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Old 06-04-2014, 02:16 PM    (permalink
49ersfan_87
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Whats better- asking a girl out via text, or talking to her on the phone?

I only have 2 more classes left with this girl and we just started talking a week ago (group project), only talked really extensively twice. Project's already done and class ends next week. May not have enough time to build a rapport where I could ask her out in person. Thinking I would try to find some things we have in common and continue that thread on FB/Text after class ends, and see if there's any potential.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:19 PM    (permalink
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Just ask her out in person. You don't need a rapport.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:36 PM    (permalink
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Just ask her out in person. You don't need a rapport.
I may just do that. Regardless, however I do it, I was just going to say "I'm going to (name of a nice bar) this weekend, would you like to join me?"

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Old 06-05-2014, 07:27 AM    (permalink
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so the other night this girl I am into - who I have been 'talking' to preety much exclusively through snapchat - is definitely hammered and send me a pic of her in bed with only her bra and some uninteligible caption. this is unusual for her but I do not know if this went to anyone else or not. I responded with some lame nonsense and pic of me. then I get one back of her making a kiss face saying 'wow. come ****.'

given I am not completely stupid, I am fairly sure she is interested at this point. my problem is that as far as I can tell she has no recollection of this and things have been tame and back to normal since. how do I proceed from here? I've been flirting more but should I mention something about the other night and see how she responds? or should I just let that be and continue with the flirting

unfortunately there's not a lot I can do right now to hang out in person because I'm taking summer classes at school. but when the opportunity presents itself I want to be as certain as possible
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Old 06-05-2014, 09:44 AM    (permalink
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You should have went and done what she requested.

But I don't see any reason to not push the issue or be more aggressive. I don't think mentioning the other night is necessary.
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Old 06-05-2014, 10:23 AM    (permalink
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I should add that I wasn't going to be like "hey remember when you said this" but bring it up more subtely. and I would have done what she requested if I wasn't 10+ hours away. anyway thats about what I was thinking but confirmation helps anyway. would +rep you if I could
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Old 06-05-2014, 10:26 AM    (permalink
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Yeah ten hours is a bit much lol. I don't think I would go more than 30 minutes. But you sound like you are in good position.
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Old 06-05-2014, 12:05 PM    (permalink
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Wait this girl is 10+ hours away? How did you two start talking?
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Old 06-05-2014, 12:44 PM    (permalink
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this girl I am into - who I have been 'talking' to preety much exclusively through snapchat
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Old 06-05-2014, 12:50 PM    (permalink
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Wait this girl is 10+ hours away? How did you two start talking?
at college. i am here for summer, she is not

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.
yeah, i don't exactly know how to explain it. basically the same thing you would do with texting but with pictures, i suppose

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Old 06-05-2014, 12:56 PM    (permalink
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Old 06-05-2014, 01:25 PM    (permalink
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at college. i am here for summer, she is not



yeah, i don't exactly know how to explain it. basically the same thing you would do with texting but with pictures, i suppose
Okay this makes a lot more sense now. I got a couple questions for ya then:
- Any idea when she's coming back to college?

- Do you like this girl, or are you just looking for more of a hook-up?

cause if you're just looking for a hook-up and she's not gonna be back until the next semester I'd just try to keep in touch every couple of days and then when she gets back try and set something up. If you really like her, well **** man, idk what to tell ya, 10+ hours away isn't really conducive to starting a relationship.
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Old 06-05-2014, 01:29 PM    (permalink
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Okay this makes a lot more sense now. I got a couple questions for ya then:
- Any idea when she's coming back to college?

- Do you like this girl, or are you just looking for more of a hook-up?

cause if you're just looking for a hook-up and she's not gonna be back until the next semester I'd just try to keep in touch every couple of days and then when she gets back try and set something up. If you really like her, well **** man, idk what to tell ya, 10+ hours away isn't really conducive to starting a relationship.
in the fall, and at that point it would be easy to hang out whenever. I am just trying to advance it to the point where when fall semester starts it's not even a question, I guess. a lot of my good friends just graduated so I am looking for a relationship over a hookup
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Old 06-07-2014, 04:34 PM    (permalink
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in the fall, and at that point it would be easy to hang out whenever. I am just trying to advance it to the point where when fall semester starts it's not even a question, I guess. a lot of my good friends just graduated so I am looking for a relationship over a hookup
You can really only get so far, even if you've known this girl. I think you'd be overthinking it if you bring it to a relationship-esque stage before you can even see her. However, there are ways for you to let her know you are into her on a more serious level without being overreaching. Why don't you try FaceTime/Skype?

That'd probably be my best bet for you, because then you can see if you are actually "talking" to the girl or if she's flirtatious and (pet peeve) texts/snapchats constantly. This will also show her you are dedicated to a conversation with her and she won't get presumptuous about you being a flirt either. Jah feel?

And after maybe once or twice, it may become more often and then like you want it may be a much better bet that you will have a lead to a relationship. I don't suggest calling much, although some girls find it cute if you leave them a voicemail or something but what you think is cute and charming could come across as creepy.

Try it!
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Old 06-07-2014, 08:38 PM    (permalink
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I hate facetime and that sort of thing. Tremendously awkard to me. Would much rather call which shouldn't be awkward at the point he is at. But I agree that there is only so much to do when so far away.
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Old 06-08-2014, 11:45 AM    (permalink
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Have you guys ever dealt with just one parent who showed no effort in getting to know you or welcoming you in the house or relationship? That's how my gf of almost 2 years father is. How do I deal with this? It's very frustrating because I never have done anything to disrespect him or the house and it still doesn't work. At this stage, there is no point in even trying with the man because he's one of those bitter and grumpy people who feels he's right about everything.
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Old 06-08-2014, 12:34 PM    (permalink
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Have you guys ever dealt with just one parent who showed no effort in getting to know you or welcoming you in the house or relationship? That's how my gf of almost 2 years father is. How do I deal with this? It's very frustrating because I never have done anything to disrespect him or the house and it still doesn't work. At this stage, there is no point in even trying with the man because he's one of those bitter and grumpy people who feels he's right about everything.
Have you talked to your girl about it at all? I feel like it'd be easier for her to approach him and ask him to be more open than for you to try and tell him that. If he's as cold as he sounds she should understand immediately
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Old 06-08-2014, 12:48 PM    (permalink
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Have you talked to your girl about it at all? I feel like it'd be easier for her to approach him and ask him to be more open than for you to try and tell him that. If he's as cold as he sounds she should understand immediately
Everyone understands where I come from except him. Her and her mom say that he doesn't speak to me and he claims he does.
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Old 06-08-2014, 03:07 PM    (permalink
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Everyone understands where I come from except him. Her and her mom say that he doesn't speak to me and he claims he does.
That sucks man, idk what to tell ya. Does he like the pirates at all? Maybe try and get tix and bring her and her dad. Can't see him being cold and quiet the whole game.
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:37 PM    (permalink
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I agree with the game thing. Really the best thing you can do is make his daughter happy, and do so without being flimsy. Gaining respect certainly doesn't mean you kiss the ground he walks on, but giving interest to your relationship to him is something that I suspect that he would respect you for.

The tickets might be a little much, especially if its awkward just trying to talk to the man. An obvious ploy to get closer to him like that isn't the worst, but I still think there is a much smaller alternative like, you know, just sitting and watching television with him. What is he interested in? Like you would try to land a girl, starting a conversation can be very natural with shared interests. NBA Finals?
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:57 PM    (permalink
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So my girlfriends sister has a drug problem. She has done prescription pills, heroin, but mostly just marijuana. She's asked me to get her some weed on a few occasions after I got her brownies once because when she was visiting my school she was going around asking people. (It's not the greatest area so I was worried that she would get something bad, and I'd rather her be safe). Other than the first time I never supplied her with it, and told her I couldn't anymore.

This girl is smart, I can tell that she knows how to manipulate people and can read her intelligence, but she just is winding up in a bad place, like a lot of other kids these days. I believe she doesn't know how to cope with stress so she uses, and its caused her to drop out of school, quit her job, refuse therapy, lose friends because they told my girlfriend that she tried heroin and were worried, run away a few times, speak nasty to her family, and put a lot of emotional anxiety on her family.

My girlfriend already has her own problems with anxiety (and I am starting to see increased alcohol use), and she talks to me about her sister a lot and how her parents are cracking. Her other sister seems to be completely isolating herself from it. I kind of am tired of it, and relate to her sister from my childhood.

I don't think its right for me to swoop in and try to fix things, but my girlfriend has told me that her sister likes me, and I think I could talk to her. I've had a few plans, probably not the greatest idea was to smoke once with her. I think most people need a role model, or someone to relate to that can help them be a better them. If I can show her using is okay but there are other ways to cope and having balance can help her regain her life path, I'd be successful. Bad idea?

I told my girlfriend that she and her family are enabling her by reacting to her and more than likely distressing her more by arguing back in ways that will make her even more defensive. I don't see the family changing their caring ways, which is why I kind of see someone outside of the family needing to be the one to connect with her.

I am really not that involved with it right now, I mostly just listen and offer advice to my girlfriend when asked, but I don't care to stand by for anything worse to happen. I also don't want it to be a problem later in our relationship. Any suggestions?
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Old 06-13-2014, 08:11 AM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by BamaFalcon59 View Post
I hate facetime and that sort of thing. Tremendously awkard to me. Would much rather call which shouldn't be awkward at the point he is at. But I agree that there is only so much to do when so far away.
I've never been fond of that or Skype myself. Don't bother with them these days -the last ex wanted to facetime too much for my liking.

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Originally Posted by Hines View Post
Have you guys ever dealt with just one parent who showed no effort in getting to know you or welcoming you in the house or relationship? That's how my gf of almost 2 years father is. How do I deal with this? It's very frustrating because I never have done anything to disrespect him or the house and it still doesn't work. At this stage, there is no point in even trying with the man because he's one of those bitter and grumpy people who feels he's right about everything.
Is he just like that with you or is he just an a$$hat in general? If it's the latter, not much for you to do. Just focus on your relationship and let the old coot sort himself out.

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Originally Posted by BaLLiN View Post
So my girlfriends sister has a drug problem. She has done prescription pills, heroin, but mostly just marijuana. She's asked me to get her some weed on a few occasions after I got her brownies once because when she was visiting my school she was going around asking people. (It's not the greatest area so I was worried that she would get something bad, and I'd rather her be safe). Other than the first time I never supplied her with it, and told her I couldn't anymore.

This girl is smart, I can tell that she knows how to manipulate people and can read her intelligence, but she just is winding up in a bad place, like a lot of other kids these days. I believe she doesn't know how to cope with stress so she uses, and its caused her to drop out of school, quit her job, refuse therapy, lose friends because they told my girlfriend that she tried heroin and were worried, run away a few times, speak nasty to her family, and put a lot of emotional anxiety on her family.

My girlfriend already has her own problems with anxiety (and I am starting to see increased alcohol use), and she talks to me about her sister a lot and how her parents are cracking. Her other sister seems to be completely isolating herself from it. I kind of am tired of it, and relate to her sister from my childhood.

I don't think its right for me to swoop in and try to fix things, but my girlfriend has told me that her sister likes me, and I think I could talk to her. I've had a few plans, probably not the greatest idea was to smoke once with her. I think most people need a role model, or someone to relate to that can help them be a better them. If I can show her using is okay but there are other ways to cope and having balance can help her regain her life path, I'd be successful. Bad idea?

I told my girlfriend that she and her family are enabling her by reacting to her and more than likely distressing her more by arguing back in ways that will make her even more defensive. I don't see the family changing their caring ways, which is why I kind of see someone outside of the family needing to be the one to connect with her.

I am really not that involved with it right now, I mostly just listen and offer advice to my girlfriend when asked, but I don't care to stand by for anything worse to happen. I also don't want it to be a problem later in our relationship. Any suggestions?
Tough to effectively treat these issues when...they're not being treated. A lot of people in her situation typically wind up in a therapeutic environment against their will - by court order, for example. She certainly needs to be in a rehab center from the sounds of it, likely for an extended period of time.

But she can't be forced to go. Best you and her family can do is keep pushing the typical "we care about you, we want to see you get better, we want to see you get help" shtick and hope it eventually sticks. With some perseverance it's doable. Be supportive, yet firm.

Yeah, families typically do a great job enabling their drug addled sons/daughters.
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Old 06-13-2014, 03:23 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by BaLLiN View Post
So my girlfriends sister has a drug problem. She has done prescription pills, heroin, but mostly just marijuana. She's asked me to get her some weed on a few occasions after I got her brownies once because when she was visiting my school she was going around asking people. (It's not the greatest area so I was worried that she would get something bad, and I'd rather her be safe). Other than the first time I never supplied her with it, and told her I couldn't anymore.

This girl is smart, I can tell that she knows how to manipulate people and can read her intelligence, but she just is winding up in a bad place, like a lot of other kids these days. I believe she doesn't know how to cope with stress so she uses, and its caused her to drop out of school, quit her job, refuse therapy, lose friends because they told my girlfriend that she tried heroin and were worried, run away a few times, speak nasty to her family, and put a lot of emotional anxiety on her family.

My girlfriend already has her own problems with anxiety (and I am starting to see increased alcohol use), and she talks to me about her sister a lot and how her parents are cracking. Her other sister seems to be completely isolating herself from it. I kind of am tired of it, and relate to her sister from my childhood.

I don't think its right for me to swoop in and try to fix things, but my girlfriend has told me that her sister likes me, and I think I could talk to her. I've had a few plans, probably not the greatest idea was to smoke once with her. I think most people need a role model, or someone to relate to that can help them be a better them. If I can show her using is okay but there are other ways to cope and having balance can help her regain her life path, I'd be successful. Bad idea?

I told my girlfriend that she and her family are enabling her by reacting to her and more than likely distressing her more by arguing back in ways that will make her even more defensive. I don't see the family changing their caring ways, which is why I kind of see someone outside of the family needing to be the one to connect with her.

I am really not that involved with it right now, I mostly just listen and offer advice to my girlfriend when asked, but I don't care to stand by for anything worse to happen. I also don't want it to be a problem later in our relationship. Any suggestions?
It sounds like she needs the type of help that you and her family can't offer her by yourselves. The trick is, she has to be ready to accept the outside help without feeling like she's being forced into it.

I'd also be worried about your girlfriend and her anxiety and increased alcohol use.
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Old 06-16-2014, 10:32 PM    (permalink
BaLLiN
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Tough to effectively treat these issues when...they're not being treated. A lot of people in her situation typically wind up in a therapeutic environment against their will - by court order, for example. She certainly needs to be in a rehab center from the sounds of it, likely for an extended period of time.

But she can't be forced to go. Best you and her family can do is keep pushing the typical "we care about you, we want to see you get better, we want to see you get help" shtick and hope it eventually sticks. With some perseverance it's doable. Be supportive, yet firm.

Yeah, families typically do a great job enabling their drug addled sons/daughters.
Thats what I kind of was aiming for, getting her to get help thats not me or her family. I am not so sure the we care about you and dealing with her is a capable alternative for them; they are all cracking a little.

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It sounds like she needs the type of help that you and her family can't offer her by yourselves. The trick is, she has to be ready to accept the outside help without feeling like she's being forced into it.

I'd also be worried about your girlfriend and her anxiety and increased alcohol use.
Agreed, like I mentioned above I don't think that its possible for the family to heal it, but rather an outside party. I definitely think opposite of my girlfriends situation, she does recognize she's drinking more often and (to agree) is cognizant of the fact she's abusing the quantity per sitting although i am sure she's gunna cite reasons such as "I just turned 21" or "my girlfriends go out all the time". I was with them this past weekend and my girlfriend drank the most (long island and two other mixed drinks to her friends having long islands and 1 mixed drink each) and she is the smallest by a lot.

I talked to my cousin about it who is a former alcoholic and is clean now, but he said the biggest thing I should look for is a personality change or if she's hurting herself in some way.
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Old 06-22-2014, 10:56 AM    (permalink
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Well update, she drank a lot last night and was texting me nonsense and her friends had to take care of her. She apologized this morning and said she didn't want to drink anymore.
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