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Old 05-01-2014, 02:09 PM    (permalink
Blawbert
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Default The Finalized And Totalized Blawbert List

“Roll the Dice” – Charles Bukowski

To place everything you have on a game of pitch and toss is to participate in the premier league draft. It must be acknowledge the evaluation is flawed and therefore cannot pretend to be a science, but that does not mean it has to be an ideology, in which consensus opinions hinder acute analysis. The evaluation is one of discerning the dream from the reality. It is truly an enlightening process in which you must still gamble on a complex organism.

1. Johnny Manziel – Texas A&M – Has been blessed with the embrodied clothes of the heavens. Absolutely Unconventional, anarchy at the quarters spot, truly proficient in his game, hubris is of no issue.

2. Kyle Van Noy – BYU – As a BYU Alumni I reiterate one of Blawberts classic one liners, Abstinence U produces violent celibate athletes.

3. Pierre Desir – Lindenwood – Revolutionary abuse of the slot to push Wes Welker types out of the premier league.

4. Ryan Groy – Wisconsin – Road Grader posture enables him to excel in trench warfare.

5. Greg Robinson – Auburn – Morbidly Violent Obesity who unlike the conventional private dancer is not soft.

6. Jadeveon Clowney – South Carolina – By the laws set forth by the “De Rerum Natura”, you must not fear the Gods for an even worse fate awaits. Clowney must find his motivation or he will self-destruct.

7. Sammy Watkins – Clemson – This List appreciates a player that can cut the back ass off the secondary. Total Assymetrical Warfare.

8. Jeff Janis – Saginaw Valley St – Perfect triangular numbers. Appraisal of this specimen is one of approval.

9. Aaron Donald – Pittsburgh – Top Shelf Whiskey, Plastic Bottle. Plato’s Allegory of enlightenment.

10. Khalil Mack – Buffalo – Terror in the form of an H.P Lovecraft apparition. Rich man’s money, Poor boys Dreams.

11. Bo Lokombo – Oregon – From the existential platform knows the meaning of life. Will have a job for 7 years.

12. Kony Ealy – Missouri – Suspected relation to Joseph Kony, pending DNA results.

13. Justin Gilbert – Oklahoma State – Computer Numbers were proven accept the null hypothesis.

14. Jimmie Ward – Northern Illinois – Pure intelligent grind. I shake the hand of the man who drafts him.

15. Marqise Lee – USC – Nihlists put their chips on this horse.

16. Joel Bitonio – Nevada – Soboleski told me to draft this man, I trust any prole with that last name.

17. Derek Carr – Fresno State – Bizarre Specimen at the quarters position, of whose progenitor was an absolute failure. This list suspects he was adopted.

18. Mike Evans – Texas A&M – The Ebony construction of Jimmy Graham. Enigmatic playmaking ability.

19. Tre Mason – Auburn – Magnificently underwhelming 4.0 yards a carry but practically sufficient for the premier league. Is one of several illegitimate children of Travis Henry scattered across the nation.

20. Will Sutton – Arizona State – One of Lovecrafts Grotesque penguins who is a horror on the interior. Blawberts Projected steal of the draft.

21. Ryan Shazier- Ohio St – In a league of aberrations of life, he is considered an outlier. Plays with the cold blood of the W.B Yeats poem, “The second coming”.

22. Marqueston Huff – Wyoming – Propaganda machines being non-existent in Wyoming, computer numbers were received by pigeon carrier. They were everything they were hoped to be.

23. Tyler Larsen – Utah St – Violent Brawler with light feet and iron fists.

24. C.J Fiedorowicz – Iowa – The name comes from a lineage of proletariats.

25. Andre Williams – Boston College – Very intriguing prospect despite playing a valueless position.

26. Jake Matthews – Texas A&M – Ancestral linkage can only be described as infallible.

27. Darqueze Dennard – Michigan State – Accusations of child bearing hips proven true yet his ability to turn is revolutionary.

28. Jordan Tripp – Montana – Exhibits the prole lifestyle of George Orwells “Boxer”. Belichick steals him in the 5th.

29. Dee Ford – Auburn – Jack Rabbit off the edge.

30. Anthony Barr – UCLA – A true chess piece on the defense. Run and Chase.

31. Dri Archer – Kent St – You all know why hes on this list.

32. Colt Lyerla – Oregon – Offensive Utility Knife with a self-fulfilled prophecy to play with the magic 8 ball. Will play for 5 teams in 8 years.

33. Donte Moncrief – Ole Miss – Can run in straight lines and is tall.

* Teddy Bridgewater – Louisville – Coward that fails in both Quantitative and Qualitative Analysis. Reminiscent of Matt Barkley.
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Old 05-01-2014, 02:18 PM    (permalink
Don Vito
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This made me laugh, but Donte Moncrief will have the last laugh.
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Old 05-02-2014, 03:11 PM    (permalink
Blawbert
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This made me laugh, but Donte Moncrief will have the last laugh.
Moncrief skill set aligns with that of the celestial bodies, but where lie your motivation mr moncrief.
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Old 05-02-2014, 03:48 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by Blawbert View Post
17. Derek Carr – Fresno State – Bizarre Specimen at the quarters position, of whose progenitor was an absolute failure. This list suspects he was adopted.
I resonate with just about everything on this list, but... are you saying you like Carr? I love his arm, but... that's all.

Quote:
19. Tre Mason – Auburn – Magnificently underwhelming 4.0 yards a carry but practically sufficient for the premier league. Is one of several illegitimate children of Travis Henry scattered across the nation.
Very apt.

Quote:
25. Andre Williams – Boston College – Very intriguing prospect despite playing a valueless position.
Especially since he *cannot catch*, he is a perfect candidate to be the next 6th-round 1000-yarder. Can you imagine him in Washington's offense, charging through those holes? Maybe he ends up in Carolina and they do something similar for Cam. That might make his life easier even than bringing in a top wideout.

Quote:
* Teddy Bridgewater – Louisville – Coward that fails in both Quantitative and Qualitative Analysis. Reminiscent of Matt Barkley.
That's pretty strong. Can't say I'd call him a coward. He's not Manziel, that's for sure. He doesn't play with reckless abandon. But he's no coward. I also like him better than I liked Barkley. Still someone to pick in the first round if you're in need of a quarterback. He's done a lot of things well. Comportment is sort of Eli Manning-like, but he has more athleticism.

Last edited by Caulibflower : 05-02-2014 at 04:13 PM.
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Old 05-02-2014, 04:02 PM    (permalink
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Old 05-02-2014, 04:06 PM    (permalink
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I believe you're alone in your opinion that Bridgewater is a coward. He's taken numerous clean shots while still delivering the ball from the pocket and he played hurt against Rutgers as a sophomore. He also had 2 of his best performances in the biggest games of his career (last 2 bowl games).

At the very least is was an entertaining read.
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Old 05-02-2014, 04:31 PM    (permalink
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Terrific as usual.

This one was actually more cookie cutter than they have been in the past. Agree on Mason, Evans, CJF, Archer.

And this makes me want to watch Huff....

Enlighten the proles about Bortles, Verrett, and Allen Robinson please.
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Old 05-02-2014, 04:47 PM    (permalink
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Enlighten the proles about Bortles, Verrett, and Allen Robinson please.
I second this request.
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Old 05-03-2014, 06:31 PM    (permalink
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Various Commentaries.
First and foremost address the scrutiny over the teddy bridgewater assessment. Contemporary version of the American fantasy. An unintelligible robot is. He is indeed a coward, it has not revealed in his execution of the quarters position to this point. But from further psychoanalysis his fear of a divine presence has indubiously between demonstrated. By indemnifying himself, he illustrates he does not confide in his aptitude to control his fate. This lack of conviction will plague him. Teddywater is only interested in capital, surpassing MR clowney, is now the prime candidate to take the money and run. At his demise he will reside within the trashbin of history with other megabusts.

Second hand, Bizzare Specimen Derek Carr capability is not analogous to that of his forerunner. Rather reminiscent that of Ryan Tannehill, a bourgeoisie of whom is capable but has not reached capacity. Leading to my intrigue of younger carr. His genetic linkages to his brother are yet to be proven. It reminds me of Rudyard Kiplings quote “Never look backyards or you’ll fall down the stairs”. Moving onto Aristotle’s disproof of the void, he did not believe that a void existed because he had never seen it. His brothers traits have not been documented within him, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Be wary of the Carr lineage.

Further reading
“De Rerum Natura” Book VI – Lucretius
“Physics” Book VII – Aristotle.
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Old 05-03-2014, 06:38 PM    (permalink
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As per request. Placeholder digits do not apply to these proles.

Blake Bortles – UCF – Abomination to the forward pass. This list must annotate he holds one of the vilest names in human existence.

Allen Robinson – Penn State – Overlooked due to the propaganda machines endorsing a superior class of wideouts. Hit reset button. Suspect a similar fate to Carlton Mitchell.

Jason Verret – TCU - Aptitude to withstand the premier league is uncertain. Blawbert suspects fit is in the nickel and as a return prole.
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Old 05-04-2014, 11:14 AM    (permalink
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Any reference to Jeff Janis gets an A in my book. Probably biggest sleeper in the draft.
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Old 05-04-2014, 12:40 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by Blawbert View Post
As per request. Placeholder digits do not apply to these proles.

Blake Bortles – UCF – Abomination to the forward pass. This list must annotate he holds one of the vilest names in human existence.

Allen Robinson – Penn State – Overlooked due to the propaganda machines endorsing a superior class of wideouts. Hit reset button. Suspect a similar fate to Carlton Mitchell.

Jason Verret – TCU - Aptitude to withstand the premier league is uncertain. Blawbert suspects fit is in the nickel and as a return prole.
I loved Carlton Mitchell too. Doesn't the Robinson thing contradict itself?

These have me thinking, though. Verrett can play in the league without question. And are you talking about Bortles have a vile name or...

The other post was just classic though. You are right, it has not been proven that Derek is David's brother.

A few years ago it was either Blawb or one of his contemporaries (Klause, maybe?) who put Jordan Rodgers first on his list and said: "Take a chance on pure genetics." lol
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Old 05-04-2014, 03:22 PM    (permalink
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These posts are the most fascinating things on the internet. It's the same (hilarious) joke every time, but I'll be damned if I don't find myself nodding in agreement with most of these. The Derek Carr-Ryan Tannehill comparison is especially good.

I request elaboration on Marquise Lee. He seems like the anti-Klaus list type.
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Old 05-04-2014, 04:11 PM    (permalink
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This list deserves a larger audience. The Aaron Donald analysis is gold.
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Old 05-05-2014, 08:50 PM    (permalink
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Future Elucidation
The aforementioned commentary on robinson is not an incongruency. Rather a statement of fact and then a reflection. I evoke Linnaeus’s abhorrent addition to zoology being the clade “Herpetofauna”. The former existing a classification reptiles and amphibians in the parallel lineage. Exteriorly speaking one materializes as the same but until one examines interal/sexual anatomy he will forsake in the same light. Robinson like Mitchell masquerades himself as a exceptional prospect but upon closer inspection is simply a caecilian shrouded as snake.

Mr. Lee established faith with a season with loss of the analytics but one of grind and sufficient computer numbers. He has gained the conviction of the nihilists for all fidelity had been lost in the position from Megastars that believe they were on par with the gods. A true portrayal of prole.
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Old 05-05-2014, 09:17 PM    (permalink
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These things should be way more popular than they are.
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:25 PM    (permalink
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My only question... Who is this year's fetus sized prospect with herpes like persistence?

Maybe this should be an annual award
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:37 PM    (permalink
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Future Elucidation
The aforementioned commentary on robinson is not an incongruency. Rather a statement of fact and then a reflection. I evoke Linnaeus’s abhorrent addition to zoology being the clade “Herpetofauna”. The former existing a classification reptiles and amphibians in the parallel lineage. Exteriorly speaking one materializes as the same but until one examines interal/sexual anatomy he will forsake in the same light. Robinson like Mitchell masquerades himself as a exceptional prospect but upon closer inspection is simply a caecilian shrouded as snake.

Mr. Lee established faith with a season with loss of the analytics but one of grind and sufficient computer numbers. He has gained the conviction of the nihilists for all fidelity had been lost in the position from Megastars that believe they were on par with the gods. A true portrayal of prole.
It really is a shame that herpetology is still taught as a single course on reptiles and amphibians in most undergrad biology programs. All the while, avian reptiles get to continue masquerading outside of their cladistic classification in a separate ornithology course. Not complaining, though. Needed all that class time for bird watching.
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Old 05-06-2014, 09:02 PM    (permalink
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What is a Blawbert?
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:19 PM    (permalink
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What is a Blawbert?
I was wondering the same thing
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Old 05-10-2014, 02:48 PM    (permalink
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Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.Blawbert is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.
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Originally Posted by D-Unit View Post
What is a Blawbert?
The celestial bodies align and enlightenment is once again achieved. I am your thoroughfare.
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Old 05-10-2014, 02:51 PM    (permalink
D-Unit
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Join Date: Mar 2005
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D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.D-Unit is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.
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The celestial bodies align and enlightenment is once again achieved. I am your thoroughfare.
So what do you think of the Cowboys draft so far? =)
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Old 05-10-2014, 04:20 PM    (permalink
Meklu
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Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.Meklu could make a wolverine purr.
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Originally Posted by Blawbert View Post
The celestial bodies align and enlightenment is once again achieved. I am your thoroughfare.
(10 characters.) Yes.
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