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Old 04-11-2010, 08:39 PM    (permalink
descendency
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Originally Posted by HeavyLeggedWaistBender View Post
And any way you look at it, why would she include her apparently "jealous" ex boyfriend the day after his "jealous" episode.
Because you are on her friends list and she didn't think about it. If she talks to you at the event, then maybe there is reason to think the way you are thinking.
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Old 04-11-2010, 09:32 PM    (permalink
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There in, lies the rub=I dont know anyone else who'll be there. And, to make matters worse, its April 23rd. Yeah. And Im a Bear fan, meaning thats officially when our draft starts.

I really appreciate all the feedback Ive gotten.

[Update] I added up the confirmed, maybe, not attending, and not responded invitees and its well below her number of fb friends. Shes also not the admin for it so she saw it and invited atleast me. Thats a good sign.

Right?
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Old 04-11-2010, 10:54 PM    (permalink
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I still think you are looking into that too much.

In reality, if it is a positive, it's a small one. If she personally called you and asked you to come, that'd be a positive. If it was a text message, that'd be a positive. If you want, I'll ask a female friend what she thinks, but I think she'll agree with me.

Here's my advice, don't think about it again and just go. If you two have a good time together, tell her you had a nice time. If she responds positively, do something to show interest (put your arm around her lower waist, ask her to go somewhere together that is pretty obviously a date, kiss her, etc). If she responds negatively, start avoiding her, because you clearly seem infatuated. The only way to get over her will be to start seeing (and sexing) someone else.

edit: If you are worried about missing the 3rd round of the draft, I kind of feel bad for you.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:14 PM    (permalink
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This event is for a charity, so she tried to get as many people as she could to raise money. If this is like a formal diner I believe it is ok to bring a date, but don't just bring a girl to make her jealous, then you just look like an ass.
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Old 04-11-2010, 11:20 PM    (permalink
HeavyLeggedWaistBender
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I know Im reading into this too much, Im not a lunatic. But this is what this thread is for right? All the stuff you said has already happened, too (except the kissing). And neither of their fbs pages says 'in a relationship.' Listen, shes a shy girl. So there are no casual moves she makes. If she shows interest its genuine. But what Im trying to decifer is if its of a friendly nature or something more.

And yes, waiting 7 months for the 3rd round is sad. But we all cant have 15 picks in the first 2 rounds. Be nice.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:17 AM    (permalink
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My honest opinion is you need to chill on this situation for the time being. If she's with another dude ain't nothing you can do but wait it out. You should go hit something else in the meanwhile as well. Help take your mind off this girl for a minute.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:38 AM    (permalink
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And yes, waiting 7 months for the 3rd round is sad. But we all cant have 15 picks in the first 2 rounds. Be nice.
No, not what I meant. Missing your opportunity with a girl you like just to see the draft is sad (you can tape it and just not pay attention to the internet if you have to...). You can't tape a night with friends.

Her being shy makes it more complicated because you have to be really careful not to miss a signal. (Shy works both ways... her flirting with you and her telling you to "back off") However, at some point you have to follow your gut. If you guess right, you win. If you guess wrong, you may ruin your friendship (at worst; at best - you will have an awkward moment).

The odds are that, if she's dating another guy, you should wait. Lots of bad things happen to guys who break up relationships, especially ones where the girl is happy. But if your gut says she wants you, then go for it. Tell her that you think there is something special. Just remember that it won't just be awkward for you if she says no. It'll be awkward for her too.

Am I making this too simple?
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Old 04-12-2010, 01:09 AM    (permalink
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Ha yeah I was only (half) joking about missing the draft. Seriously, Im not a nutjob.

You bring up an interesting point about her shyness going both ways. Duly noted. And, even though it will undoubtedly make her look worse than she is, Ill tell you her boyfriend goes to school in Montana...so theres that. I will go to this thing and I wont exhaust myself this whole week overanalizing it.

But now the hard part: Whatever shall I wear?!
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Old 04-12-2010, 01:21 AM    (permalink
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HLWB, I usually tell most people on here to try and be a little more sensitive and to think like a woman.

That said, I think you need to run in the opposite direction. Relax, stop facebook stalking her, stop overanalyzing little details, don't spend all your time thinking about a girl you haven't dated in years, and go have sex with someone else.

Seriously.
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Old 04-12-2010, 10:47 AM    (permalink
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ugh, can i say I am confused. So, my gf says that she actually cares about me, but the way she talks to me on msn has changed. Not only that, but we live 2 hours away from each other, by transit, and I haven't seen her since the weekend(friday) before this one, and when i asked her if she wanted to do anything she said she has plans. I asked her yesterday if she wanted to do anything on saturday, and she said she has plans on friday and saturday, but will do something on Sunday.

Now, the 2 hour apart part comes into factor, the buses stop running at 10pm and she doesn't wake up till 1-2 in the afternoon. So 8-4= 4 hours of being with her. I told her that, and she said you're such an asshole. But, we finally agreed on that we're going to chill on the friday too, what am I suppose to make up of this? If she doesn't actually care, why would she say things to make me believe she does.
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:23 AM    (permalink
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ugh, can i say I am confused. So, my gf says that she actually cares about me, but the way she talks to me on msn has changed. Not only that, but we live 2 hours away from each other, by transit, and I haven't seen her since the weekend(friday) before this one, and when i asked her if she wanted to do anything she said she has plans. I asked her yesterday if she wanted to do anything on saturday, and she said she has plans on friday and saturday, but will do something on Sunday.

Now, the 2 hour apart part comes into factor, the buses stop running at 10pm and she doesn't wake up till 1-2 in the afternoon. So 8-4= 4 hours of being with her. I told her that, and she said you're such an asshole. But, we finally agreed on that we're going to chill on the friday too, what am I suppose to make up of this? If she doesn't actually care, why would she say things to make me believe she does.
She probably does care, but because she thinks you don't care, she's going to act like she doesn't. Classic woman move.

If she really means a lot to you, go over the top to show her that you do care about her. In this case, words aren't going to cut it. Worst case scenario, she really doesn't, you feel like an ass for a few days, but you get the answer you want.

If she doesn't really mean that much to you, break up with her. Long distance relationships are only worth it if you think she's better than anyone you could be with much closer to you.
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:40 AM    (permalink
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She probably does care, but because she thinks you don't care, she's going to act like she doesn't. Classic woman move.

If she really means a lot to you, go over the top to show her that you do care about her. In this case, words aren't going to cut it. Worst case scenario, she really doesn't, you feel like an ass for a few days, but you get the answer you want.

If she doesn't really mean that much to you, break up with her. Long distance relationships are only worth it if you think she's better than anyone you could be with much closer to you.
I think its her best friend who is feeding her mind with lies; he doesn't like me much, and is trying to break us up. She doesn't really do much to tell him to stop, and he continues talking and she gives me the "he's my best friend" talk.

I've done a lot to actually show her how much i care, but I had this one idea in mind for a while now and I think she must have really wanted me to do it(since I've told her about it.)
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:41 AM    (permalink
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If she doesn't really mean that much to you, break up with her. Long distance relationships are only worth it if you think she's better than anyone you could be with much closer to you.
The underlined is universally true.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:05 PM    (permalink
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I think its her best friend who is feeding her mind with lies; he doesn't like me much, and is trying to break us up. She doesn't really do much to tell him to stop, and he continues talking and she gives me the "he's my best friend" talk.

I've done a lot to actually show her how much i care, but I had this one idea in mind for a while now and I think she must have really wanted me to do it(since I've told her about it.)
If you've told your girlfriend you're going to do something, you have to do it.

It's like someone telling you they bought you a present and never giving it to you.

As per the friend, you only need to convince her, not him. There are always going to be people who don't like you for whatever reason and think it is their business to meddle in your relationships. Again, this is only if you really want to be with this girl. If you're indifferent or uncertain I would say break up with her. It's going to be a lot of work.
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Old 04-12-2010, 01:12 PM    (permalink
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As per the friend, you only need to convince her, not him. There are always going to be people who don't like you for whatever reason and think it is their business to meddle in your relationships. Again, this is only if you really want to be with this girl. If you're indifferent or uncertain I would say break up with her. It's going to be a lot of work.
edit: This only applies if you actively want her. If you are on the fence or tired of the relationship, you should dump her. It's not worth the work to go through it for another month of a dead relationship.

I disagree. This person is important to her. It's not like you are convincing the CEO of Time Warner to like you. This person has a direct meaningful impact on your girlfriends opinions. It would be wise to at least get to an understanding of why he doesn't like you.

It's very possible he wants her and is trashing you because he's jealous. In that case, you need to find some (sneaky) way to show that. Be careful though, like in all espionage if you get caught behind enemy lines then you will be executed.
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Old 04-12-2010, 02:11 PM    (permalink
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Its 99% the case that the friend wants the girl. As we've determined, Im the friend in my current situation...actually...you wouldnt happen to go to school in Montana would you? :)
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Old 04-12-2010, 02:35 PM    (permalink
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It's very possible he wants her and is trashing you because he's jealous. In that case, you need to find some (sneaky) way to show that. Be careful though, like in all espionage if you get caught behind enemy lines then you will be executed.
That will make you look petty and stupid. There will ALWAYS be guys like this, and it's HER friend. I'm assuming this is an adult relationship, and not an episode of Saved by the Bell.

It's like FDR says, you really have nothing to fear but fear itself. Only three things can come from this:

1) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, which you actually are, and you'll lose a relationship you don't deserve anyway.

2) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, which you aren't, and your girlfriend will get defensive towards him, turn to you, and you'll look magnanimous, caring, and trusting. Ultimate win.

3) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, he'll be wrong, she'll believe him anyway and break up with you. In this instance, your girlfriend is also petty and stupid (not to mention easily manipulated) and you'll be better off without her.
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Old 04-12-2010, 02:56 PM    (permalink
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That will make you look petty and stupid. There will ALWAYS be guys like this, and it's HER friend. I'm assuming this is an adult relationship, and not an episode of Saved by the Bell.

It's like FDR says, you really have nothing to fear but fear itself. Only three things can come from this:

1) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, which you actually are, and you'll lose a relationship you don't deserve anyway.

2) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, which you aren't, and your girlfriend will get defensive towards him, turn to you, and you'll look magnanimous, caring, and trusting. Ultimate win.

3) He will point out that he thinks you're a bad boyfriend, he'll be wrong, she'll believe him anyway and break up with you. In this instance, your girlfriend is also petty and stupid (not to mention easily manipulated) and you'll be better off without her.
He's ***; I have nothing to worry about. Out of the three choices, I have to say number 3. He just talks all the **** to me, and its like she never on the defence, but when she thinks i say something negative about him, which i never have, she is quick to defend him. May I also add, they fought with each other twice, and I was the one to get her to start talking to him those two times.

She has changed with the way she talks to me, before we would say stuff and not care, now, its like she has back off with me and doesn't want to spend time with me. I guess I'll see how things go on friday and sunday, if she continues to act this way then its not worth it.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:28 AM    (permalink
Jakey
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Sooo...my ex-gf (we split up just last week) has gone completely insane, and she is blaming all her problems on me. Should i feel bad, blame myself? I am, but i really dont think any of it is my fault :/
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:50 AM    (permalink
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Sooo...my ex-gf (we split up just last week) has gone completely insane, and she is blaming all her problems on me. Should i feel bad, blame myself? I am, but i really dont think any of it is my fault :/
If you have any regrets, then you might have caused some of the problems. But it takes 2 to make a relationship work and only 1 to make things fail, so she may just be blaming you so she doesn't have to take a hard look in the mirror.
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On another note, Nicklas Backstrom is amazingly good.
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Meanwhile, in hockey the other night, the Washington Capitals' Eric Belanger gets hit with a stick, loses EIGHT teeth, has an instant root canal in the locker room, comes back out and PLAYS and never says boo.

So new rule, NBA: Unless you have a root canal at halftime, SHUT UP AND PLAY!
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:54 AM    (permalink
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Well the other day she freaked out and tried to kil herself because i was "flirting" with a girl. That was after we had spit up :|
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:30 PM    (permalink
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Well the other day she freaked out and tried to kil herself because i was "flirting" with a girl. That was after we had spit up :|
she sounds like a crazy *****... looks like you made a good decision.
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:38 PM    (permalink
bearsfan_51
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Did she try and kill herself or did she "try and kill herself"? It's not that hard to kill yourself. Most people that try and fail are desperate for attention. In the words of G.I. Joe. "tell an adult."
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Old 04-13-2010, 12:47 PM    (permalink
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Yeah she is a crazy *****, but she's blaming it all on me, im being mae out to be a monster. And ive got no way t prove her wrong! :@
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Old 04-13-2010, 01:00 PM    (permalink
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Yeah she is a crazy *****, but she's blaming it all on me, im being mae out to be a monster. And ive got no way t prove her wrong! :@
well the question is... did you do anything morally reprehensible? If you can look at your own actions and feel okay with yourself, then nothing matters.

You don't have to explain your actions to anyone as long as you did what you thought was best for you.
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