Relationship Advice Thread - Page 366

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob S

I don't get "letting it play out". What is there to play out? If you weren't head over heels for her, I'd recommend that for sure, but all you're doing is setting yourself up for hurt when you inevitably start boning again and she cheats for the second time.

idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperPacker

The more you "let it play out", the more chance she has of crawling back into your life. Get out of their quick before she convinces you that she isn't a *****. She is.

I know she is, but I know she can also not be. Trust me, I know my emotions well enough to know that the change in feeling for her is enough to allow myself to keep the door open.

SuperPacker · 12-20-2012, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.

no, no, no, no, no.

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperPacker

no, no, no, no, no.

if she does, she knows im gone for good.

MetSox17 · 12-20-2012, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

And for clarification, this is the only time she has had sex with/kissed/anything with anyone since we have been together

Yeah, i'm gonna go ahead an call horseshit here.

vidae · 12-20-2012, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

if she does, she knows im gone for good.

It's ultimately up to you, but you're allowing yourself to be used for someone who just doesn't give a **** about you.

If that's what you want, more power to you, but one day you're going to realize that you're worth more than that and wonder what the **** you've been doing to yourself.

D-Unit · 12-20-2012, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

idc, i dont feel nearly as strongly for her anymore. I feel like it is worth it because I don't feel like she will do it again. Yeah i know "they do it once, they can do it again" but I am stubborn and she has not been like that ever before from what I know about her from myself and her friends.

Need to see her picture in order to help you decide what to do. :)

pierce2walker · 12-20-2012, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetSox17

Yeah, i'm gonna go ahead an call horseshit here.

I'm going to agree with this. You don't typically go from someone who doesn't even kiss anyone else to someone who just randomly decides to rail their friend who you have no emotional attachment to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Unit

Need to see her picture in order to help you decide what to do. :)

I'm also going to agree with this.

MetSox17 · 12-20-2012, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pierce2walker

I'm going to agree with this. You don't typically go from someone who doesn't even kiss anyone else to someone who just randomly decides to rail their friend who you have no emotional attachment to.

Not only that, but 1, she's already established that she doesn't need any emotional connection with a person to have sex with them (thus widening the dick pool available to her), and 2, she doesn't feel guilt and or repentance. That's a really bad combination if you're the guy stuck with feelings. Perfect ingredients for a *****-martini.

pierce2walker · 12-20-2012, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetSox17

Not only that, but 1, she's already established that she doesn't need any emotional connection with a person to have sex with them (thus widening the dick pool available to her), and 2, she doesn't feel guilt and or repentance. That's a really bad combination if you're the guy stuck with feelings. Perfect ingredients for a *****-martini.

aka she's a hoe...for sho

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 08:13 PM

so if she really didnt do anything with anyone except for this since we were together?

vidae · 12-20-2012, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

so if she really didnt do anything with anyone except for this since we were together?

Who cares? She did it once, she'll do it again. And she obviously doesn't care if it hurt you.

I've been with someone who cheated before. I know exactly what you're going through. You. Are. Worth. More. Than. This. But we can't make you believe that, you're going to get hurt again and again and eventually you'll realize we were right.

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 08:23 PM

Ok so in any circumstance, would it be ok for me to be ok with her?

My cousin had her husband cheat on her, and now theyre back together for a few years without anything.

My aunt cheated on my uncle early on in their marriage, and they have been married for 40 years.

We weren't even officially dating. I understand that it is not a good omen, but I also understand its not a tell-tale sign.

D-Unit · 12-20-2012, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

Ok so in any circumstance, would it be ok for me to be ok with her?

My cousin had her husband cheat on her, and now theyre back together for a few years without anything.

My aunt cheated on my uncle early on in their marriage, and they have been married for 40 years.

We weren't even officially dating. I understand that it is not a good omen, but I also understand its not a tell-tale sign.

Still waiting for the picture of her...

MetSox17 · 12-20-2012, 08:26 PM

Do what you want. I'll neg rep your ass if you post in this thread later whining about how she banged another dude again.

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetSox17

Do what you want. I'll neg rep your ass if you post in this thread later whining about how she banged another dude again.

because rep on a freaking message board site is what i care about...

Rob S · 12-20-2012, 08:28 PM

It's not just the cheating. I get that maybe people can **** up. I'd personally never go back to a cheater, but I know people that have and somehow have had it work out. It's the combination of everything. She just isn't that into you. She still likes her ex, refuses to commit to you and got railed by someone else.

vidae · 12-20-2012, 08:29 PM

BaLLiN, she will **** another guy down the road and not care about you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Always.

MetSox17 · 12-20-2012, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

because rep on a freaking message board site is what i care about...

It would just be as much of a "**** you" as i could possibly give over the internet to someone too stupid and dense to realize that he's being played like an idiot, yet complains about it on that same freaking message board site.

Rosebud · 12-20-2012, 08:39 PM

Maybe he means he's going to guilt her into all of the kinkiest sex he wants to try out? Cause that's about the only reasonable meaning of "let it play out"

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetSox17

Yeah, i'm gonna go ahead an call horseshit here.

But she and her friends said so!...poor ballin...

EDIT: Look once a cheater always a cheater is oversimplifying things, but like others have said she's not just someone who made a mistake, she's someone who still cares about some douche who doesn't want her than she does about you, she's not into you enough to commit, and she wanted to bone some other guy and thus gave you the it's ok if you see other people spiel. This girl is not good for you if you have any feelings for her beyond just wanting to bone her every way you can think of, which you clearly do.

killxswitch · 12-20-2012, 10:36 PM

Ballin. You were so close dude. And you mean to tell me there's this other girl just waiting in the wings for you? And you find her attractive?

Dude. You made an objective list. It was all truth. How are you not seeing this?

And so she wasn't actually drunk?? She was fully aware of what she was doing, fully aware that you wanted a committed relationship, and just did it anyway? THAT IS WORSE THAN A DRUNK HOOKUP! Getting drunk and banging a random guy is bad enough and a deal breaker. Intentionally having sex with "a friend" while stone sober, while stringing you along, after taking you to see family, is borderline sociopathic. She did it, and thinks it was fine. Massive football-field-sized red flag here.

Listen to what you are doing. You are trying to convince yourself, before you are really even in a relationship with her, that cheating isn't THAT bad. Do you really think this is a healthy way to begin a relationship?

First of all, your examples aren't comparable. You referenced legally married people. The consequences of a divorce are immense compared to breaking off an almost-relationship in college. Those circumstances are enough for both parties to work hard at reconciling. This chick has no real reason to work hard. She doesn't even think she did anything wrong! Why do you think she went to talk to all those people? It was to affirm to herself that what she did isn't that bad.

To hit another angle, think about the science of attraction for a minute. You are in the part of a relationship where your brain is releasing obsession hormones. This is legit, google it. It usually lasts from 6 months to 2 years if I remember right, and it is why you feel infatuated with a person early on in a relationship. It is probably the reason you are ignoring your own rationality. It's understandable, I've been there. Eventually these hormones fade and that is probably a big reason why people cheat and marriages end. People want to get back to that emotional state. It feels good and people miss it.

But here is the problem, bro. Anyone in that state is not going to be vocally hung up on their ex. Anyone in that state is not going to have unemotional sex with a guy when you, the supposed object of her affection, are readily available for MEANINGFUL sex. She's not in the same place you are man. She's just not. She likes you, you make her feel good. But it's shallow. She likes what you do for her, she doesn't like you for you and care about you. You are not on equal footing with her in this. Again, does that sound like a healthy way to start a relationship? With you shaming her into a relationship with you?

You can't even look at it as cheating, because in her mind it wasn't cheating. That is what is so horrible. Her complete disregard for you in this situation, and in the ex situation too. Her actions, regardless of how much she has or hasn't slept around in the past, are not consistent with those of a person that cares about you.

As I and others have said, you are ultimately going to do what you want. But there is a reason you are coming here to talk to people about it. A small part of you knows you are being mistreated. I think deep down you know you're getting played, you don't like it, but you are struggling to let go.

I get that. I've been a sucker before. I've been cheated on. I learned the hard way that it sucks to feel a certain way and put effort and time and heart into a girl and finally realize she just doesn't return the sentiment. But I guarantee you, it is not the end of the world. Actually you have someone that IS into you, which puts you ahead of most guys in this situation.

Be a pioneer and actually take the advice being offered here. Don't be a sucker. Value yourself. If you don't, seriously, no one else will, because why should they?

jballa838 · 12-20-2012, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaLLiN

idk, i invested a lot in this girl.

Those are sunk costs. Making any decision based on Sunk Costs is why people get stuck in bad situations. You will never get anything you invested in this girl back. Period. Maybe this investment has made it so it is EASIER to get certain things (sex, companionship, etc.) and that is something you can consider, but looking at the time or money you spent in the past on this girl is something you have to leave aside.

I'm not saying that memories/moments should not be considered, because they should, but saying "ugh I've spent so much time on this girl and getting her, I should just stick it out." Look at the position you are in here, not the past resources, and look at other places, relationships, or really anything else you'd rather do and see if this girl is worth it.

BaLLiN · 12-20-2012, 11:07 PM

thanks you nfldc, I understand. I am done, for good idk, but I know I am done at the moment. I know I deserve to be treated better, its wrong to want someone who doesn't invest the same priority in me. I think I am ready to let go. Thank you specifically killxswitch, really good advice in the way I needed to hear it.

Rob S · 12-20-2012, 11:11 PM

In totally unrelated news, all the 3 of these are hysterical

http://tenminutepodcast.com/2012/10/...o-text-chicks/
http://tenminutepodcast.com/2012/12/...th-short-hair/
http://tenminutepodcast.com/2012/04/...or-the-ladies/

Rob S · 12-20-2012, 11:12 PM

I really want to pull the "I'm from Connecticut" from the 3rd one, but that takes some balls.