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The Simpsons Quotes Thread

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  • The Simpsons Quotes Thread

    It seems to me that there is a Simpsons quote for every possible situation that life may hold in store. Put your favorite Simpsons quotes in this thread.



    Ralph: Hi Lisa, I brought your homework! We have to read this!
    Lisa: The Wind In The Willows...?
    Ralph: It's about a toad and badger and a mole... I drawed on mine... is this my house?
    Lisa: No, you live in a different house.......
    Ralph: Choo choo choo choo woo woo!

    Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
    Moe: Yeah?
    Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
    Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
    Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
    Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

    Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
    Moe: No! *buzz* Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him. *ding*
    Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
    Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. *buzz* A date. *buzz* Dinner with a friend. *buzz* Dinner alone. *buzz* Watching TV alone. *buzz* Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. *buzz* Sears catalog. *ding* Now would you unhook this already, please! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*

    Burns: Look at them. Smug and secure in their finery. Mocking us.
    Homer: Uh, they're just snowmen, Mr. Burns.
    Burns: Ah, snowmen have peepers. Peepers to watch. To watch for a moment of weakness and then BAFF comes the knock in the head and we're down!
    Homer: What do we do?
    Burns: Oh...wouldn't you like to know.

    Homer: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

    Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

    Lenny: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence ... of being a jerk."

    SCORPIO: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country: Italy or France?
    HOMER: France.
    SCORPIO: [chuckles] Nobody ever says Italy.

    DO RE ME, by Homer J. Simpson
    DOUGH... the stuff... that buys me beer...
    RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
    ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
    FAR..... the distance to my beer
    SO...... I think I'll have a beer...
    LA...... La la la la la la beer
    TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...

    Marge: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson! I don't want to snuggle with "Max Power"!
    Homer: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the "G"s!

    Grandpa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

    HOMER(while watching tv): Hey boy, where you going?
    BART(walking through with camping backpack): The father-son rafting trip
    HOMER: PFFFT! You don't have a son. (continues watching tv)

    sig by BoneKrusher

    PACKERS BADGERS BREWERS BUCKS

  • #2
    Great idea!

    Originally posted by Homer Simpson
    Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
    Originally posted by Homer Simpson
    Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
    Originally posted by Homer Simpson
    It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
    Originally posted by Homer Simpson
    Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

    Originally posted by ElectricEye
    I'm a whiny little kunt. Feel sorry for me as I go masturbate to a picture of my mom dressed as a teletubby.

    Comment


    • #3
      I love this thread. I used to look up Simpsons quotes when I was bored just for a good laugh.

      Classic quotes.

      Comment


      • #4
        "Hello... My name is Homer Incognito..."

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by draftexcluder View Post
          "Hello... My name is Homer Incognito..."
          I believe that was "Guy Incognito", tsk tsk.

          sig by BoneKrusher

          PACKERS BADGERS BREWERS BUCKS

          Comment


          • #6
            "Moe: You wanna know how to make a peach crumble? Kick it in the groin."

            Comment


            • #7
              How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?




              2 C 5:6-8 Jakob Murphy aka themaninblack

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              • #8
                I still think I have a 5 minute clip of Ralph Wiggum quotes on my iPhone.

                Comment


                • #9
                  "Me fail english? That's unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum
                  Originally posted by Scott Wright
                  I could also go on a rant about how Uncle Joe from Willky Wonka is a major dick.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Go to bread.
                    I want a sig.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...



                      I am "America's Poster"... http://www.nfldraftcountdown.com/for...9&postcount=25

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                      • #12
                        I love this one with Kent:


                        One of my favorites from Homer:


                        And of course, my life's philosophy:
                        "If you have one finger pointing at somebody, you have three pointing towards yourself."
                        ~Nigerian Proverb

                        Da riddum is too much for you.
                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nKx27QrgO0

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
                          Teller: Okay Mr. Burns, what's your first name.
                          Homer: I don't know.

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                          • #14
                            Gun Shop Guy: Woah! Careful there Annie Oakley
                            Homer: I don't have to be careful, I got a gun!
                            Gun Shop Guy: Well You'll Probably Want the accessory kit; holster?
                            Homer: yup
                            Gun Shop Guy: bandolier?
                            Homer: oh baby...
                            Gun Shop Guy: silencer?
                            Homer : yup
                            Gun Shop Guy: loudener?
                            Homer: uhuhuh
                            Gun Shop Guy: automatic cocker?
                            Homer: ooh, I like the sound of that
                            Gun Shop Guy: And this is for shooting down police helicopters
                            Homer: I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun!
                            Gun Shop Guy: Sorry, the law requires a five day waiting period, we have to run a background check.
                            Homer: Aww...five days but I'm mad now, I'd kill you if I had my gun.
                            Gun Shop Guy: Yah, well you don't.

                            sig by BoneKrusher

                            PACKERS BADGERS BREWERS BUCKS

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Burns: Get off my property.
                              Homer: Or else what? You're going to release the dogs? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in the their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?!

                              Moe: Alright, I don't like you and you don't like me.
                              Lisa: You don't like me? I like you...
                              Moe: You do? then i like you too!

                              Homer: Oh yeah... I know something his money CAN'T buy!
                              Marge: What's that?
                              Homer: ... a DINOSAUR!

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