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Old 12-20-2010, 11:45 AM    (permalink
bsaza2358
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Originally Posted by BuckeyeDan17 View Post
This is the same one. I started treating her a lot better, I mean a hell of a lot better, she even pointed it our herself. Here's the thing, she is awesome to be around, I won't lie, very fun, similar tastes in music, we have a **** ton in common. But I'm still having a hard time getting over my ex I was telling you guys about, we haven't spoken in 2 months and I'm pretty proud of myself for it.

I actually like spending time with her, I just don't want a title, or girls to think I'm not single..

But, I don't want you guys to think I'm a piece of ****.. I didn't know she was wealthy as hell until after getting to know her, that's when the spoil party came to town.

Thanks for not accusing me of being a complete bastard bsaza, I'm starting to feel like it now though. Here's another thing, she keeps telling me she doesn't want a serious relationship, same things as me, wants no pressure, etc.. Yet, I am starting to feel pressure to commit to her. Plus, she got me court-side IU-Ohio State basketball tickets for their big ten opener, how in the hell do I just tell her how I feel about this without breaking her heart dude?
I'm just saying what I see, buddy. That is all based on what you're saying. She is not blameless. She is trying to buy your affection and loyalty, and you can't really buy that. You are allowing her to because let's face it, having companionship is great, and having the perks that come with it are awesome. It is a shame that you're not ready for that kind of relationship.

After dating someone for several months exclusively, she is your gf. Whether you want to call her that or not, it is a serious relationship. You are afraid of letting go of your ex and perhaps letting go of yourself. If you let go and care about her and such, you are then open to be hurt if she leaves you or cheats on you or whatever.

If you are interested in repairing this relationship, you should get into individual counseling. As a college student, there are free or cheap services available to you on campus. Take advantage and talk about your issues. Know that you will never forget about what happens or really stop having your own issues. You just have to figure out a way to cope with them when they crop up.

Example: My gf and I are moving in together. She wanted me to get rid of a tacky, but awesome Monkey Butler statue. I started freaking out about her telling me to ditch it. I took a step back and realized that I had an issue from my ex, who refused to let me put any of my art or anything on the walls because it was her place, not our place. Once I realized it, I was able to stay present and have a mature and rational convo about why I wanted it to stay. She saw my point of view and relented.

You can do this too, but you need to really dig down and realize why you're doing what you're doing. Clearly, you're pushing this girl away, but she seems fun and cool and rich to boot. What in your past is triggering all of this?
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:31 PM    (permalink
BuckeyeDan17
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Probably trust issues, I worry about what other people think too much, etc..

Wow, talking about this kind of sucks because it's making me reflect on my inner problems that only I can see. I'm glad you're just 'calling it like you see it,' that's why I share this with you.

And yeah, I won't open up to her, because frankly, I don't want to. And far as the exclusive thing goes, we aren't. I left a condom in my room and she saw it, got pissed, but didn't yell at me for it and said I wasn't doing anything wrong and thanked me for 'being safe.' I mean come on dude, what in the hell? Most girls would never, and I mean NEVER put up with that, and you know it.

I don't really feel 21 right now. Jesus Christ..
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:39 PM    (permalink
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If you're not willing to open up to her and not willing to commit to her, then you should end it before she leaves. Your wants and needs and expectations are different from hers. You keep her around because she puts up with your crap and allows you to act that way. That is her fault. You are taking advantage by some measures, but you seem to know that that is wrong on your part.

It doesn't seem to me like you're getting anything positive out of this relationship other than the material issues. You are unfulfilled in a lot of ways and not willing to break through your own issues to be with this girl the way she wants. I think you should walk away from her and into some therapy to really discuss your issues with your ex. In the future, you're going to meet a girl you really want to be with and commit to. If you don't address this stuff now, you won't be able to be the man you want to be later.
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:43 PM    (permalink
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I wouldn't call them issues with my ex, I just had a lot of special memories with her, we were together for 2.5 years and it's not like I keep contacting her. Our relationship became very unhealthy and while it was painful to realize, I saw neither of us were happy and told her it was best we finally put things to an end. I mean, we were so close for so long and then poof, nothing. For a while, yeah, I was hoping to get a text from her but now I'm glad she hasn't. I just miss her, just like normal people do when they get out of long term 'ships. Dreaming about her doesn't help either.
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:48 PM    (permalink
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Those are all issues, dude. You have unresolved issues and baggage from your ex that you haven't processed and resolved yet. It is impacting you in your present when it should be in your past. Until you get clear of all of that and really break down why you do what you do, it will haunt you. I was in a relationship for 5+ years with a girl, and a year after we broke up, she started dating one of my friends. I had a breakdown about a year ago and went into therapy and started talking it out. Happened to meet my current gf early in the process, and worked hard to keep my own BS out of how I treated her. I am doing better now because I admitted I had a problem and invested my time, effort, and some money in a solution.
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Old 12-20-2010, 06:33 PM    (permalink
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Me and my girlfriend randomly started talking about a threesome last night. She said she be down and even said some girls names that she'd be interested in having it with. But there would be rules. Like I have a feeling I won't get to even kiss the other girl and I definitely wouldn't be able to have sex with her. My gf definitely wouldn't be down with that. But I think I'm still gonna do it for the sole reason to see my girl make out and mess around with another girl and I'll still get to **** her obviously.

Thoughts on this? Anyone ever done it? Is it normal for her to have "rules?"

p.s. - We'd most likely drink and smoke something, so who knows what might happen after that. Is the any reason I shouldn't do this?
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Old 12-20-2010, 06:45 PM    (permalink
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The only problem I see in that scenario is that I'm not you. And it bothers me greatly.
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Old 12-20-2010, 06:54 PM    (permalink
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My girlfriend said she would have a threesome if it's with Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba or Shakira. Like Scrubs said you can never give a guy that window.
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Old 12-21-2010, 10:16 AM    (permalink
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Me and my girlfriend randomly started talking about a threesome last night. She said she be down and even said some girls names that she'd be interested in having it with. But there would be rules. Like I have a feeling I won't get to even kiss the other girl and I definitely wouldn't be able to have sex with her. My gf definitely wouldn't be down with that. But I think I'm still gonna do it for the sole reason to see my girl make out and mess around with another girl and I'll still get to **** her obviously.

Thoughts on this? Anyone ever done it? Is it normal for her to have "rules?"

p.s. - We'd most likely drink and smoke something, so who knows what might happen after that. Is the any reason I shouldn't do this?
lucky son of a *****.
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Old 12-21-2010, 02:33 PM    (permalink
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Thoughts on this? Anyone ever done it? Is it normal for her to have "rules?"

p.s. - We'd most likely drink and smoke something, so who knows what might happen after that. Is the any reason I shouldn't do this?
Yes, very normal. No kissing is usually #1. Protection at all times was #2. Her watching me **** some chick was part of the thing for us, so that seems a bit strange to me but whatever works.

The most glaring reason not to do it is if you really like this chick. If it's just a casual girlfriend, knock it out. If it's a potential long term thing, probably not a good idea. She could easily get pissed off about it and not say a word until 6 months later. Or demand a man-man-woman threesome in exchange (after the fact, of course.)

Watching is fun. Getting a BJ from two chicks at once is ******* fantastic. Sex isn't really anything special, unless you get creative with it.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:01 AM    (permalink
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Yes, very normal. No kissing is usually #1. Protection at all times was #2. Her watching me **** some chick was part of the thing for us, so that seems a bit strange to me but whatever works.

The most glaring reason not to do it is if you really like this chick. If it's just a casual girlfriend, knock it out. If it's a potential long term thing, probably not a good idea. She could easily get pissed off about it and not say a word until 6 months later. Or demand a man-man-woman threesome in exchange (after the fact, of course.)

Watching is fun. Getting a BJ from two chicks at once is ******* fantastic. Sex isn't really anything special, unless you get creative with it.
The thing is, it is a potential long term relationship. But I'd make sure not to **** up when it happened, I'd have to abide by all the rules. Its definitely a fantasy for me, but halfway fulfilling it is somewhat successful.
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:57 AM    (permalink
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Two girls that I was really interested in now have boyfriends. I need a hug. :(
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:14 PM    (permalink
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Two girls that I was really interested in now have boyfriends. I need a hug. :(
*e-handshake/half hug*



On a brighter note, i got laid last night and i was shithoused.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:16 PM    (permalink
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Two girls that I was really interested in now have boyfriends. I need a hug. :(
If you were interested and didn't make a move, it's kind of your own fault. Be more proactive, and the results should come over time.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:25 PM    (permalink
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If you were interested and didn't make a move, it's kind of your own fault. Be more proactive, and the results should come over time.
I did. I kept asking both when we gonna wanna hang out but always were busy or work get in the way. One told me she has been struggling to let go of this one guy who broke up with her a long time ago. I told her I was even interested in her few weeks back then she said her heart has belonged to this one guy for a long time. Then the other day I asked her how she is doing and all that junk then she said that she has moved on from that other guy and has a new man. Who is her best friend she said. Told me he was always there for her. But yet the past few weeks I was the one who she went to with her problems and just needed to vent about her ex. She never gave me a chance. And yet she gave her best friend guy a chance. WTF
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:28 PM    (permalink
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She just wasn't interested in you man.. You did what you could, but it's pretty obvious that she had already put you in the friend-zone and you weren't coming out.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:31 PM    (permalink
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She just wasn't interested in you man.. You did what you could, but it's pretty obvious that she had already put you in the friend-zone and you weren't coming out.
The other guy was in the friend-zone but that didnt stop her from being interested. I just about had enough of this **** and about to crack.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:32 PM    (permalink
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The other guy was in the friend-zone but that didnt stop her from being interested.
No, he wasn't. He may have been just a friend at the time, but make no mistake about it, he was not in the friend-zone.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:36 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by MetSox17 View Post
No, he wasn't. He may have been just a friend at the time, but make no mistake about it, he was not in the friend-zone.
Well I'm still goddamn pissed she didnt even bother to give me a chance to even hang out after she made it seem like we would soon.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:36 PM    (permalink
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As soon as she starts talking about relationship, you have to put yourself out there before you fall in too deep.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:57 PM    (permalink
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I did. I kept asking both when we gonna wanna hang out but always were busy or work get in the way. One told me she has been struggling to let go of this one guy who broke up with her a long time ago. I told her I was even interested in her few weeks back then she said her heart has belonged to this one guy for a long time. Then the other day I asked her how she is doing and all that junk then she said that she has moved on from that other guy and has a new man. Who is her best friend she said. Told me he was always there for her. But yet the past few weeks I was the one who she went to with her problems and just needed to vent about her ex. She never gave me a chance. And yet she gave her best friend guy a chance. WTF
Listen, dude... Just because you asked her out and she said no, it doesn't mean you're entitled to a shot. You took your shot. If either girl was was interested, you would have been out with them. When they start making excuses, that is their way of letting you down easy. Fact is, neither was into you. It sucks. You feel led on. You probably built it all up in your head and created a situation where you weren't living in reality.

Look at it this way: you didn't waste any more time/money on them. They are another guy's problem now. You are now free to move on to the next girl or girls.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:28 PM    (permalink
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seriously, you went the wrong route there. if she keeps avoiding you just exit stage left. if you have to jump through hoops to get one date with her, chances are she's power/attention hungry and you're screwed if you ever did get in there. You really have a set period of time in the mutual information gathering stage to make your intentions clear and make a move. If you don't, you are going to end up friend-zoned more often than not.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:31 PM    (permalink
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To piggy back on Jballa, if she wants to spend time with you, no work, school, or other conflicts are going to get in the way. She will move things around to make time for you. If this isn't happening, you don't have an in. Move on.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:43 PM    (permalink
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Is it bad I told a woman I work with, who is into me, that I like to suck dick all the time and I'm *** just so show doesn't continue to have interest in me. I hope she doesn't tell the hot girl at work that I am in to what I told her.
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:52 PM    (permalink
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Is it bad? Not really. Could it be bad for you with the other woman? Possibly. I would imagine that if it got around that you weren't straight, the hot one would try to "flip" you. haha
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