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Old 02-07-2010, 07:00 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by derza222 View Post
So my girlfriend's been acting pretty weird lately. Basic backstory, we've been dating off and on for 4 and a half years ish, I've posted about her here before. She's broken up with me the last few times, most recently being very end of 2009. We elected to get back together a few weeks later, and she's been off recently, just not herself, and neither of us has been all that happy.

Now she turned 21 in December, but does not drink at all. Doesn't like the taste, didn't even go out for her 21st. We've been a little on the rocks since getting back together but nothing awful I thought. I find out this weekend she's going to spend the weekend at school which she only has done when she's upset with me. Going to her friend's 21st birthday party, which apparently she was going to avoid before we broke up. Just found out she's been drinking, so presumably she's going to be staying there with guys (her only friends at school are guys and a lot of them are into her) and who knows what she's doing because she doesn't drink at all and nobody's going to have her stop because most of them are into her as I said. I'm pretty nervous about this whole situation because she's a huge part of my life and I feel like she's intentionally trying to piss me off and at this point going to break up with me very soon.

Any advice/thoughts? This is all way out of character for her and I'm upset...not because what she's doing is wrong because it's pretty standard for people our age but it's just very out of character as I said. I know this seems like a huge overreaction but it's hard to explain without knowing her.
Stop projecting your insecurities onto her. Has she ever given you a reason to get jealous? Regardless of the answer, if you don't trust her do both of you a favor and end it for real. Without trust you both will just be miserable in a relationship that can't work.
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Old 02-07-2010, 07:30 PM    (permalink
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Stop projecting your insecurities onto her. Has she ever given you a reason to get jealous? Regardless of the answer, if you don't trust her do both of you a favor and end it for real. Without trust you both will just be miserable in a relationship that can't work.
Stellar advice, and exactly what I found out when I talked to her today. She's a smart person and really I have no reason not to trust her. There's still some other question marks but provided I can do that, and I definitely can, it will help my cause there.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:28 PM    (permalink
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Ok guys so here's what happened to me recently. I could use some advice.

So my girlfriend of 8 months decides that she wants a break, seemingly out of nowhere. She of course gave me the usual bs that it wasn't my fault, blah blah blah. It obviously was my fault because I had started to become lazy with the relationship. I have tried to show her that I can go back to the way I was when we first started to date but she said she didn't want me to change for her.

I recently decided to just stop talking to her altogether so she can figure out what she wants to do. I deleted her from my facebook (which pissed her off). I told her that I was not going to sit around and wait for a decision and that I need to move on with my life. I also told her that I would not be her friend if she decided to break up with me, because it would be too difficult for me. She has not contacted me for about 5 days. I want to be with this girl but I don't know what to do other than focus on myself (which is a very difficult thing to do considering the position I'm in at the moment).

Any thoughts or ideas on what to do?
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:33 PM    (permalink
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Your doing the right thing. Keep to yourself and away from her. She will eventually miss your company and start talking to you and that is when you win her back. Right now give both of you space and move on.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:38 PM    (permalink
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Your doing the right thing. Keep to yourself and away from her. She will eventually miss your company and start talking to you and that is when you win her back. Right now give both of you space and move on.
Yeah. Thanks man I appreciate the input. The hardest part about the situation is that she literally lives right next to me. Her room is right next to mine. I locked my door to make sure that she can't just come in whenever she pleases. That of course didn't make her too happy either lol.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:45 PM    (permalink
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Yeah. Thanks man I appreciate the input. The hardest part about the situation is that she literally lives right next to me. Her room is right next to mine. I locked my door to make sure that she can't just come in whenever she pleases. That of course didn't make her too happy either lol.
Very true. From what I am seeing from your situation is that she is making the situation harder for the both of you by wanting her space from the relationship, but also wanting you as a friend in her life. Just remember when she realizes she can't have her cake and eat it too, she will start thinking about the relationship again.
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Old 02-07-2010, 09:54 PM    (permalink
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Very true. From what I am seeing from your situation is that she is making the situation harder for the both of you by wanting her space from the relationship, but also wanting you as a friend in her life. Just remember when she realizes she can't have her cake and eat it too, she will start thinking about the relationship again.
Yeah I understand that. That's why I told her that I would not be her friend if we broke up. So she can't just use me.
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:48 PM    (permalink
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I recently decided to just stop talking to her altogether so she can figure out what she wants to do. I deleted her from my facebook (which pissed her off). I told her that I was not going to sit around and wait for a decision and that I need to move on with my life. I also told her that I would not be her friend if she decided to break up with me, because it would be too difficult for me. She has not contacted me for about 5 days. I want to be with this girl but I don't know what to do other than focus on myself (which is a very difficult thing to do considering the position I'm in at the moment).

Any thoughts or ideas on what to do?
You ended the relationship. Severe ties and move on.
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Old 02-07-2010, 10:59 PM    (permalink
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You ended the relationship. Severe ties and move on.
I don't think their relationship is totally ended. It truely depends on the strength of their emotional attachment to one another. I think for her to want him in her life as a friend shows that she cares and wants him to be there for her. She is just wanting to go out and see what else is out there and what she is missing by being in a relationship, but she still wants that relationship with him that they had. Once she does see that they can't be friends, she will make the decision on whether they get back together or not. The decision all depends if she likes being out there or if she misses him.
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Old 02-08-2010, 12:30 AM    (permalink
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I don't think their relationship is totally ended. It truely depends on the strength of their emotional attachment to one another. I think for her to want him in her life as a friend shows that she cares and wants him to be there for her. She is just wanting to go out and see what else is out there and what she is missing by being in a relationship, but she still wants that relationship with him that they had. Once she does see that they can't be friends, she will make the decision on whether they get back together or not. The decision all depends if she likes being out there or if she misses him.
You can't kinda end a relationship though. Personally I've found it does no good to hope or play for the possibility of reuniting, and honestly that doesn't help your chances. The only way it will happen (and be a healthy thing to do) is if you really do try and move on and you accept it is over. It is impossible to do just by reading comments on the internet but making that your goal is a good step and in time you really will be over it.
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:31 AM    (permalink
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:02 AM    (permalink
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Proximity with your ex is going to create some strife for both of you. An 8 month relationship when you live that close to one another probably makes the attachment deeper and easier and the separation that much harder to achieve. Clearly there were some issues that made things end. I think you are doing the exact right thing here. Cut off all contact. She isn't your friend. She is your ex. If she wants what you used to have, she has to enroll in what you want and need for it to work. If this doesn't work for her, then tough luck.

Keep it up. Eventually, it will get easier. For both of you. Something is bound to give one way or another. You might meet someone new, she might meet someone new, or you might get back together. You can't control what she does. You can only control your own actions. You are doing a really good job so far. Props.
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Old 02-08-2010, 10:09 AM    (permalink
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Proximity with your ex is going to create some strife for both of you. An 8 month relationship when you live that close to one another probably makes the attachment deeper and easier and the separation that much harder to achieve. Clearly there were some issues that made things end. I think you are doing the exact right thing here. Cut off all contact. She isn't your friend. She is your ex. If she wants what you used to have, she has to enroll in what you want and need for it to work. If this doesn't work for her, then tough luck.

Keep it up. Eventually, it will get easier. For both of you. Something is bound to give one way or another. You might meet someone new, she might meet someone new, or you might get back together. You can't control what she does. You can only control your own actions. You are doing a really good job so far. Props.
Yeah. I'm beginning to feel better everyday.
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Old 02-08-2010, 10:26 AM    (permalink
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At a certain point, you're not even going to think about her anymore. When that happens, you'll be free and clear from it. Once you are free and clear, you can successfully analyze what worked in this relationship vs. others and what didn't. What about her was right and wrong? What about your behavior was right and wrong? What are you going to do differently the next time? By assessing and making changes in your expectations, needs, wants, and behavior, you have a better chance of cultivating a successful relationship the next time.
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Old 02-08-2010, 10:41 AM    (permalink
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Another thing that I will note here is that you seem to be getting over this pretty quickly. That is a clear indication that you are either not as into her as you thought or you aren't dealing with the actual emotions yet. Be sure to give yourself the proper time to fully understand your situation.
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:18 PM    (permalink
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Another thing that I will note here is that you seem to be getting over this pretty quickly. That is a clear indication that you are either not as into her as you thought or you aren't dealing with the actual emotions yet. Be sure to give yourself the proper time to fully understand your situation.
The sagest piece of advice ever.

Relationships are not a band aid, you can't just rip it off. Time does heal all wounds and you get the luxury of being able to learn from them and become a better person.
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:20 PM    (permalink
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Bsaza, you need to stop posting in here and start posting about some damn football dammit.

We need you back.
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:41 PM    (permalink
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Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now, about two weeks ago her two really close friends told her to break up with me, because they dislike me. Around her friends and on facebook we are single, yet when no one is looking we act as if we are still in a relationship. She told me during the time she wanted a break, and her friends tell me that she is the one who wanted to break up, but she says its her friends who are the ones that want her to break up with me.

We still talk on the phone, msn, facebook, and talk to each other as if we are still together, my question is, wtf am i suppose to do? all of this happened out of no where and was random at the time, of course it happened two weeks ago, but i still think about it. When ever her and I are around the two friends, we act like friends, and when they are not looking, we hold hands and etc...
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:46 PM    (permalink
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Tips on calling? I've never been a big caller, always text. But I'm getting tierd of text. The girl doesn't talk much in general.
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Old 02-08-2010, 03:33 PM    (permalink
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Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now, about two weeks ago her two really close friends told her to break up with me, because they dislike me. Around her friends and on facebook we are single, yet when no one is looking we act as if we are still in a relationship. She told me during the time she wanted a break, and her friends tell me that she is the one who wanted to break up, but she says its her friends who are the ones that want her to break up with me.

We still talk on the phone, msn, facebook, and talk to each other as if we are still together, my question is, wtf am i suppose to do? all of this happened out of no where and was random at the time, of course it happened two weeks ago, but i still think about it. When ever her and I are around the two friends, we act like friends, and when they are not looking, we hold hands and etc...

If she's that easily persuaded by her friends then you're bailing out the ocean with a teaspoon. If she can't make up her own mind and make a decision then you're better off without the headaches its causing.
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Old 02-08-2010, 04:48 PM    (permalink
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Tips on calling? I've never been a big caller, always text. But I'm getting tierd of text. The girl doesn't talk much in general.
Have a reason to call. Setup a date or talk about something that you both watched. Never just call up to say hey...or find out what shes doing....I mean you could if you want...but if she's not a talker in the first place it'd probably lead to some awkward situations. What is your point for the calls or what are you sick of texting?
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Old 02-08-2010, 04:49 PM    (permalink
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Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now, about two weeks ago her two really close friends told her to break up with me, because they dislike me. Around her friends and on facebook we are single, yet when no one is looking we act as if we are still in a relationship. She told me during the time she wanted a break, and her friends tell me that she is the one who wanted to break up, but she says its her friends who are the ones that want her to break up with me.

We still talk on the phone, msn, facebook, and talk to each other as if we are still together, my question is, wtf am i suppose to do? all of this happened out of no where and was random at the time, of course it happened two weeks ago, but i still think about it. When ever her and I are around the two friends, we act like friends, and when they are not looking, we hold hands and etc...
You're dealing with a lack of maturity on her part. You obviously are more ready for a relationship than she is...maybe it is possible for you two to remain friends...since you seem to be able to pull it off now...but as far as what is best for you...from the limited amount of **** you have said...I'd say start looking for other fish in the sea. You can benefit from finding someone more mature...or causing her to realize she liked what she had and mature up herself.
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Old 02-08-2010, 06:43 PM    (permalink
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Tips on calling? I've never been a big caller, always text. But I'm getting tierd of text. The girl doesn't talk much in general.
If she is a shy girl then I would avoid calling her. I have noticed that shy girls are horrible to talk to on the phone. There very quiet and conserved over the phone and dont really open up much, which makes for a dull conversation. I would still go through text, where it seems like they are more open. If your goona call make sure that you keep the conversation going because you dont want any awkward pauses.
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:39 PM    (permalink
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You're dealing with a lack of maturity on her part. You obviously are more ready for a relationship than she is...maybe it is possible for you two to remain friends...since you seem to be able to pull it off now...but as far as what is best for you...from the limited amount of **** you have said...I'd say start looking for other fish in the sea. You can benefit from finding someone more mature...or causing her to realize she liked what she had and mature up herself.
The problem is, she is really mature, as her two friends are not. She won't tell me why they don't want us to date, the only thing she says is that they hate me. But, whenever i bring up why that should affect the status of our relationship on facebook or in public, her response is "idk." All she tells me is that one of her friends told her to put complicated, then single as her status.

It's confusing i know.

+rep for the both of you.
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:00 PM    (permalink
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The problem is, she is really mature, as her two friends are not. She won't tell me why they don't want us to date, the only thing she says is that they hate me. But, whenever i bring up why that should affect the status of our relationship on facebook or in public, her response is "idk." All she tells me is that one of her friends told her to put complicated, then single as her status.

It's confusing i know.

+rep for the both of you.
Bad sign to come. If this girl just lets her friends make up her mind about the relationship, you can see that she can be easily influenced by others. You have to tell her that your relationship can't be based on lies and that you care about her too much to be her little secret. You will se how much she really cares about you from this. The friends are also a big factor you have to overcome, it's hard to say what there issue with you is, any more info you can give us about them, any history with you and them?, they jealous type?.
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