Relationship Advice Thread

[MetSox17]

When **** like that happens you should just let them stew in their jealousy. At the end of the day, she clears her mind (when you tell her that girl is no one), and you get nothing out of it.

[Forenci]

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

think i fixed it. i know about the concert, but i really am a pushover, i dont check her phone and im trying to be as trusting as possible. But seriously, if anything happens between them yeah i am out.

btw the ex legitimately said he didn't want to be with her, and he's being a little girl about it from what i hear by trying to make her feel guilty and saying **** like "hows your new boyfriend?". Im not going to guilt her, i am not going to pressure her, i am not making her choices for her.

Edit: basically my plan is this, let it go its course, if anything happens with them this weekend i am out permanently.

I mean, I wouldn't be a push over about it. And I wouldn't check her phone or anything. My feeling is this: If you can't trust somebody, then the relationship isn't worth your time. Without trust many other issues will arise down the road. A wait and see approach isn't bad, but if she's trying to claim the only reason she's going is because she feels guilted by him that is a terrible reason and a likely excuse. If she didn't want to go she could easily say no.

Originally Posted by SickwithIt1010

I got into a fight with my last girlfriend about that. We had been dating over a year and she had dated a kid I knew before me for a while and he started texting her saying that they should get together for lunch to catch up and what not, she asked me about it and how I felt about it and I flipped the **** out...you dont hang out with an ex boyfriend if you're in a relationship...that **** would NOT go over well.

Well, I'm not THAT crazy about it. If you get the occasional text from an ex, that's one thing. I'm pretty laid back and understanding so I don't really flip my lid because in this day and age (damn I sound old) many people don't cut off contact completely with their ex's. That said, it's totally not cool to text them a bunch or hang out with them.

Fortunately my current girl friend is quite awesome and feels the same way. I'm also somebody who tends to get along better with girls, but I would certainly never hang out with another girl one-on-one unless it was for something required (i.e. work, school, etc). While I would never stop my girl friend from hanging out with the opposite sex, I think it's more of a respect thing. Fortunately she doesn't have any guy friends anyway, except ones that are *** haha.

[MetSox17]

I didn't catch that part, but yeah, if she's saying that the only reason she's going is because she feels guilted into it, it's ********.

[BaLLiN]

Originally Posted by MetSox17

I didn't catch that part, but yeah, if she's saying that the only reason she's going is because she feels guilted into it, it's ********.

Originally Posted by Forenci

I mean, I wouldn't be a push over about it. And I wouldn't check her phone or anything. My feeling is this: If you can't trust somebody, then the relationship isn't worth your time. Without trust many other issues will arise down the road. A wait and see approach isn't bad, but if she's trying to claim the only reason she's going is because she feels guilted by him that is a terrible reason and a likely excuse. If she didn't want to go she could easily say no.

No she didnt say that was the reason, she actually likes this band and has been to their concert previously. But that still doesn't change the fact that its with him.

[draftguru151]

If it was just a guy she went out with for a bit that would be one thing, but it was a long term relationship and she obviously still has feelings for him. If the dude is fine with going to a concert with her he's probably trying to bust a move. Pretty ****** up of her to go.

Ask her if she wants you to go to the concert (even if you can't go, make it seem like you attempted to). Might be worth it just to see how she responds.

[Rob S]

Ballin, just tell her that you don't feel comfortable with it and if she really likes you/wants to be with you now that she shouldn't go. If she can't do that for you, she isn't worth it. You guys complicate things too much...yeah, your heart gets in the way of clarity sometimes, but she's ******* going on a date with an ex that she still has feelings for.......this isn't what we call a tough situation to figure out.

[Forenci]

Originally Posted by Rob S

Ballin, just tell her that you don't feel comfortable with it and if she really likes you/wants to be with you now that she shouldn't go. If she can't do that for you, she isn't worth it. You guys complicate things too much...yeah, your heart gets in the way of clarity sometimes, but she's ******* going on a date with an ex that she still has feelings for.......this isn't what we call a tough situation to figure out.

Very true. I thought he was implying the reason she was going was because she was being guilted but no matter the reason going on it sounds like a date. I feel bad for saying it, because I'm never someone who believes in controlling anothers actions, but it really is just a matter of respect. Just like she wouldn't want him hanging out with other girls or an ex, more than likely.

Originally Posted by draftguru151

If it was just a guy she went out with for a bit that would be one thing, but it was a long term relationship and she obviously still has feelings for him. If the dude is fine with going to a concert with her he's probably trying to bust a move. Pretty ****** up of her to go.

Ask her if she wants you to go to the concert (even if you can't go, make it seem like you attempted to). Might be worth it just to see how she responds.

Agreed. Seems pretty messed up to me. It's mainly a respect thing. You don't hang out with your ex. That's just not cool in any way shape or form. Especially not in a setting like a concert, which is date 101 material.

[Rob S]

It's the fact that, from what he is saying, it's going to be one on one. If they had a common group of friends and a group was going to the concert then it's whatever and nothing to get worked up over. But, sorry.....if you hang out with an ex that you still have feelings for one-on-one at a concert none the less, that just doesn't work for me.

[georgiafan]

Originally Posted by Da-Phins

LOL this is hilarious. Apparently my ex(she dumped me few months ago) was looking at my facebook and saw that I just recently accepted a friend request from a girl. Now this girl lives around here but she was born at another state and I've known her for a while but nothing going on. Well, my ex texted me asking me who this girl was and how do I know her since she was from another state. I guess she missed the part or couldnt see that she lives around here now but whatever. The texting went on and I explained to her about it all and she said oh i thought it was a new GF. And stuff like IDC was just wondering.

So she said she doesnt care and wasnt jealous, but yet she had to text me to ask who it was and how it was "weird" that we was FB friends before I explained to her about it. Women are so strange....Dont get why they like to play games.

After commenting on this last night I just had a similar story happen. Me and my ex broke up but still hang out several times a week and suppose to go eat lunch today. I posted a pics of my UGA man cave on facebook last week which she commented on. Today another ex girlfriend comments on them. My last ex just texts me saying how she was deleting her comments from facebook and then did it. What the crap dang jelious people?

[killxswitch]

Women, even good ones, are clueless sometimes. When my wife and I were dating she accidentally went on a date with a guy that I knew liked her. She thought they were just friends hanging out. I knew I had nothing to worry about and that when nothing happened the guy would probably get the hint. We still run into him very occasionally and he still acts butthurt about it which I find hilarious considering it was years ago. He's still single btw.

That said, my adorably oblivious wife had no romantic relationship to the guy previously. This case is much different. She was in a relationship, then got out of it, and now is going on a date with him. She can't play the "I didn't know it was a date" card. It is a date. It is a romantic activity between two people romantically interested in each other.

Some of your post is confusing. Are you guys in a relationship or not? Because it seems like you both are and aren't. If you aren't, then you don't really have any reason to be annoyed with her for going to the concert with him. You have no claim on her. If you are, then your complaint is legit and this is a problem.

What really seems to be happening though is that you thought it was "pretty much" a relationship without formalizing anything, and were treating it like a relationship. And she has not committed to it like you have. She's undecided. There's a disparity in your viewpoints and I'd say solve that, one way or another, before doing anything more with this girl. She needs to make up her mind and you shouldn't wait around on a hook while she figures her **** out.

[draftguru151]

What band is it?

[BaLLiN]

You guys are the best, thank you for responding. As far as whether it is a relationship, it is. She even said we were like boyfriend and girlfriend without the title. She is struggling, and I can tell she feels guilty because I am not investing much effort into us anymore. She slept in my room this morning as I said she wanted to do yesterday, and I put my back to her partly to honor her request to slow it down, but also because i knew she would try to be cute with me and she moved closer to me and started to wiggle her toes on me.

I went in the shower and came out and took off the towel and got dressed, and i caught her taking peeks at me. Then i left w/ her in the room, we talked a little, but i just went to class. I came back to find a note
"Thanks Again(underlined) for letting me sleep. youre too good to me. Also, sorry for sucking as a person lately. I'm tryin but this is whats best for me now. Anyway, figured youd like a little note...maybe! -(her name and a smiley)".

Forenci, Rob S, and Draftguru I think I am going to just tell her I don't want her to go with him (its a Timeflies concert). I didn't ask if it was in a group or not.

[Forenci]

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

You guys are the best, thank you for responding. As far as whether it is a relationship, it is. She even said we were like boyfriend and girlfriend without the title. She is struggling, and I can tell she feels guilty because I am not investing much effort into us anymore. She slept in my room this morning as I said she wanted to do yesterday, and I put my back to her partly to honor her request to slow it down, but also because i knew she would try to be cute with me and she moved closer to me and started to wiggle her toes on me.

I went in the shower and came out and took off the towel and got dressed, and i caught her taking peeks at me. Then i left w/ her in the room, we talked a little, but i just went to class. I came back to find a note
"Thanks Again(underlined) for letting me sleep. youre too good to me. Also, sorry for sucking as a person lately. I'm tryin but this is whats best for me now. Anyway, figured youd like a little note...maybe! -(her name and a smiley)".

Forenci, Rob S, and Draftguru I think I am going to just tell her I don't want her to go with him (its a Timeflies concert). I didn't ask if it was in a group or not.

I would indeed bring it up. Just don't sound too controlling because that is off putting. Just talk about how you aren't comfortable and how she would feel if you went to dinner and hung out with an ex or something.

[draftguru151]

If you talk to her about the concert make sure the focus is on not trusting her ex and that's why you have a problem, so it doesn't seem like you don't trust her.

[MetSox17]

You should probably ask who else is going, first.

[BaLLiN]

Originally Posted by Forenci

I would indeed bring it up. Just don't sound too controlling because that is off putting. Just talk about how you aren't comfortable and how she would feel if you went to dinner and hung out with an ex or something.

Originally Posted by draftguru151

If you talk to her about the concert make sure the focus is on not trusting her ex and that's why you have a problem, so it doesn't seem like you don't trust her.

Im not gunna even mention trust, all I am going to say is that i realize she still has feelings for him, but going to that concert with him signifies her not making an effort to get over him, and quite frankly I am not ok with being disrespected and mislead.

[BaLLiN]

Originally Posted by MetSox17

You should probably ask who else is going, first.

yeah, i am going to do that right before. Also guys, this relationship was substantial, having sex over 10 times, meeting family, spending a lot of time together...its not like it makes sense that now she would start breaking down over her past relationship.

I know she didn't like i tried to control her actions (making her go to class, take care of herself and go to a doctor, not drink to much, etc.) and im sure there are other things i annoyed her with. But unless im completely oblivious, the overall consensus of what she told me, what her friends told me, and what her family acted like toward me, makes me feel like this relationship was very good; it just scared her i feel because he is still in her mind due to his manipulative texting.

[BaLLiN]

what doesn't make sense to me is why she said theres an open bar, yet he's under 21...

Edit:
and the concert is not in philly, its just in a cafe which is right near campus. Yeah im starting to think its either a group or hes not going at all and shes trying to make me jealous

[BaLLiN]

wow yeah shes not going to that concert with him, shes going to one in february with him.

[killxswitch]

February? I know you like her but she seems kind of dumb. Or maybe just really, really oblivious. Either way I would tell her to figure out what the hell she wants, and just ignore her until she can actually decide.

[CashmoneyDrew]

This girl that I worked with and dated this past summer left in August so we went our separate ways and haven't really talked at all since then. Now she's coming back and I have to work with her all day on Saturday. Awkward much?

[b316]

Originally Posted by CashmoneyDrew

This girl that I worked with and dated this past summer left in August so we went our separate ways and haven't really talked at all since then. Now she's coming back and I have to work with her all day on Saturday. Awkward much?

no. bang her. come back sexy time.

[njx9]

Originally Posted by killxswitch

February? I know you like her but she seems kind of dumb. Or maybe just really, really oblivious. Either way I would tell her to figure out what the hell she wants, and just ignore her until she can actually decide.

or just be done with a girl who's obviously worthless.

[BaLLiN]

Originally Posted by killxswitch

February? I know you like her but she seems kind of dumb. Or maybe just really, really oblivious. Either way I would tell her to figure out what the hell she wants, and just ignore her until she can actually decide.

yeah i dont really get it, coulda sworn she said philly with him, but i know the concert is not in philly and she said shes going with her friend whos obsessed with timeflies so idk where i got any of my info from.

i am clearly just thinking to much and driving myself crazy.

Originally Posted by njx9

or just be done with a girl who's obviously worthless.

-_______-

[njx9]

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

-_______-

she's jerking you around, one way or another. why put up with it? any girl who necessitates more than 2-3 posts in this thread is just not worth continuing to date.