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Old 08-21-2010, 10:34 AM    (permalink
PackerLegend
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20 years and ive never taking a dump in a single public bathroom. I don't really remember ever having to desperately let loose at any time. Ive taking a leak in many public places.

Pissing outside is the greatest though, it requires no aiming.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:40 AM    (permalink
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RufusMcDaniel View Post
When I'm in school, I follow the same philosophy as Brent. Find the most deserted bathroom and let it rip. I usually took the handicap toilet too, partially because I like the leg room.
I still remember many of my choice spots, too:

-Numerous floors in Harrington Tower
-6th floor of Evans library
-Several of the upper floors at Blocker
-Second floor of the Academic Building (only during summer school)

Good times.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:45 AM    (permalink
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Whose **** in a porta potty? Those are pretty nasty and usually ******* smell so bad.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:46 AM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by PackerLegend View Post
Whose **** in a porta potty? Those are pretty nasty and usually ******* smell so bad.
I've had to on various occasions. They are disgusting.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:47 AM    (permalink
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the Port-a-potty is where I cross the line. I don't even like to piss in them.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:48 AM    (permalink
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I only take a #2 if I am on the verge of exploding in my pants. Although I use to and kinda sorta still clean restrooms at Disney World and I cannot blame people at all for having a fear of public restrooms. Cuz yeah, since I started that, I am afraid to touch anything in the restroom, especially sit on the seats cuz I know all the **** that can be on there.
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:49 AM    (permalink
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I feel like I'm dirty after ******** in a port a potty...
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:50 AM    (permalink
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Pissing or ******** in your pants > Porta Potties.
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Old 08-21-2010, 11:04 AM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by yodapoop View Post
I only take a #2 if I am on the verge of exploding in my pants. Although I use to and kinda sorta still clean restrooms at Disney World and I cannot blame people at all for having a fear of public restrooms. Cuz yeah, since I started that, I am afraid to touch anything in the restroom, especially sit on the seats cuz I know all the **** that can be on there.
I've read countless studies about how people's fear of the crap you can catch from a toilet seat is unfounded, I have read it, I know it and I still cover the seat with about 3 layers of tissue if I have to sit on a public toilet seat.
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Old 08-21-2010, 11:09 AM    (permalink
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I'm pretty selective if I need to go #2. It's not necessarily about cleanliness, though that factors into comfort - which is important. It's more about good TP, and a stall with good privacy. I'll go #1 anywhere.
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Old 08-21-2010, 11:25 AM    (permalink
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Porto Potties are ******* terrible. I won't even walk into one. I'll piss or **** behind one before i ever set foot inside it.

As for public restrooms, my intestines tell me when i have to take a ****, not the other way around. I know what stomach pains i can hold off, and i definitely know the "holy **** you better pull over RIGHT NOW" pain. I avoid gas stations, simply because they're not kept as clean as a restaurant restroom. I do feel weird sometimes when i rush into a place, destroy the toilet, then leave lol.
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Old 08-21-2010, 11:31 AM    (permalink
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On the subject. Ice in a urinal is ******* out of order. Whose idea was that.
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Old 08-21-2010, 12:40 PM    (permalink
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What about latrines? They used to have them at this summer camp. I would go to and I would time things out so I would only have to poop once the whole week because those things are so ******* gross.
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Old 08-21-2010, 12:45 PM    (permalink
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Are you a turd burglar???


----------------

ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK *****
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK ***** include pubes, piss stains and streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK ***** can become a SAFE HAVEN.
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Old 08-21-2010, 12:50 PM    (permalink
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Last year on my dorm floor I ******* hated to **** there. People barging in and out, the place smelling like urine...so I was lucky I was on the ground floor because there was a one-stall public restroom adjacent to the laundry room...I used that all the time to take a ****. I don't avoid public bathrooms really, but taking a **** in peace is big for me.
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Old 08-21-2010, 12:52 PM    (permalink
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I usually take my shits in the handi-cap stall, I always think no one handi cap ever uses this stall anyways. One day i came out and I saw a guy in a wheel chair waiting and I felt like a dick.
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Old 08-21-2010, 12:54 PM    (permalink
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^hahahaha.

I've never seen a handicap person in a public restroom. I too, always use the handicap stall. It's just so roomy.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:01 PM    (permalink
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I usually take my shits in the handi-cap stall, I always think no one handi cap ever uses this stall anyways. One day i came out and I saw a guy in a wheel chair waiting and I felt like a dick.


This Larry David moment was brought to you by Bantx...
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:04 PM    (permalink
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I've gotta take a hangover ****. Gonna be in there a while.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:05 PM    (permalink
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I drink tons of water to keep this sexy figure...so #1's are a must. I'd pass out at work, otherwise. Never to the other. haha.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:06 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by PackerLegend View Post
Whose **** in a porta potty? Those are pretty nasty and usually ******* smell so bad.
I'd rather piss outside. They're so disgusting.

And here, you're liable to get pushed over while in one. Which is hilarious from a far, but I'm sure would probably be no fun, if you were in there.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:16 PM    (permalink
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I don't usually watch Dane Cook but his bit about public restrooms is pretty funny.

I like how he goes "why, when you go in is everyyyyyyyythinggg WET???"

start at 2:55

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Old 08-21-2010, 01:17 PM    (permalink
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I'd ******* kill someone if they tipped over one of those things with me inside.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:20 PM    (permalink
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MetSox17 View Post
I'd ******* kill someone if they tipped over one of those things with me inside.
Yeah I'm with you. Someone would die that day. Then I'd probably cry myself to sleep...the killing weighing on my conscious? No. More to do with the **** I cant get out of my ears. ughhhh. lol.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:49 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by RufusMcDaniel View Post
When I'm in school, I follow the same philosophy as Brent. Find the most deserted bathroom and let it rip. I usually took the handicap toilet too, partially because I like the leg room.
I do the same thing at my college. In some of the buildings there are floors where there is one around. Used to do the same thing in high school. Or went during parts of the day where a lot of students weren't around (hour before school or an hour after if I'm still there). I knew my "safe spots" so to speak.

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Originally Posted by CJSchneider View Post
I absolutely destroy the faculty men's room at school. If I am out in public, I will drop the deuce only if I must. I prefer a bit more privacy then the standard public restroom stall affords.

Funny story: A few months ago, I was at Books-a-million and had no choice but to go their restroom and take the Browns to the Super Bowl. I fouled that place up something awful as I was just getting over a case of the stomach flu. Just as I was walking out some guy is walking in and as I step out the door I can hear this guy say "Good God, wtf happened in here?".
Reminds me of when I was taking a deuce once in one of my school buildings bathrooms and two guys walk in and I can hear one saying "Damn why does it always smell like someone is taking a **** in here?" and his partner says "Well it's because someone is always taking a **** in here". At that point I just happened to have my iPod with me. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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Originally Posted by yodapoop View Post
Pissing or ******** in your pants > Porta Potties.
Word.
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Oh, my bad. Didn't realize SWDC was the pinnacle of class and grace.

Last edited by Ness : 08-21-2010 at 02:10 PM.
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