Relationship Advice Thread

[dabears10]

Originally Posted by thefalconer

everything is closed and its a pretty chilly night. dammit.

I'm bored and feeling helpful, you can pm or post your area and I'll find somewhere to go.

[thefalconer]

Originally Posted by dabears10

I'm bored and feeling helpful, you can pm or post your area and I'll find somewhere to go.

metro atlanta. but underaged :(

[dabears10]

Originally Posted by thefalconer

metro atlanta. but underaged :(

http://www.frommers.com/destinations...ta/D55545.html
Google Maps Link


Seems like a fun unique place. Say you heard it was a fun and different place. It is 24 hours and its supposed to be an experience. It is on the healthier side so if it end up being not your style hopefully you can unite and make it a place you can make fun of. People underrate agreement on what sucks. Its not just what you both like but what you can both hate, it is a bonding experience.

Bah, just realized its not really in Atlanta, I'll keep lookin'.

[thefalconer]

Originally Posted by dabears10

http://www.frommers.com/destinations...ta/D55545.html
Google Maps Link


Seems like a fun unique place. Say you heard it was a fun and different place. It is 24 hours and its supposed to be an experience. It is on the healthier side so if it end up being not your style hopefully you can unite and make it a place you can make fun of. People underrate agreement on what sucks. Its not just what you both like but what you can both hate, it is a bonding experience.

Bah, just realized its not really in Atlanta, I'll keep lookin'.

wow thanks. midtown is pretty much atlanta. good find. she's not much of a latenight eater but i'll suggest it. i just wish i knew some good quiet spots in this area but that's not really something the internet can help find.

[bsaza2358]

Originally Posted by thule

Unfortunately it takes more than looks to make a relationship work, otherwise I woulda be set. This gf isn't bad on the eyes either tho. Not in that class but still a looker.

I'm curious for some of the older guys in here who have dealt with some of this before.

Do you actually put up with your wife/significant other, partying with other males. I know this isn't something that likely happens very often in a mature relationship. But i'm at a very weird crossroads. I got out of a very untrustworthy relationship after 3.5 years. Moved onto this on about a year later. Already have doubts which can't be good.

EX). Last night I go to the casino and she is going to celebrate her bday. No big deal I tell her I'll hit her up when i'm back in town. Get into town at 1230 and text her...no reply so I send another text about 1 when I figure out where I'm going. She replies and acts moderately interested. Says she'll call me soon. 2 hours go by and I'm DJ'ing my face off at a get together and she hasn't called...I decide to call her. She is notorious for blacking out when she drinks...lets just say she knows how to drink a beer. Anyways a dude answers and hangs up...i'm like well it was loud I'll go upstairs. I text her and no reply...then I call her and shes like where are you at....we talk for a little while and shes like well I gotta figure it out....click. I'm like wtf she's clearly hammered and shes out with her girls at this party. She then texts me that shes too drunk to meet up.

Now we've both made it clear that once we wanna move onto other people we will since we've both been hurt before....so I don't think she cheated or anything like that. But am I crazy for not wanting to deal with that. I never thought I'd hear myself say this...but is she in fact to independent?

This is a pretty significant issue. You have trust issues with her, and she may or may not have them with you. How much of your concern related to her is about your prior issues? Your not trusting other guys is natural. Chances are that guys are hanging around her when she's drinking to take advantage. You don't trust her when she's drunk or the guys she's with.

Solution: You need to be able to trust your girl. You can either ask her to not go out like that anymore, to not drink like that anymore, or you have to get over yourself and take the risk on getting hurt. There's also a combination of those things. You need to communicate your concerns about her behavior in a way that she understands you. Likewise, you need to talk about yourself and what you're willing to do to make it easier for her as well. This is about you and her. Her behavior is triggering something in you. You are a common denominator here. There are probably some parallels in behavior and personality between the girl(s) that hurt you and this one. You are seeking out a certain type of person, then you're unhappy when they act that way.

[thule]

Originally Posted by bsaza2358

This is a pretty significant issue. You have trust issues with her, and she may or may not have them with you. How much of your concern related to her is about your prior issues? Your not trusting other guys is natural. Chances are that guys are hanging around her when she's drinking to take advantage. You don't trust her when she's drunk or the guys she's with.

Solution: You need to be able to trust your girl. You can either ask her to not go out like that anymore, to not drink like that anymore, or you have to get over yourself and take the risk on getting hurt. There's also a combination of those things. You need to communicate your concerns about her behavior in a way that she understands you. Likewise, you need to talk about yourself and what you're willing to do to make it easier for her as well. This is about you and her. Her behavior is triggering something in you. You are a common denominator here. There are probably some parallels in behavior and personality between the girl(s) that hurt you and this one. You are seeking out a certain type of person, then you're unhappy when they act that way.

Great stuff in here. Just a quick update.

I told her I think we should just be friends on vday. Timing wasn't the best but I honestly needed to talk about the stuff that had happened. We didn't say much until I got done at the gym...then we started talking. She was pretty reserved for awhile...then it started to get personal and she opened up. At the end of the talk this is the general consensus for us.

Her: "I think you overthink everything that happens between us...eventually to the point where you start thinking about things that aren't even happening and they you start getting cold feet."
Me: "I think you are the most independent person in the world...boarderline selfish...between school...your son...and school you really just don't have enough time to put into a serious relationship"

We both agreed that each other were probably right. We just viewed our relationship differently....I thought of it as more serious where see viewed it as more casual. I've never been able to casual date so that along with the lack of communication in general was probably the main problem.

As far as where we went from here...we've essentially had the same relationship....we actually haven't hooked up the past 2 days...but I think it had more to do with sleep deprivation then actually not doing that anymore....I'm pretty sure our physical relationship will still be the same.

The reasoning behind this was for me the time...and so hopefully I can not care as much about her doing her own thing. I just hope it's not a big deal to me...although I understand that this thinking is probably me being naive. She clearly still likes me and we get along real well...I just don't think she's "the one" but I'm not ready to give up on it yet. We'll probably give it another go after this semester of school for her and see where it goes...time won't be as big of an issue.

[Jakey]

Hey brothers, how can i stop being jealous/paranoid in a long term relationship? I honesly cant seem to stop it.

[bsaza2358]

Easy. Get over yourself. You can't control what other people do. You can only control what you do. Let go of your hangups and stay in the present. Deal with the now. Don't create problems where there aren't any. If you're being jealous and controlling, you're going to drive people you care about away.

[trademaster]

Ok, serious question here.

Here is the situation ( fist pump?) :

Anyways, I am in a marriage, where we had to marry each other because of business. Think of the movie the proposal or Parks and rec.

Now, I've fallen inlove with my ''wife'', and I don't know what to do?
I told her how I felt recently, and she told me she does care about me, but she is not inlove with me, although maybe in the future. But not now.

Because of me, in a way, now she is able to have a great job, with great perks, like going to events, and stuff. I see her mingling with other men, and it kills me inside. It was never my intention to fall in love with her, but it just happened.

Anyways, this is my last attempt, before I totally give up on this because it's killing me inside, it's all I think about. She is all I think about, really.

So she is visiting her parents next weekend, and I am planning on buying her mother and her little sister something.

I just bought her sister something from Armani, and a whole bunch of stuff from Victoria Secret ( before you even make a smarty comment, I only bought her perfume, no undies)

And her mother a nice purse from Calvin Klein.

I also bought my wife a really nice pendant from Tiffany and company.
Now I can still return the pendant, because it's really expensive, now the question is, should I? Or this one is it worth the attempt to show her I feel?

I am also planning on this cheesy thing from the movie ''love actually''

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enrSE6vRWRY


And in the end tell her, that no matter what she decides to do, that I am always going to be happy for her.

Thoughts or suggestions?

[7-11]

My relationship advice...if you are between the age of 15 and 23, every thing you have ever said/done has probably been laced with deceit in order to trick a girl into thinking you are a much nicer person than you are, ultimately trying to get them to sleep with you.

The sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll get to play with lots of vaginas.

['cuse-213]

Hooked up with my crush last night. Score.

[619]

Originally Posted by 7-11

My relationship advice...if you are between the age of 15 and 23, every thing you have ever said/done has probably been laced with deceit in order to trick a girl into thinking you are a much nicer person than you are, ultimately trying to get them to sleep with you.

The sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll get to play with lots of vaginas.

True. But that doesn't mean I'm not a genuinely nice guy. :)

Good advice, though. 'tis very true.

[Brent]

Originally Posted by 'cuse-213

Hooked up with my crush last night. Score.

she let you go bareback?

['cuse-213]

Is there any other way?

[Brent]

Originally Posted by 'cuse-213

Is there any other way?

there are so many other ways, young padawan.

[Kramer]

Continue or to end with that is the question? Here is the story.

So last weekend this girl who i’m friends with told me a friend of hers thought I was hot and wanted to hook up with me and wanted to know if I was interested. I said I would and I hung out with her the next night and did hook up with her and things went smoothly. We talked relatively consistently during the week, and then she invited me to her schools semi formal dance which is tomorrow night, and her friend told me that she was still interested in me. Everything seemed to go smoothly. I didn’t like her, but she is good looking and I want a steady hookup so it seemed perfect. But when I started looking at the situation that my options are limited, and that she’s one of the best girls I’ve ever gotten with, I started to become more interested in her.

However this is where it gets tricky. My friend who was at the same party as her texted me tonight saying he sees her hooking up with another guy. My friend talked to her and was like “so I heard you hooked up with my friend and are taking him to semi, but you hook up with this guy to? whats going on?” Then she said that she did like me and was interested in me, and said he made her feel bad about the whole situation. Later that night a few my friends nearly kicked that kids ass.

We aren’t exclusive, wasn’t planning on it for a little while, but my question is what do I do tomorrow night? She’s my ticket to going to this dance but I don’t know what I should do with her. Granted we aren’t exclusive, but she may be a real **** and that is not what I’m looking for. Do I go to this dance tomorrow night and just ditch her and try for other girls? Do I give her another shot? I just think its kinda slutty hooking up with a guy the night before taking another guy you just recently hooked up with to a dance who you are interested in.

My initial reaction was what a ho, thats what my friends put in my head, but I am starting to calm down. Thoughts?

[HeavyLeggedWaistBender]

Guys always think the girls a **** when she hooks up with someone else, even though she just bust down with them a few days earlier ;)

Well, not exclusive, only wanted sex, and only wanted her after you realized you might not be able to do better..sounds like youll go. But tell your buds to chill, youll look like a chick blowin this outta proportion.

[Kramer]

Originally Posted by HeavyLeggedWaistBender

Guys always think the girls a **** when she hooks up with someone else, even though she just bust down with them a few days earlier ;)

Well, not exclusive, only wanted sex, and only wanted her after you realized you might not be able to do better..sounds like youll go. But tell your buds to chill, youll look like a chick blowin this outta proportion.

Yeah we all realized that afterwards, but the fact that I know shes still interested even after all us this, and that I wasn’t even part of it I shouldn’t be worried. The balls in my court though on this decision. Its not as big of a deal as I originally thought because honestly whenever you hear a girl your interested in just hooked up with someone else your first reaction is “ho fo sho"

[thule]

She hooked up with you the first night you met her....did you really think she was genuine?

[Brent]

not only the first night, the one indicator was "she wants to hook up with you, do you want to hang out with her?"

uhh, sounds like you wanted to bang her, and now you're unable to separate the sex from the emotion.

[Kramer]

She sent me a long ass apology text this morning, so I will see.

[FuzzyGopher]

Why would your friends try to kick the other guys ass? He's an innocent bystander that gravitated towards a ****. And don't get attached to this girl, you're not going to change her.

[Kramer]

They didn’t try to, they just wanted to intimidate him and my friends aren’t fighters at all its pretty funny. They just wanted him to know the situation from their perspective. If I was him I would have been like I’m sorry I didn’t know but according to them he was being a real dick about it.

Ill see what happens tonight, the decision is on me 100%

[HeavyLeggedWaistBender]

I wouldnt go, but thats because I wouldnt want whatever that guy and her share.

[VoteLynnSwan]

if you're just trying to hook up with her then what's the problem? If anything this shows that it'll be extremely easy for you.

On the other hand, I would never recommend getting attached to a girl like that...