a deep CB class you can get one in rd 2.

    9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
    Another team thats willing to admit that their defense blows. I'm one of those people that thinks Ellis isnt much of a downgrade from Dorsey but I'm not sure that he's thug enough for Cinci...

    10. New Orleans Saints - Malcolm Jenkins, CB, OSU
    Two words...Jason David

    11. Buffalo Bills - Adarius Bowman, WR, Oklahoma State
    I have to assume the Bills are going to reach with this pick. Thats the undeniable truth right? Laurinaitis, Clady, Phillips, those all seem like viable options to the average Joe. Hey maybe in a year or two we'll find out the Bills knew something we didn't with some of their recent draft picks.

    12. Miami Dolphins via Trade - James Laurinaitis, ILB, OSU
    I was tempted to keep trading down with Parcells for fun but someone has to replace the great Zach Thomas at some point right? I'd love to see the guy play into his 40s as much as anyone but unless he has some close ties to some Buddhist Monks that no one knows about I don't see it happening

    13. Carolina Panthers - Kenny Phillips, S, Miami
    The Panthers will not draft a safety in rd 1!!!!!! I'm not joking about this!! Did anyone ever sit and think that maybe this is part of the problem?

    14. Chicago Bears - Andre Woodson, QB, Kentucky
    If I were a Bears fan and I had to watch Kyle Orton or Rex Grossman take another snap as the Bears starting quarterback I might be forced to commit myself into a mental institute.

    15. Detoirt Lions - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
    I hate being so nice to the Lions but lets face it, Kitna spent more time on his back this past year than Jessica Drake.

    16. Arizona Cardinals - Mike Jenkins, CB, USF
    The Cards already have a lot of mediocre players that will keep them from jolting to that next level so heck why not add another one.

    17. Minnesota Vikings - Erin Henderson, LB, UMD
    It's just too good to be true! In order to bring the brother together the Vikings will move to a 3-4 this offseason which would allow Erin and EJ to share the duties inside! What a beautiful scene that would be! Ray Edwards and Brian Robison would be better off playing outside backers in a 3-4 anyway so its a win win.

    18. Houston Texans - Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas
    Thank god for the Texans sake that Mario Williams came around this year. It hard enough trying to sleep every night knowing your the Texans head coach but to add screwing up that draft pick on top of that would just be murder. Here they pass on another franchise running back for a glitzy defensive player

    19. Philadelphia Eagles - Mario Manningham, WR, Michigan
    Why you may ask? Simple. I hate the Eagles. I hate Manningham. I hate Michigan. And its my mock.

    20. Tampa Bay Bucs - Desean Jackson, WR, Cal
    With Galloway pushing 37 and crap behind him they have to bring in another wr right? Jacksons pretty darn good at KRs too.

    21. Washington Redskins - Vernon Gholston, DE, OSU
    You don't think that Gholston dropping to this spot was by strange coincidence do you?

    22. Dallas Cowboys from Browns - Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt
    Just cause I wanna make D Unit happy.

    23. Seattle Seahawks - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
    Its nice to see Alexander look so helpless. I would have gone with Stewart here but I like him and I enjoy seeing Seahawk players struggle so I'm going with Mendenhall who I don't much like. I'm not saying that Mendenhall isn't good because he definitely is. I just dont like him much and so this fits.

    24. Pittsburgh Steelers - Dan Conner, LB, Penn State
    This team needs to learn how to tackle. Dan seems to get that done fairly well with all the tackles hes notched at Penn State. It wouldn't surprise me if even without any NFL experience he could teach some of the guys on the Steelers Defense how to wrap up a runner.

    25. Tennessee Titans - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
    Sure they probably need a WR a lot more but seriously how fun would it be to see a team that ran the ball like 60-70 times a game on average. I'd watch every game.

    26. New York Giants - Tom Zbikowski, S, Notre Dame
    See Eagles explanation listed above ^^

    27. San Diego Chargers - Nic Harris, S, Oklahoma
    In all seriousness this kids a baller and I'd really just like to see him on the Chargers defense. He may not come out but if he does this is a team that hed be fun to watch play for.

    28. Jacksonville Jaguars - Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
    Peyton is going to shed the Jags corners so badly that some of them might quit life let alone football. And since Scott says that Leodis is a first rounder I have to put him in here somewhere right?

    29. San Fran via Colts - Glenn Mathew Long
    Did they really trade their top ten pick to the Pats? Come on now. Well here they make it all worthwhile getting a little bit of everything they kinda hoped for had they had an early pick.

    30. Dallas Cowboys - Colt Brennan, QB, Hawaii
    Word has it that this is Romos last year in the NFL as he will be taking some time off to star in the Brokeback Mountain trilogy. I'm not lying.

    31. New England Patriots - CHEATERS!

    32. Green Bay Packers - Brittany Favre, All Purpose, Oak Grove High School
    Might be a little bit early in terms of value but they dont wanna take the chance shell go off the board in rd 2. Aaron is ready to take over so Brittany will have a few years before its her time to shine.

  • #2
    Entertaining mock.

    We would take Long over Ryan easily.

    "He's the leader of the next great class of NFL players." - John Elway on Matt Ryan

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    • #3
      At first I was pissed cause I thought you were serious, but then I read the second Cowboys pick and laughed. D Unit would love to have Colt Brennan on the Cowboys as even a back-up. =D


      Originally posted by Halsey
      I don't have to watch it to know it was not interesting.

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      • #4
        Love the Buccaneer pick. Desean is exactly what the Buccaneers need.

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        • #5
          Hah, pretty funny.

          Seriously though, if the Giants ever took Tom Zbikowski in the first I would disregard the 'Do Not Feed the Lions' sign at the zoo and feed the Lions me.

          Tom Zbikowski is evil, pure evil.

          It's too early in the morning..ugh..
          (shameless self-promotion)
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          • #6
            I wouldn't mind having Brittany on my team


            Follow me on Twitter! http://twitter.com/#!/aMo_Captain

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            • #7
              Wow...........

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              • #8
                Malcolm Kelly?????

                EWE! in fact I follow that up with EWE!

                I agree we need WR help but we dont need Ozzie newsome to draft any WR in the 1st rd because that player will inevitably be a bust like the other first rd WRs Ozzie has picked. We need to get a true #1 WR through trade or free agency.
                HALL OF FAMER!
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                • #9
                  Way too high for Kelly, Nelson, and Bowman IMO.

                  No way we pass on Gholston for Laurinaitis. I might stop watching the rest of the draft if that happens.

                  Dolphins Dream Draft: 1. Jaylon Smith 2. Artie Burns 3. Landon Turner

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                  • #10
                    raiders wont trade up..
                    Derrick Morgan > All

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                    • #11
                      Seems like the Jets management likes Clemens and will give him a shot to start next season. He played a few of his games with just one of our two starting wideouts and behind a crappy offensive line. Plus he led us to 3 of our 4 wins in about as many starts as Pennington, and that's really what it's all about. No way we draft a QB in the first round this year after half a season with a young QB that had very little to work with. Is he the answer? Maybe, maybe not. But we're not going to give up on him this quickly. By the way, supposedly Pennington will be back next season. And Brohm probably isn't worth the pick there anyways. Just not a good pick at that spot at all.

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                      • #12
                        don't understand your cardinals explanation but good pick

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                        • #13
                          We would change our defense to a 3-4 to draft Erin Henderson who may not even be a first rounder right now. That makes absolutely no sense and is not in our area of need whatsoever. So you're saying we'd get rid of Greenway and Leber who have been great and just move Robison and Edwards to OLB leaving us absolutely nothing at DE besides the lackluster Kenechi Udeze?

                          EDIT: Just looked through the mock to see if you were actually mentally ill and saw that it was a joke so nevermind.
                          Last edited by BuckNaked; 01-09-2008, 03:33 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by BuckNaked View Post
                            We would change our defense to a 3-4 to draft Erin Henderson who may not even be a first rounder right now. That makes absolutely no sense and is not in our area of need whatsoever. So you're saying we'd get rid of Greenway and Leber who have been great and just move Robison and Edwards to OLB leaving us absolutely nothing at DE besides the lackluster Kenechi Udeze?

                            EDIT: Just looked through the mock to see if you were actually mentally ill and saw that it was a joke so nevermind.
                            haha i knew that people would comment on just their teams pick without reading it all and realizing that it was all just a joke.

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                            • #15
                              Raiders move is atrocious.

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