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Old 12-20-2012, 11:18 AM    (permalink
RCAChainGang
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That really sucks BaLLiN, but yeah I'm with these guys -- move on. Much easier said than done I know. Hell, I think I'm always in the move on stage of life. I need help.
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Old 12-20-2012, 11:41 AM    (permalink
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You don't have to move on, but you seem to have really fallen for this girl, so having a purely sexual relationship with this trifflin skank seems unlikely, which at this point is all she's good for.
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Old 12-20-2012, 12:35 PM    (permalink
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Quit being a v&gina and drop her. She had sex with another guy when drunk. Skank.
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Old 12-20-2012, 12:45 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by BamaFalcon59 View Post
Quit being a v&gina and drop her. She had sex with another guy when drunk. Skank.
Seriously. Ballin, just try to be objective for a second. Think of it as if one of us were asking you for advice, and gave you the following facts.

- This girl is openly still into her ex
- She knows I want a relationship but refuses to commit to one
- But she took me to meet her family
- She got drunk and had sex with some other guy (not even her ex, just some guy)

We see this all the time on this forum. You are being a sucker. You are being played. You have feelings for her, and those are understandable. I'm sure she has some redeeming qualities, and she has sex with you, so I get not wanting to move on from her. But you are not on equal footing with her. She is using you for some needs she has (both physical and emotional from what you've said) but going to other guys for other needs/wants and is actively denying you what you want most, which is a committed relationship with her.

Things like taking you to meet her family and making you feel like you kinda sorta are in a relationship are likely things she concedes so she can keep you around for what she wants. But she clearly is not committed to you and even if she pays lip service to your desire for a committed, monogamous relationship, you cannot trust her to keep such a commitment.

I feel like I am wasting my time, because you are going to do whatever you want. But if you stay with her (not that you are really with her) you are being a doormat and a sucker and letting her take advantage of you. Value yourself more than that.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:08 PM    (permalink
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Thank you guys, I can feel myself getting stronger
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:11 PM    (permalink
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Thank you guys, I can feel myself getting stronger
You know MOTH don't you? Well you don't want to be like him. Walk away before you get hurt some more.
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:33 PM    (permalink
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Ballin, she's using you as the emotional outlet she isn't getting from the ex she actually likes, and she's banging dudes on the side to get her physical needs met. When she said "it's okay for you to see other people" what she's really saying is "please, go see other people so i don't feel guilty about getting railed by random guys i want". You need to bounce. You clearly have serious feelings for the girl and she doesn't, there's no need to put yourself through more stress. You got a lemon, it's time to cut your losses.
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:42 PM    (permalink
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Ballin, she's using you as the emotional outlet she isn't getting from the ex she actually likes, and she's banging dudes on the side to get her physical needs met. When she said "it's okay for you to see other people" what she's really saying is "please, go see other people so i don't feel guilty about getting railed by random guys i want". You need to bounce. You clearly have serious feelings for the girl and she doesn't, there's no need to put yourself through more stress. You got a lemon, it's time to cut your losses.
Great advice here. Heed it.

Too many people are putting the ***** on a pedestal.
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Old 12-20-2012, 05:35 PM    (permalink
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Ballin, she's using you as the emotional outlet she isn't getting from the ex she actually likes, and she's banging dudes on the side to get her physical needs met. When she said "it's okay for you to see other people" what she's really saying is "please, go see other people so i don't feel guilty about getting railed by random guys i want". You need to bounce. You clearly have serious feelings for the girl and she doesn't, there's no need to put yourself through more stress. You got a lemon, it's time to cut your losses.
Ballin, you are still young enough for The Ladder Theory to still work with women. Look it up.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:27 PM    (permalink
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She kept texting me, kept calling me. I answered the call and proceeded to make her know that I do not want her in my life.

I told her to take out a piece of paper and write two columns:

Girl 1:
- Still likes her ex, not taking steps to get over him
- Knows I want a relationship but refuses to commit to one
- took me to meet her family despite not wanting a relationship
- Had sex with someone else and doesn't think its a mistake
- Wants what she can't have
- Uses me as an emotional outlet, rather than a relationship on its own
- makes me happy occasionally, but can make me very happy
- is attractive

Girl 2:
- talks to me and makes sure I am ok
- wants to spend time with me
- openly wants a relationship with me
- doesn't make me feel upset, but doesn't make me feel as happy
- hasn't hurt me
- is attractive

I told her I am not here to hear her talk about her ex, I am not here to be waiting while she has sex with other people. I liked her and wanted a relationship. Asked for a definitive answer on what she wants and she said she wants to be with me. Idk if its genuine but she was really upset and she talked to her sister, brother, mother, friends, and her dad about it and her sister told her she was stupid.

I asked her about why she had sex and she said it just happened. She laughed when I said that she had an emotional attachment to the guy. That whole thing is messed up.

She asked me why I didn't go with the other girl, I told her If I was smart I would, but I told her that I liked her more than that girl when she allowed us to happen and when she did it was easy.

Honestly, I am at the point where I am leaning toward nothing. She asked me if I'd be her friend and I said no. She asked me would I have if we dated officially, and I said it was different because that mean she wouldve tried, but It would likely not happen.

But my cousins told me that cheating is dumb, and said that she could have been testing out to see if she really liked me. thats ****** up, but possible.

I let her know I am on the edge of being gone, and she told me that she cared about me obviously because it was hard for her to tell me, she spent time trying to say she was sorry, and is really upset.

Edit:

Also said that I described her as a monster, and a *****, and that she sucks. And I said yes lol.

Im gunna say that if she likes me as much as she claims, she has to prove it.

And for clarification, this is the only time she has had sex with/kissed/anything with anyone since we have been together
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:34 PM    (permalink
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Of course she's upset. You just took charge and seized the power in whatever you two have going on. Classic "my dick is a rocketship" move. The advice still stands, run away as fast as you can.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:36 PM    (permalink
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Of course she's upset. You just took charge and seized the power in whatever you two have going on. Classic "my dick is a rocketship" move. The advice still stands, run away as fast as you can.
im gunna let it play out, one foot out the door.

Edit: she also said she was sober and it was with a friend, whom she has no emotional attachment to and that he knows it is nothing. Said that people saying they are drunk is a stupid excuse to not wanting to own up to it.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:38 PM    (permalink
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I don't get "letting it play out". What is there to play out? If you weren't head over heels for her, I'd recommend that for sure, but all you're doing is setting yourself up for hurt when you inevitably start boning again and she cheats for the second time.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:39 PM    (permalink
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The more you "let it play out", the more chance she has of crawling back into your life. Get out of their quick before she convinces you that she isn't a *****. She is.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:42 PM    (permalink
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I don't get "letting it play out". What is there to play out? If you weren't head over heels for her, I'd recommend that for sure, but all you're doing is setting yourself up for hurt when you inevitably start boning again and she cheats for the second time.
idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:43 PM    (permalink
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The more you "let it play out", the more chance she has of crawling back into your life. Get out of their quick before she convinces you that she isn't a *****. She is.
I know she is, but I know she can also not be. Trust me, I know my emotions well enough to know that the change in feeling for her is enough to allow myself to keep the door open.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:43 PM    (permalink
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idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.
no, no, no, no, no.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:46 PM    (permalink
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no, no, no, no, no.
if she does, she knows im gone for good.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:52 PM    (permalink
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And for clarification, this is the only time she has had sex with/kissed/anything with anyone since we have been together
Yeah, i'm gonna go ahead an call horseshit here.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:53 PM    (permalink
vidae
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if she does, she knows im gone for good.
It's ultimately up to you, but you're allowing yourself to be used for someone who just doesn't give a **** about you.

If that's what you want, more power to you, but one day you're going to realize that you're worth more than that and wonder what the **** you've been doing to yourself.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:56 PM    (permalink
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idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.
Need to see her picture in order to help you decide what to do. :)
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:57 PM    (permalink
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Yeah, i'm gonna go ahead an call horseshit here.
I'm going to agree with this. You don't typically go from someone who doesn't even kiss anyone else to someone who just randomly decides to rail their friend who you have no emotional attachment to.

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Need to see her picture in order to help you decide what to do. :)
I'm also going to agree with this.
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:00 PM    (permalink
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I'm going to agree with this. You don't typically go from someone who doesn't even kiss anyone else to someone who just randomly decides to rail their friend who you have no emotional attachment to.
Not only that, but 1, she's already established that she doesn't need any emotional connection with a person to have sex with them (thus widening the dick pool available to her), and 2, she doesn't feel guilt and or repentance. That's a really bad combination if you're the guy stuck with feelings. Perfect ingredients for a *****-martini.
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:05 PM    (permalink
pierce2walker
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Not only that, but 1, she's already established that she doesn't need any emotional connection with a person to have sex with them (thus widening the dick pool available to her), and 2, she doesn't feel guilt and or repentance. That's a really bad combination if you're the guy stuck with feelings. Perfect ingredients for a *****-martini.
aka she's a hoe...for sho
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:13 PM    (permalink
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so if she really didnt do anything with anyone except for this since we were together?
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