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Old 08-23-2010, 10:19 PM    (permalink
Vikes99ej
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Haven't heard at all from her today and we had texted a while yesterday. Probably going to let go of the situation and just wait until the weekend and more bar/party shenanigans for the opportunity to meet some more people.
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:56 PM    (permalink
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Haven't heard at all from her today and we had texted a while yesterday. Probably going to let go of the situation and just wait until the weekend and more bar/party shenanigans for the opportunity to meet some more people.
Best way to do it dude. You never wanna give the girl too much, leave her wanting more everytime you guys talk. Some space between conversations is a good time for her to develop interest.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:50 PM    (permalink
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Alright guys, this is more of something I'm kind of venting on and just getting an opinion on then a problem I expect anyone, including myself, is going to be able to solve simply.

So last year was my freshman year in college and I became really really good friends with this girl around early October. She was in the middle of a relationship that had been going on since I believe was around the end of their junior year. Like I said across the next month or two leading into thanksgiving break she became my best friend at college. Over Christmas break she broke up with her boyfriend and me her started talking a whole hell of a lot more but by the time we were back from break she had made up with him (he went to a different school about a hour and a half-two hours away). So obviously me and her continued becoming friends and because her boyfriend was a ******* d-bag and the relationship wasn't good me and her consistently flirted around the dorm, meals, parties, whenever we hang out. So I started dating one of her friends for about 2 months but broke up with her at the end of the year before school started. Before we went home for summer she came to me, told me she liked me, and at the last party of the year she was hitting on me hard-core and we hooked up (neither of us were drunk).

Now over the summer me, her, and our other friend (the girl I dated) talked about what happened and she was completely okay with it saying that me and her had fun but we are still good friends are both over it. Now I visited her, she lives across the state, one weekend and it was pretty much like we were dating and then throughout the summer she consistently ran into her ex, had a **** load of work to do, and got a dance auditions she been waiting for for years. She decided that with all this she needed a break from guys, and at first it was just until after the audition, but then she decided that it would need to go back into the school year but that I was definitely still on her mind in a non-platonic way.

So we came back to school and we have hung out whenever we could at my apartment and yea this'll sound like whimp **** but we've basically just cuddled and just talked and watched movies and everything and she says she wants to do something but she just knows that right now she isn't ready to end her "boy fast". I guess all i'm asking for is some opinion on whether she really does, in your opinion on what i've told you, still think about me or if I'm back in the friend zone and it just isn't going to happen again. Thanks guys, sorry its a ******* novel and if i'm coming off just bitching about this kinda stuff.
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:59 PM    (permalink
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cuddling and no fooling around? friend zone.
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:48 PM    (permalink
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Agreed, friend zone.

I could use some advice. Girl going off to college, me staying local. Help.

**** like this scares me.

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So last year was my freshman year in college and I became really really good friends with this girl around early October. She was in the middle of a relationship that had been going on since I believe was around the end of their junior year. Like I said across the next month or two leading into thanksgiving break she became my best friend at college.
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:51 PM    (permalink
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I could use some advice. Girl going off to college, me staying local. Help.

**** like this scares me.
if you arent in the same city or you arent within like 20 minutes of her, then I would prepare for it to eventually end.
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:55 PM    (permalink
'cuse-213
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if you arent in the same city or you arent within like 20 minutes of her, then I would prepare for it to eventually end.
40 minutes, and yeah I agree. Haven't seen this kind of situation workout before
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:57 PM    (permalink
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Agreed, friend zone.

I could use some advice. Girl going off to college, me staying local. Help.

**** like this scares me.
So is she your girfriend or what?
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:00 PM    (permalink
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So is she your girfriend or what?
Yes sir, for only about 4 months I think, but shes so great. So we agreed to try and make it through these next 2 semesters
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:06 PM    (permalink
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cuddling and no fooling around? friend zone.
Like I said though, we've hooked up a bunch before but she hit all these problems over summer and now wants a break. It's still more than just friends but we aren't fooling around because of her break.
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:09 PM    (permalink
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Like I said though, we've hooked up a bunch before but she hit all these problems over summer and now wants a break. It's still more than just friends but we aren't fooling around because of her break.
Dude, I dont know what to tell you. You were hooking up and now you arent. She may say it's a break or some other ****, but if she liked you and wanted to be your boyfriend or whatever, you wouldnt be a cuddlewhore.
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:40 PM    (permalink
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40 minutes, and yeah I agree. Haven't seen this kind of situation workout before
It's worked out for me and a friend of mine before, both longer distance than that and both couples are heading into senior year of college. It's really tough though, the large majority of the time I know it doesn't work out. Just figured I'd throw it out there that sometimes it does though, 40 minutes isn't too bad either. I've had two hours to deal with and my buddy's in school in NJ and his girlfriend's down in Georgia. Both people in the relationship need to have the right kind of mentality and really work at it for it to work out though.

Not really trying to say you should or shouldn't do it, just something to think about as opposed to the typical "it never works out" that you'll get back. The majority of the time it doesn't, but if it's something that you're both willing to work at then it might.

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Old 08-24-2010, 07:51 PM    (permalink
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It's worked out for me and a friend of mine before, both longer distance than that and both couples are heading into senior year of college. It's really tough though, the large majority of the time I know it doesn't work out. Just figured I'd throw it out there that sometimes it does though, 40 minutes isn't too bad either. I've had two hours to deal with and my buddy's in school in NJ and his girlfriend's down in Georgia. Both people in the relationship need to have the right kind of mentality and really work at it for it to work out though.

Not really trying to say you should or shouldn't do it, just something to think about as opposed to the typical "it never works out" that you'll get back. The majority of the time it doesn't, but if it's something that you're both willing to work at then it might.
Good to hear. What would you say is the right mentality for it?
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Old 08-24-2010, 10:01 PM    (permalink
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Good to hear. What would you say is the right mentality for it?
I was in a long distance relationship before. Trust me once you see your buddies hooking up with chicks your going to want to do the same. I will tell you that you must have the mentality that this girl is special and there isn't another like her, just keep reminding yourself of that too keep you from cheating. I also have to tell you that long distance relationships are not for jealous or paranoid people. You can't be to on who she is hanging out with or what she is doing, because that will start drifting both of you apart from eachother, and communication is very key.
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Old 08-25-2010, 12:01 AM    (permalink
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OK, just for starters, I'd like to make everyone who reads this post privy to the fact that **** will get real in the following paragraphs. The anonymity of the boards is a true sanctuary for discussion like this and for those of you who know me outside SWDC, please promise to respect the fact that I don't want these feelings that I will express to be made public knowledge amongst my peers. Now, I know that this first paragraph makes it seem as if trouble is afoot, however, what will be expressed is strictly personal feelings.

Now, you know me. I'm Fischbowl. For those of you who don't, you should. I've been here five years. My giant reputation says people know me. To say the least I'm an individual, and the sense of myself is among the most important things to me. I am a young adult who lives in New York and am from Buffalo. I have a cat. I have a lot of good friends, some of who I trust in divulging this information to. I have a great job in my very specific chosen field. I also do stand-up and sketch comedy. I am a academic who attends a very prestigious university. I'm not one to enjoy a sober lifestyle. I smoke weed often and am considered a textbook alcoholic. I have a history of high anxiety. I have what I am afraid to call a "girlfriend", a girl who happens to be 500 miles away from me at most times and is in a different country. She works as a stripper, a profession which I've looked past. I like her a lot.

Firstly, I'm having trouble with giving her the title of a girlfriend. Due to our respective locations, we rarely see each other. We talk at length about every other day. I'm never sure whether or not she has the same feelings for me as I do for her, although her words ring sincere. We haven't consummated the relationship, mostly because I feel it would objectify her. It's difficult to say we're dating or even seeing each other, since we're not doing either. I went home this past weekend for three days and spent a full day with her. I wish I could have spent more time with her. It was really pleasant, a break from the rampant drinking I did the rest of the weekend. We went to the lake and the race track. It was probably one of the best days in recent memory. I really enjoy the time we spend together, there's just not enough of it.

Secondly, is her profession. I've grown to look the other way myself. It's her job, she's hot, she needs the money. She took advantage of a good situation, not necessarily an admirable situation, but a smart move on her part nonetheless. She works at an upscale club and the pay is pretty phenomenal. I don't blame her for that choice in her life. The problem with her profession lies with my family and friends. Those who have met her, love her, and those who haven't stereotype her. Among those is my mom, who I'm very close to. Quoting the first thing she said to me when I told her about the relationship was, "Don't get venereal disease". Those words were not sarcastic or in jest. I hate to say it, but I'm afraid my mom feels I made a bad decision by seeing her and is disappointed in me. My friends, because of her work, donít think sheís real enough or good for me. I donít like her because she works as a stripper. I derive no fascination from the fact that her job is erotic. However, all my friends believe that this is the only true reason that I'm with her. Since we're almost never together and I can't introduce her personally, how can I convince them that she really is a good person and that I truly care for the person, not the stripper?

Thirdly, is that I naturally feel inadequate. She's hot, too hot of a girl to be with me. I'm normal looking. I'm essentially a nerd. Girls are not interested in things I like. I have an extensive knowledge of baseball and I make my living off the sport. I am too old of a personality to be my age. I do things old people do like drink like classy liquor and smoke a pipe. I'm not an ideal mate for hot girls I'm trying to have sex with. She's opposite what I am. She's typical, gorgeous. What does she see in me? What separates her from the pack?

I'll leave it at this for now, there was more, this is a start though.
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Old 08-25-2010, 01:06 AM    (permalink
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Good to hear. What would you say is the right mentality for it?
I think it depends relationship to relationship, there's no right or wrong mentality completely. One of the major keys IMO is just having similar expectations for how things like how much you'll talk and visit are going to go. If you want to be social but she wants to talk every night or vice versa things aren't going to go so well, but if you both are comfortable with talking/visiting about the same amount it helps a lot.

For it to really work I think you have to actually want to visit for a weekend or talk and end up passing on some things that might seem more fun too. Going to see each other over weekends is important because you have to see each other, but even when we're not together my girlfriend and I are almost constantly communicating and I think we both like it that way. The other real key for me is that we're such close friends, which helps a lot. And you obviously both have to want it to work.

I'd definitely say the expectations thing is big though, because if you both want the same thing there it helps a lot.


Fisch, I'm not sure how things are with your family in your case, but I learned pretty recently that it wasn't in my best interest to care about what my family thought of who I chose to date. The cases aren't exactly the same, but it seems like you really like this girl and you're comfortable with things outside of being insecure about what others think and why she's interested in you. Your first set of concerns seem more legit than the other two, if you like each other **** whatever the people who haven't even met her think. Not like you're really serious right now either from what I can gather, I wouldn't get too caught up in all of that stuff.

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Old 08-25-2010, 03:53 AM    (permalink
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To fisch:

If her profession was never really an issue for you, but you knew that it does carry a stigma, why would you share this information with your family/friends if it has little relevance in your relationship?

For the last paragraph, i think you should not over-think the situation. Your anxiety problems are most likely getting the best of you here, because you're constantly thinking of how you aren't an adequate match for her. Your situation is extremely unique, given the circumstances you're in, but i'm gonna give you the most cliche response possible, only because it fits here.

Do what makes you happy.

It's a long distance relationship (regardless of whether you consider her your girlfriend). You obviously trust her enough to be okay with her being an exotic dancer, which is the #1 key for a long distance relationship. Now there's a chance that you're right, and you may be on a completely different level as far as personality goes, but if you truly enjoy yourself whenever you're with her, don't let that get in the way. It might be a good idea to keep things the way they are for now and see how everything progresses given more time. You might find that you're both caught in the wrong situation. But if you're having the time of your life when you're with her, i really don't see where the issue lies.
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Old 08-25-2010, 11:34 PM    (permalink
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I'm gonna do something tomorrow. I haven't heard anything from her all week since we texted on Sunday, but then again, it is the first week of classes here. Just gonna call and ask if she wants to hang out or something sometime this weekend.
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Old 08-26-2010, 01:29 AM    (permalink
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Don't do it.
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Old 08-26-2010, 08:43 AM    (permalink
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You can't just convince yourself that she is special, you have to feel it my man. But like someone said before, you're going to become jealous of your single friends, and don't think she won't as well.

I'm yet to see a situation like this work out, my best friend is trying it as well and he said he is prepared for the worst, good luck though my man.
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Old 08-26-2010, 02:00 PM    (permalink
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Don't do it.
Idk, I just feel like I should try something, if nothing happens, I have all weekend to go out and meet some new girls.

Still contemplating whether I should call her or start texting her with casual "hey how is your week going" stuff and then ask her if she wants to do something this weekend. I saw so many signs that it makes me hard to just sit around and wait, even if I haven't heard from here since like Sunday. Like I said, it's the first week of classes, and I know people are busy and stuff.
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Old 08-26-2010, 02:23 PM    (permalink
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Idk, I just feel like I should try something, if nothing happens, I have all weekend to go out and meet some new girls.

Still contemplating whether I should call her or start texting her with casual "hey how is your week going" stuff and then ask her if she wants to do something this weekend. I saw so many signs that it makes me hard to just sit around and wait, even if I haven't heard from here since like Sunday. Like I said, it's the first week of classes, and I know people are busy and stuff.
ask her if she does anal thats a pretty casual opener to text with i think.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:21 PM    (permalink
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Idk, I just feel like I should try something, if nothing happens, I have all weekend to go out and meet some new girls.

Still contemplating whether I should call her or start texting her with casual "hey how is your week going" stuff and then ask her if she wants to do something this weekend. I saw so many signs that it makes me hard to just sit around and wait, even if I haven't heard from here since like Sunday. Like I said, it's the first week of classes, and I know people are busy and stuff.
Text her with some casual stuff, and feel her out. You don't wanna be to forward with a call, just makes you look like you have been thinking about her all week.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:42 PM    (permalink
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OK, just for starters, I'd like to make everyone who reads this post privy to the fact that **** will get real in the following paragraphs. The anonymity of the boards is a true sanctuary for discussion like this and for those of you who know me outside SWDC, please promise to respect the fact that I don't want these feelings that I will express to be made public knowledge amongst my peers. Now, I know that this first paragraph makes it seem as if trouble is afoot, however, what will be expressed is strictly personal feelings.

Now, you know me. I'm Fischbowl. For those of you who don't, you should. I've been here five years. My giant reputation says people know me. To say the least I'm an individual, and the sense of myself is among the most important things to me. I am a young adult who lives in New York and am from Buffalo. I have a cat. I have a lot of good friends, some of who I trust in divulging this information to. I have a great job in my very specific chosen field. I also do stand-up and sketch comedy. I am a academic who attends a very prestigious university. I'm not one to enjoy a sober lifestyle. I smoke weed often and am considered a textbook alcoholic. I have a history of high anxiety. I have what I am afraid to call a "girlfriend", a girl who happens to be 500 miles away from me at most times and is in a different country. She works as a stripper, a profession which I've looked past. I like her a lot.

Firstly, I'm having trouble with giving her the title of a girlfriend. Due to our respective locations, we rarely see each other. We talk at length about every other day. I'm never sure whether or not she has the same feelings for me as I do for her, although her words ring sincere. We haven't consummated the relationship, mostly because I feel it would objectify her. It's difficult to say we're dating or even seeing each other, since we're not doing either. I went home this past weekend for three days and spent a full day with her. I wish I could have spent more time with her. It was really pleasant, a break from the rampant drinking I did the rest of the weekend. We went to the lake and the race track. It was probably one of the best days in recent memory. I really enjoy the time we spend together, there's just not enough of it.

Secondly, is her profession. I've grown to look the other way myself. It's her job, she's hot, she needs the money. She took advantage of a good situation, not necessarily an admirable situation, but a smart move on her part nonetheless. She works at an upscale club and the pay is pretty phenomenal. I don't blame her for that choice in her life. The problem with her profession lies with my family and friends. Those who have met her, love her, and those who haven't stereotype her. Among those is my mom, who I'm very close to. Quoting the first thing she said to me when I told her about the relationship was, "Don't get venereal disease". Those words were not sarcastic or in jest. I hate to say it, but I'm afraid my mom feels I made a bad decision by seeing her and is disappointed in me. My friends, because of her work, donít think sheís real enough or good for me. I donít like her because she works as a stripper. I derive no fascination from the fact that her job is erotic. However, all my friends believe that this is the only true reason that I'm with her. Since we're almost never together and I can't introduce her personally, how can I convince them that she really is a good person and that I truly care for the person, not the stripper?

Thirdly, is that I naturally feel inadequate. She's hot, too hot of a girl to be with me. I'm normal looking. I'm essentially a nerd. Girls are not interested in things I like. I have an extensive knowledge of baseball and I make my living off the sport. I am too old of a personality to be my age. I do things old people do like drink like classy liquor and smoke a pipe. I'm not an ideal mate for hot girls I'm trying to have sex with. She's opposite what I am. She's typical, gorgeous. What does she see in me? What separates her from the pack?

I'll leave it at this for now, there was more, this is a start though.
fisch, truly you are a brotha from a different motha. We are very similar in so many ways its troubling, and the fact that we don't communicate more is tragedy that I hope soon to rectify.

Regardless, I feel your pain in the "relationship" because I, myself, am in a similar boat in my current relationship. We've been together for 8 months and at casual glance things are going well. That being said my own anxieties and insecurities have cast the luminous doubt and clouds over the relationship. We see each other at minimum once a week, so that differs from your situation but even then that is not enough. She has no energy it seems around me, no interest in anything except lounging around and yet will complain that we don't do anything. She never is engaged in any conversation we have, with the exception of arguing, and then its not exactly the type of communication that is productive. I can be in the same room as her and yet feel 500 miles away.

I gave up my heavy drinking, it was my downfall and only made my situation in life worse. I'm a diagnosed manic depressive, my anxiety is through the roof more times then not, I haven't worked in months, a combination of the anxiety coupled with the recession, and the only vice that was effective in taking the edge off was smoking cigarettes which I gave up because of lack of funds, health benefits, and yes for her due to her Crohn's disease.

She went away on a camping trip 4 days ago and is returning at some point today, yet we haven't talked in any of that time due to no reception in the mountains and I am at my wits end. We had an argument prior to her departure, and while time allows her to move on past that and not hold a grudge, I can't help but think there is trouble amidst.

She is not exactly an open person, she holds everything within, she says its a combination of not being able to collect her thoughts proper and/or having no thoughts on basically any topic. She stresses about many of life situations, yet does nothing productive to get a handle on things in her control. Her friends are not supportive of the relationship at all, and coincidentally she has spent the last four days with the exact friends who harp on her about us being together.

Sorry that I turned this reply into my own current issues, that was not my intent. For you brotha, all I can say is that if you feel in your heart its worth it then make it happen. Love, in its purest form, is in fact blind. You are witty, charming, and funny and those items are what is indeed all that matter in matters of the heart.

I don't know what else to say, do, ask, or vent about. Anything in response will and would be appreciated.


Sincerely,


A lost soul in a sea of misery and despair
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On another note, Nicklas Backstrom is amazingly good.
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Meanwhile, in hockey the other night, the Washington Capitals' Eric Belanger gets hit with a stick, loses EIGHT teeth, has an instant root canal in the locker room, comes back out and PLAYS and never says boo.

So new rule, NBA: Unless you have a root canal at halftime, SHUT UP AND PLAY!
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:50 PM    (permalink
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fisch, truly you are a brotha from a different motha. We are very similar in so many ways its troubling, and the fact that we don't communicate more is tragedy that I hope soon to rectify.

Regardless, I feel your pain in the "relationship" because I, myself, am in a similar boat in my current relationship. We've been together for 8 months and at casual glance things are going well. That being said my own anxieties and insecurities have cast the luminous doubt and clouds over the relationship. We see each other at minimum once a week, so that differs from your situation but even then that is not enough. She has no energy it seems around me, no interest in anything except lounging around and yet will complain that we don't do anything. She never is engaged in any conversation we have, with the exception of arguing, and then its not exactly the type of communication that is productive. I can be in the same room as her and yet feel 500 miles away.

I gave up my heavy drinking, it was my downfall and only made my situation in life worse. I'm a diagnosed manic depressive, my anxiety is through the roof more times then not, I haven't worked in months, a combination of the anxiety coupled with the recession, and the only vice that was effective in taking the edge off was smoking cigarettes which I gave up because of lack of funds, health benefits, and yes for her due to her Crohn's disease.

She went away on a camping trip 4 days ago and is returning at some point today, yet we haven't talked in any of that time due to no reception in the mountains and I am at my wits end. We had an argument prior to her departure, and while time allows her to move on past that and not hold a grudge, I can't help but think there is trouble amidst.

She is not exactly an open person, she holds everything within, she says its a combination of not being able to collect her thoughts proper and/or having no thoughts on basically any topic. She stresses about many of life situations, yet does nothing productive to get a handle on things in her control. Her friends are not supportive of the relationship at all, and coincidentally she has spent the last four days with the exact friends who harp on her about us being together.

Sorry that I turned this reply into my own current issues, that was not my intent. For you brotha, all I can say is that if you feel in your heart its worth it then make it happen. Love, in its purest form, is in fact blind. You are witty, charming, and funny and those items are what is indeed all that matter in matters of the heart.

I don't know what else to say, do, ask, or vent about. Anything in response will and would be appreciated.


Sincerely,


A lost soul in a sea of misery and despair
Yup, you've got storm clouds on the horizon. Truth be told, the only reason I think you're even with her is because you've developed a dependency on her through your tough time. She sounds boring, stupid (having no thoughts on anything? Come on...), lacks any sort of common sense or motivation, and there seems to be little to no communication between you two. Stop putting the ***** on a pedastal, and flip the tables and break up with her before she does it to you. Because I guarantee that's what you're in for after her being friends who don't approve of your relationship for four days with no contact from you.
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