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Attempt at a Mock Parody

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  • Attempt at a Mock Parody

    1. Oakland Raiders – Mason Crosby - K

    I’m surprised that no one has made a joke about the Raiders possibly selecting a Kicker with their first overall pick. Well, of all people Al Davis has the most potential to pick a kicker with his first rounder, let alone the #1 pick. Hey who knows, maybe he grabs the wrong medicine on draft morning.

    2. Detroit Lions – Calvin Johnson – WR

    No this isn’t another one of those Millen taking a WR jokes… The parody here is that Millen actually makes a good pick, and gets a good player. Amidst all the combine numbers and physical statistics, Calvin Johnson can actually play – something missing from past Lions WRs. And for the record, he hasn’t been injured, caught smoking weed, and sleeping in team meetings. –Sorry Lions fans, I couldn’t help myself.

    3. Cleveland Brows – Alan Branch – DT

    Hey how bout another high talent low effort defensive lineman! The thinking here is that in order to inspire their D-lineman, the Cleveland Browns sneak a burger into the opposing QB’s hand-warmer. That’ll get these guys moving. And if all else fails, you will be one of the favorites for the Chunky Chicken soup commercials.

    4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Amobi Okoye – DT

    Not much to work with here but I’ll give it a shot. Gruden has a thing for falling in love with players at the Senior Bowl, and when Amobi Okoye’s specialties include being quick, strong and getting penetration into the backfield, he can play for Gruden any day of the week. ;)

    5. Arizona Cardinals – Joe Thomas OT

    In a dramatic shocker on Draft day, Mel Kiper reveals that he has been working for the Arizona Cardinals –both ticket sales, and insiders on Kipers website drop sharply. A little rattled, Kiper selects Joe Thomas. The hoping here is that since Thomas has been a lifelong fan of the Packers, he would surely know that the ‘Bears are who we thought they were’. With this knowledge, Thomas has an advantage over half of the Cardinals offense, and should expect to be a starter early on in his career.

    6. Cincinnati Crips (f/WAS) – Brandon Meriweather - S

    Dan Snyder admits that he has a phobia of having high draft picks, so in order to calm himself down he trades his first rounder to the Bengals for their 4th rounder and some laxatives.

    The Bengals address two needs here. They get another safety, and they get a backseat gunner for their gang. Meriweather has plenty of experience with automatic weapons and has great hand eye coordination. He should be a starter with the Bengals on Friday and Saturday nights while doing ‘business’, and then a backup for his rookie season on Sundays.

    7. Minnesota Vikings – Paul Posluszny – LB

    The Vikings get another injury prone player because their staff is secretly funding the Dharma initiative. By getting another injury prone player, they give their researches more to study about and gain more information. Pos should fit in well with Udeze, Greenway, James, and the smoke monster. Heck if there is a nuclear fallout, the Vikings will be the ones going ‘I told ya so’.

    8. Atlanta Falcons – Corey Brewer – WR/PF

    The Falcons dig into the Basketball player pool, and grab Corey Brewer from the National Champion Florida Gators. This way, not even Vick can miss a 6’9’’ target with long, girly arms.

    9. Miami Dolphins – Brady Quinn - QB

    What do the last 3 first rounder of the Miami Dolphins have in common? (Jason Allen FS, Ronnie Brown RB, Vernon Carey OT)
    Well, nothing… and neither does Brady Quinn.

    10. Houston Texans – Ikaika Alma-Francis - DE

    So the Texans grab a Hawaiian born player with the hope that he is somehow relate to Dog the Bounty Hunter. That way they could ask Francis to get Dog and his crew to hunt for Charlie Casserly for passing of Bush/Young last year.

  • #2
    Key work being "Attempt"

    You couldn't even do the whole 1st round?


    • #3
      Anyone normal got any opinions?


      • #4
        mine still reigns supreme:


        • #5
          You're is weak man, some of the picks just suck and the content aint much better


          • #6
            very weak.

            "Just Win Baby"- Al Davis


            • #7
              Ehhh, not really funny. Brewer's a Small Forward.

              big props to BoneKrusher for the sig & avatar
              - For daily NFL draft coverage:


              • #8
                durants better for atlanta then brewer
                Bubba kush for breakfast, with my captain crunch
                I smoke ten blunts before lunch
                Gucci Mane


                • #9
                  not funny is my opinion
                  my scent? making love to a lumberjack
                  <TACKLE> i will ngata give you a bj raji
                  <+BOE> Scott, with Burfict's character concerns (whether legit or not) you think Pioli would draft him. :D
                  <+ScottWright> Why not. Baldwin does need a sparring partner...
                  Originally posted by Hermstheman83
                  What's with the hate on Ricky Stanzi? Those youtube clips of him with the hulk hogan theme music instantly make him better than Luck.


                  • #10
                    Wow, that was pretty terrible.


                    • #11
                      Wow... find something else to do with your life please.

                      Great phins pick though!

                      Dolphins Dream Draft: 1. Jaylon Smith 2. Artie Burns 3. Landon Turner


                      • #12
                        getting tired of these "funny" mocks... i did however get a laugh out of the cincinatti pick/reasoning but thats all


                        • #13
                          This is a pathetic attempt that isn't remotely funny. A lot of the picks could actually occur in real life.


                          • #14
                            this bores me...



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