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Old 05-09-2010, 09:09 AM    (permalink
Brent
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Originally Posted by StickSkills View Post
Ouch. I was just talking to that girl and got the line, "thank you for being the big brother i never had"
If I were you, I would cease communicating with her. Slowly stop talking to her, provide vague reasons as to why you can't hang out with her, and move on with your life.

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After my last few times out at the bars, I have discovered that I have 0 game, which is not a surprise at all to me. Still way too nervous and hesitant. However, I know I am learning after every night I go out, and it seems like something interesting happens most of the time.
Talk to them with the intention of not ******* them. They will recognize this and, occasionally, let their guard down.
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Old 05-09-2010, 11:58 AM    (permalink
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When I was a Sophmore in HS I met the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. We're not strangers but we never became friends since I never had any class with her or really hung out with the same people. Well years have gone by and I saw her at the bar last night and shes just as stunning. Which means I still cant talk to her. Trust me, Id do ok if I could get over lookin like a creeper or some jerk that thinks he can talk to any girl.

Any tips on being somewhere in between? Or approaching girls at all...
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Old 05-09-2010, 12:03 PM    (permalink
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If I were you, I would cease communicating with her. Slowly stop talking to her, provide vague reasons as to why you can't hang out with her, and move on with your life.
I start college in 48 days. Hopefully I can just use that to cease communications. Til then, I'm just going to enjoy the ride.
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Old 05-09-2010, 01:56 PM    (permalink
JF4
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When I was a Sophmore in HS I met the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. We're not strangers but we never became friends since I never had any class with her or really hung out with the same people. Well years have gone by and I saw her at the bar last night and shes just as stunning. Which means I still cant talk to her. Trust me, Id do ok if I could get over lookin like a creeper or some jerk that thinks he can talk to any girl.

Any tips on being somewhere in between? Or approaching girls at all...
I wrote this a few pages back...

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It is oftentimes difficult to step out of you're element and approach a girl for conversation but what guys have to realize is girls are mostly just as shy and reluctant as a man is.

The effect of having an energy/confidence about you is so often played down these days for things like looks but I feel the way you portray yourself has a much bigger impact. Having that energy about you will make women comfortable around you and make it easier for them to step out of their element and talk.

A good way to get around this confidence issue is to approach any and all women, or even men too, in a social environment and just have friendly discussions. Do not think about getting in their pants, just talk, smile, make a few jokes, relate to something they say, get their names and get out. This will get you comfortable talking to new people and build the confidence you need so in the future you will be able to show your 'value' to women through innocent conversation and they may want to further things with you.
By no means am I an expert or anything like that but after I broke up with my first real girlfriend I have learned much in the approaching game.

The key is to practice, and like I mentioned approach anything and everything. As you gain experience you will begin to learn what works and what doesn't and the easier it will become to have a good opener.

If you are first starting and really uncomfortable try using rehearsed openers, for example:

A) You: Hey do you watch The Simpsons

She: ahh, yes

You: K let me get your opinion on this. Don't you think Marge smoking hot?

She: (laughs) I guess

You: Ya what is she still doing with Homer, she is way too good for him...

continue talking about Simpsons and whatever else comes up. You're in

B) You: Wow, did you see that fight outside?

Her: No

You: It was wild! These two girls were fighting over this guy, the bouncers didn't even stop them

Her: (laughs) Thats crazy

You: I wish that would happen more often around here. Who doesn't enjoy a could chick fight?

Continue talking....You're in

C) The stupid but funny opener...

You have beautiful eyes, can I touch them?

Personally I would start with the let me get your opinion openers if you are green to this. Doesn't have to just be about Simpsons could be some ******** like I have a friend whose girlfriend won't let him speak to his ex, what do you think about this...

Girls want someone who is confident and makes them feel comfortable when they are around him. Practice makes perfect and the more people you approach the more you will learn what is within your limits and what is not.

Oh and with the old high school hottie, I would go with a more traditional approach rather than rehearsed. Oh hey how are you? You've aged well(semi-joke but true), what are you up to nowadays? Shame we never talked that much back then.

And one more thing! Rejection is part of the game, IT WILL HAPPEN, some girls are just bitches, like jay-z says....on to the next one.
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Old 05-09-2010, 02:38 PM    (permalink
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I agree with whoever said let the liquor do the talking. Normally just hang out at the beginning, and scout out a little bit. (Don't stare the entire time, but if you are with others, laugh at a joke or casually glance around, make eye contact and give a little nod and smile.)

After a little bit, she's been drinking and so have you. Then I'm just going with. Hey, how's it going? We haven't meet before. I'm (name), what's your name? Just by how she reacts to that, you can get a pretty solid read on interest. Then I just kind of roll on from there.

If you don't feel there's much happening, don't waste your time. She's not the only hot chick. Maybe just bail out, (I'll see you around, I'm gonna grab another, etc.) You tested the waters and best case scenario, you get her into you a little bit more by giving her attention and then pulling it away.

Now, if I think I've got a shot, generally I'll comment on something going on/that happen wherever we are. The big thing I've noted on this is that it works, but do not linger there forever. It just kills everything. You can be getting a great reaction from her, but eventually you are just going to run out of things to say and you'll end up with some kind of uncomfortable situation that neither one of you are going to want to be in.
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Old 05-09-2010, 02:48 PM    (permalink
JF4
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I agree with whoever said let the liquor do the talking. Normally just hang out at the beginning, and scout out a little bit. (Don't stare the entire time, but if you are with others, laugh at a joke or casually glance around, make eye contact and give a little nod and smile.)

After a little bit, she's been drinking and so have you. Then I'm just going with. Hey, how's it going? We haven't meet before. I'm (name), what's your name? Just by how she reacts to that, you can get a pretty solid read on interest. Then I just kind of roll on from there.

If you don't feel there's much happening, don't waste your time. She's not the only hot chick. Maybe just bail out, (I'll see you around, I'm gonna grab another, etc.) You tested the waters and best case scenario, you get her into you a little bit more by giving her attention and then pulling it away.

Now, if I think I've got a shot, generally I'll comment on something going on/that happen wherever we are. The big thing I've noted on this is that it works, but do not linger there forever. It just kills everything. You can be getting a great reaction from her, but eventually you are just going to run out of things to say and you'll end up with some kind of uncomfortable situation that neither one of you are going to want to be in.
Sailor Jerry provides ultimate game.

I say go by the 3 second rule. You have 3 seconds to approach a girl after looking at her or you will overthink the whole thing and screw yourself. Now this may not apply at all times, but 90% of the time its a good rule to go by.

Very good point with time constraints. If the night is still early there is nothing wrong with getting her name, maybe number too, and saying, 'it was great meeting you but i have to get back to my friends, i will see you around'. It will leave her wanting more and you will most likely see her again at one point during the night.

Remembering a girls name is crucial to this though and it can be very difficult when liquored. A good trick to remembering a girls name is to get her first AND last name and repeat it 3 times to urself upon exit.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:18 PM    (permalink
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Yeah it was early on. I saw her and the first thing I did was switch to beer. I had my usual long island iced tea so I pumped the brakes on that. I did the laugh with my friends and glance around and saw she was atleast looking my direction a few times but that means 1 of 3 things: pure coincidence, she remembers/digs me, or she was creeped out. I truly wasnt staring (Im far too worried about how I come off to do that) but she might have seen me and thought "Oh no, theres that guy who had a crush on me in hs.." Thats what im really afraid of.

But I promised myself if I saw her again Id talk to her but alas, old habits.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:33 PM    (permalink
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Does she know you were into her big time in HS?
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:34 PM    (permalink
JF4
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Yeah it was early on. I saw her and the first thing I did was switch to beer. I had my usual long island iced tea so I pumped the brakes on that. I did the laugh with my friends and glance around and saw she was atleast looking my direction a few times but that means 1 of 3 things: pure coincidence, she remembers/digs me, or she was creeped out. I truly wasnt staring (Im far too worried about how I come off to do that) but she might have seen me and thought "Oh no, theres that guy who had a crush on me in hs.." Thats what im really afraid of.

But I promised myself if I saw her again Id talk to her but alas, old habits.
Seems like you have become way too attached to this girl without truly meeting her and therefore are fighting a losing battle.

By focusing so much on what you are afraid of, you begin to embody that guy who had a crush. Girls are gullible but not stupid, they can sense **** like that a mile away. This is where the 3 second rule can come in handy.

I say work on approaching with other people and then the next time you see this girl approach immediately upon seeing her. Like Brent has mentioned don't go in there with intentions of banging, rather go in with intentions of catching up and making friends.

She is probably just as shy, and possibly drunk, as you so head in with good intentions and let the conversation build upon itself.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:35 PM    (permalink
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So this girl I kind of like and I think is into me brought up in conversation yesterday her ex-boyfriend calling her all the time. She asked me what she should do. I am trying to decide if she is trying to tell me she is over him and wants me to make a move or if she is giving me the friend card, asking me for boy help. It is confusing.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:41 PM    (permalink
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So this girl I kind of like and I think is into me brought up in conversation yesterday her ex-boyfriend calling her all the time. She asked me what she should do. I am trying to decide if she is trying to tell me she is over him and wants me to make a move or if she is giving me the friend card, asking me for boy help. It is confusing.
Well if you like her you better tell her to move on..

I think it will take a little more time to see what card she is playing but I think it will be obvious in due time what she wants.

First step though, break her away from ex-boyfriend.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:43 PM    (permalink
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Well if you like her you better tell her to move on..

I think it will take a little more time to see what card she is playing but I think it will be obvious in due time what she wants.

First step though, break her away from ex-boyfriend.
Oh yeah that is what I told her. She is done with him. I am just confused about which card she is playing. I guess time will tell. I am awful with first moves, so hopefully it becomes obvious, because subtleties I do not pick up on.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:47 PM    (permalink
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Oh yeah that is what I told her. She is done with him. I am just confused about which card she is playing. I guess time will tell. I am awful with first moves, so hopefully it becomes obvious, because subtleties I do not pick up on.
Just try and avoid being the guy whose shoulder she comes to cry on. That's almost certainly a friend card being played.

I'd say her trying to hang out with you more, not just asking you for advice and talking about all her problems, but stuff like going to the movies or going out to eat would be a possible digging you card.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:51 PM    (permalink
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Just try and avoid being the guy whose shoulder she comes to cry on. That's almost certainly a friend card being played.

I'd say her trying to hang out with you more, not just asking you for advice and talking about all her problems, but stuff like going to the movies or going out to eat would be a possible digging you card.
I have extensive experiences with the friend card, and I will avoid that as much as I can, but she definitely has been wanting to hang out more often. The whole asking for advice thing was just something she brought up in like an hour long conversation about just about anything and everything, so I don't think (I should say "I hope I am not") I am getting the friend card.
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:58 PM    (permalink
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Old 05-10-2010, 12:02 PM    (permalink
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Thanks fellas. Im usually ok talking to girls, its when I feel I have something to lose/gain that I choke. I did great one time but I dont know what I did differently. Like a freakin golf swing. I think it was goin in knowing I had no chance, playing with house money.

Maybe thats it...
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:30 PM    (permalink
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Thanks fellas. Im usually ok talking to girls, its when I feel I have something to lose/gain that I choke. I did great one time but I dont know what I did differently. Like a freakin golf swing. I think it was goin in knowing I had no chance, playing with house money.

Maybe thats it...
It's the mindset of just going in with nothing to lose, it makes you just be yourself. When you go in with that mindset you are just very natural because you are not stressing over what to say or what to do.
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:43 PM    (permalink
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I have extensive experiences with the friend card, and I will avoid that as much as I can, but she definitely has been wanting to hang out more often. The whole asking for advice thing was just something she brought up in like an hour long conversation about just about anything and everything, so I don't think (I should say "I hope I am not") I am getting the friend card.
She's not playing the friend card. Stop pussyfooting around and go for it!
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:32 PM    (permalink
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Wow, i suck at taking advice guys. Her and I went running together today. (she's a runner, I'm a water sport guy) and then afterwards we just talked on her driveway for an hour. Made plans to go out to eat two more times, and we still have plans to watch 4 movies together, and other stuff.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:14 AM    (permalink
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Wow, i suck at taking advice guys. Her and I went running together today. (she's a runner, I'm a water sport guy) and then afterwards we just talked on her driveway for an hour. Made plans to go out to eat two more times, and we still have plans to watch 4 movies together, and other stuff.
Should have asked her if she wanted to shower with you after the run!
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Old 05-11-2010, 02:41 PM    (permalink
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Wow, i suck at taking advice guys. Her and I went running together today. (she's a runner, I'm a water sport guy) and then afterwards we just talked on her driveway for an hour. Made plans to go out to eat two more times, and we still have plans to watch 4 movies together, and other stuff.
The Archbishop is temporarily back and ready to school you fools!

There's nothing wrong with having a platonic friendship with a girl, but when you're using it as an excuse to try to date the girl, you're not doing her any favors. You are both using each other here. You are using her for the fantasy of "dating" her, even though you're not. She is using you for the attention and the security of having you around. Something's gotta give bc you're going to get hurt and will lash out at her. If you're completely okay with a friendship, keep working on it. However, it appears that you're in this rhythm of being her bf without any other benefits.

Easiest solution is to be direct with her and to come out with your feelings. Ask her for a proper date. If she says no, take 4-8 weeks ALONE. That means no IM, no text, no phone, no in person contact. Stay away from her, give yourself time to get over her, then you can maybe pursue a friendship.

Right now, you're not looking for a healthy, fulfilling relationship bc the one you think you are in feels safer. It is safe, but you're not going to be happy for much longer.
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Old 05-11-2010, 02:48 PM    (permalink
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Oh yeah that is what I told her. She is done with him. I am just confused about which card she is playing. I guess time will tell. I am awful with first moves, so hopefully it becomes obvious, because subtleties I do not pick up on.
She is probably playing the very obvious "I'm kind of over my ex, and I want low key, no risk contact with a male I trust to talk about it." card. She isn't really over him, but she wants to be. She wants your advice about how to get him to stop talking to her. Your advice should be plain and simple: don't enable the ex writing to you by not writing back/responding. Eventually, the guy will get the message.

This girl is not ready for dating just yet. She is probably wary about getting back out there. If she trusts you to this degree, you're prob not on her mind romantically. You have to shift that perception by being direct about it in the future. For now, just give her the advice and coach her into a state where she's ready to date again. When she says she's ready, then it's time for you to talk about how you want her.

In the interim, give her compliments and get her to think rationally and openly about what she wants. When she tells you what she wants, you can then position yourself to be that person. For instance, if she says, "I need someone mature...", you can counter with, "Yeah, I had that problem with my last relationship. I felt like I was a parent more than a bf." Relate to her on that level and be there, but without being selfish. When the time comes, you can pretty much make your intentions known. She might be receptive. No guarantee. Switching from friends to lovers isn't easy.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:55 AM    (permalink
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I lost my highschool crush a few years ago and I have no idea where she is at. She moved to Orlando or somewhere in that region and is married and I really miss her and the good times we had together. I feel like a #### for letting her go. So, I will only date girls that looks like her, has the same name, and likes the same team (Bucs). Because I could not have the good times with any girl that does not fit those attributes.
My question. Is this kind of insane in a way? I mean is this all right or too shallow?
My question is that
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:08 AM    (permalink
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I’m not sure what you are describing is really true. It seems like a far-fetched scenario, to be honest. However, I’ll try to figure this one out for you… I wouldn’t classify your situation as insanity, but I would call it irrational. You need to get over whatever you’re feeling here. It isn’t real. There are probably other traumatic events that have happened to you since that relationship, so you’re romanticizing what she actually meant in your life.


To me, what you are describing sounds like intense guilt over how you treated this girl. You’re chasing down what amounts to a fantasy. You are in love with the idea of what this other girl is, so you’re trying to find anyone who reminds you of her in order to fulfil a perceived hole in your life. Simply put: you aren’t over her, and you are creating a scenario in your head where she is exactly what you want. In order to satisfy your own fantasies and to try to resolve your own perceived guilt, you are trying to find a replica of what she was.

Let’s be clear here. The relationship in HS is long over, and the girl is out of your life. She has moved on, so it’s time for you to do the same. There’s nothing wrong with having a physical and personality type. However, you cannot shut down opportunities with others based on super rigid standards. You need to think about the things about your ex that made you happy and the things about her that made you unhappy. You also have to consider what you like and what you need. You cannot compromise on what you need, but you can change what you like. For instance, I like a girl with a nice round ass, but I need a girl who is independent and has her own life. Once you have these ideals put together, be open minded about who you meet and if she can really make you happy. If she can, pursue it with a clear and open mind. If she cannot, move on.

You might need to pursue some therapy and/or life coaching. You aren’t fully aware of what you’re feeling and why. That is simply called “staying present”. You are not currently “present” in these relationships, so when these feelings come around, you immediately look to the past instead of just staying with it and dealing. It is a skill that not everyone has. You just have to get to a place where you understand what you want and need and can act rationally to pursue those goals.
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:12 AM    (permalink
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Was she more like a Beauty Queen? From a movie scene?
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