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Old 09-27-2013, 07:27 AM    (permalink
BaLLiN
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So I texted her and asked her how she was feeling, and she said she was okay just stiff, sore, and bruised. I told her im glad shes alive. And she responded shes been paranoid to be in a car and a lot of bad in the past week and a half ( i broke up with her a week and a half ago) has made her emotional, that she cries a lot. She also said she has a lot shes been dealing with, so between the three (paranoid to be in the car, breakup, and nightmares? idk what three shes referring to) she said shes struggling.

She said she was glad to be a live and not injured, i said that shes blessed to be able to walk away from an accident like that. she said it doesn't make it easy to deal with though, then asked how I am. I responded that I was just a little tired and have a cough (i don't think its a good idea to talk about how i feel about our breakup, especially through text). and she said still? because I had had it since 2 weeks ago and then she talked about how she was tired too, also because she has to wake up early to student teach.

I didn't respond for awhile so I figure she thought i wasn't going to and said thanks for asking how she was, and to have a good weekend doing whatever i have going on, goodnight. I replied saying what I used to say every night "goodnight sweet dreams (name)" and then she said thanks (name) you too.

Because I realized she still probably wanted to talk, i added that i miss talking to her (probably shouldnt have), but this morning she said she misses talking to me too. But her next message got me a little down. She said she would be at school to meet with a profesor at 1230 and that she could get her stuff from my house so I don't have to worry about it anymore or her trying to get our mutual friend to get it for her. Shes picking up her shampoo, toiletries, a sweatshirt, and an envelope with all of her letters she addressed to her ex which I had taken because she had told me she had gotten rid of it but never did. She told me the day after we broke up that she wanted it back so she could finally do what she needed to do with it. But I don't feel ok giving it back, also I want to give back a shirt that she gave me to wear (that was hers) some cups that she had bought for my house, and a cup of sprinkles that I had gotten for her.

What do you guys think?
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Old 09-27-2013, 08:49 AM    (permalink
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I think you should give back whatever you want to give back, throw away whatever she won't take, and move on with your life. I know she was in a car accident but it isn't like she is dying or even that hurt, and you aren't her only friend and you aren't her boyfriend. She's not your girlfriend. I know you know that and it is good you didn't just go back to her to make her feel better but your are still emotionally supporting her like you two are together.
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Old 09-27-2013, 08:57 AM    (permalink
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There's this one broad I know, I would drag my balls through 10 miles of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie.
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The end. Cut to black. Audience goes ****ing ape****.
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Old 09-27-2013, 09:10 AM    (permalink
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Ballin is on track to get sucked right back in here. Do not do it, sir.
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Old 09-27-2013, 10:20 AM    (permalink
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I meant okay with my farts. She's not farting, duh.
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Old 09-27-2013, 11:30 AM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by BaLLiN View Post
So I texted her and asked her how she was feeling, and she said she was okay just stiff, sore, and bruised. I told her im glad shes alive. And she responded shes been paranoid to be in a car and a lot of bad in the past week and a half ( i broke up with her a week and a half ago) has made her emotional, that she cries a lot. She also said she has a lot shes been dealing with, so between the three (paranoid to be in the car, breakup, and nightmares? idk what three shes referring to) she said shes struggling.

She said she was glad to be a live and not injured, i said that shes blessed to be able to walk away from an accident like that. she said it doesn't make it easy to deal with though, then asked how I am. I responded that I was just a little tired and have a cough (i don't think its a good idea to talk about how i feel about our breakup, especially through text). and she said still? because I had had it since 2 weeks ago and then she talked about how she was tired too, also because she has to wake up early to student teach.

I didn't respond for awhile so I figure she thought i wasn't going to and said thanks for asking how she was, and to have a good weekend doing whatever i have going on, goodnight. I replied saying what I used to say every night "goodnight sweet dreams (name)" and then she said thanks (name) you too.

Because I realized she still probably wanted to talk, i added that i miss talking to her (probably shouldnt have), but this morning she said she misses talking to me too. But her next message got me a little down. She said she would be at school to meet with a profesor at 1230 and that she could get her stuff from my house so I don't have to worry about it anymore or her trying to get our mutual friend to get it for her. Shes picking up her shampoo, toiletries, a sweatshirt, and an envelope with all of her letters she addressed to her ex which I had taken because she had told me she had gotten rid of it but never did. She told me the day after we broke up that she wanted it back so she could finally do what she needed to do with it. But I don't feel ok giving it back, also I want to give back a shirt that she gave me to wear (that was hers) some cups that she had bought for my house, and a cup of sprinkles that I had gotten for her.

What do you guys think?
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I think you should give back whatever you want to give back, throw away whatever she won't take, and move on with your life. I know she was in a car accident but it isn't like she is dying or even that hurt, and you aren't her only friend and you aren't her boyfriend. She's not your girlfriend. I know you know that and it is good you didn't just go back to her to make her feel better but your are still emotionally supporting her like you two are together.
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Ballin is on track to get sucked right back in here. Do not do it, sir.

Kill and Rob are exactly right. Walk away and keep your distance. Delete her from social media and your phone. Make a clean break. You need your space, and you can't be dragged back in. If it wasn't for the accident, you never would have been in touch with her. As sucky as it might be, you need to get away.

Your heart will fight it, and you will convince yourself that it is okay. It is not okay. You broke up with her for a reason. She was unreliable, not trustworthy, and she didn't meet your wants or needs. People don't change. The only opportunity you have to improve yourself as a person and move on is to actually move on
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Old 09-27-2013, 01:22 PM    (permalink
BaLLiN
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I gave her her stuff back, we talked for awhile, not about us but about the car crash. And about how I went to see her in the ER. Theres a festival in the city we live in she said she wanted to see me at later tonight, and that when i talk to my friend about how he is doing the same thing she did to me, if i wanted to talk to her about it later she was willing to listen
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Old 09-27-2013, 02:43 PM    (permalink
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I would avoid her. Break it off completely for at least 6 weeks. If, after the 6 weeks of no contact and such, you really want to see her again, go for it. You need to give yourself space and time to heal. Don't go to the festival. Find anything else to do
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:10 AM    (permalink
BaLLiN
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BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.BaLLiN is kind of a big deal around here, people know him.
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Well I went to the festival, I thought itd be okay. I saw her, she was with her parents and her dad talked to me a lot about random stuff. I didn't really talk to her much, but my friends left and I got a ride back to school with her and her parents again.

She texted me later saying that she was glad she saw me, I told her I was glad too and then what I used to say to her "goodnight sweet dreams", she answered goodnight sleep well, and I woke up thinking of how dumb i am. I pretty much did something I would do if I was dating her still, but Im not. Its hard because I really just want to be with her minus her talking to him or being friends with him at all.

She texted my best friend and home all about this and he said literally everything that I would say but in a more deductive and strategic way. She told him that she hasn't talked to her ex in a week, and my friend said then why do you need to talk to him at all? If you aren't keeping him as a backup, and he isnt really a good friend to you, then it shouldnt be hard, right? I think that made her upset because she didnt get him to side with her, and she said that she is just ******** and needs to fix it all, but she hasn't yet. I don't think I am going to talk to her today, but I just don't know how
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:26 AM    (permalink
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Just stop talking to her, dude. I understand that it is easier said than done, but christ.....this is a textbook scenario right here.
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:29 AM    (permalink
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Just stop talking to her, dude. I understand that it is easier said than done, but christ.....this is a textbook scenario right here.
but what good will come out of that? that will allow her time to get over me, and maybe even if she still is talking to him, back to wanting to be with him.

I don't see a good path at all in this
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:32 AM    (permalink
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but what good will come out of that? that will allow her time to get over me, and maybe even if she still is talking to him, back to wanting to be with him.

I don't see a good path at all in this
Who cares? That is not your problem to worry about.
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:35 AM    (permalink
BaLLiN
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Who cares? That is not your problem to worry about.
it is when you love someone
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:42 AM    (permalink
Rob S
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Love her or not, you have to do what is best for your life and stop meddling in hers. If you continue to do so, you're going to get caught in an awful middle ground where both of you are miserable.

You're well on your way to the dreaded relationship that both parties swear isn't a relationship just because they aren't banging anymore.
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Old 09-30-2013, 11:15 AM    (permalink
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Love her or not, you have to do what is best for your life and stop meddling in hers. If you continue to do so, you're going to get caught in an awful middle ground where both of you are miserable.

You're well on your way to the dreaded relationship that both parties swear isn't a relationship just because they aren't banging anymore.
This. You need separation for at least a month to come to terms with what you actually want and need from this chick. She has proven herself untrustworthy, and she made you miserable. I have been there. You are glamorizing what your relationship was because you want to hang on and are afraid of the unknown. You have to let this go and get out of sight of this chick and her family.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:02 PM    (permalink
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So I have a question. My girlfriend has a problem with one of her exes that won't leave her alone. He keeps messaging her on facebook and she keeps ignoring/ telling him to leave her alone. It has been going on for almost 4 months now. She asked me this morning if he continues to harass her if I could step in and say something to him.

What would I say in this case? Something along the lines of "it makes girlfriend and I feel uncomfortable when you message her and both she and I would appreciate it if you would stop."?

It's not that it really bothers me that he is talking to her, she has made it pretty clear that she does not want him bothering her (he also has her phone number and has received text messages from him). I do honestly think that he is trying to make amends with her and seek forgiveness, but she doesn't want to forgive him after what he did to her. Especially considering that every time this sort of thing happens and she gives in and sees him it escalates to something more physical (she has never cheated on me), but this guy is persistent.

Any ideas/ advice on what to say?
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:05 PM    (permalink
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If it's escalating at all (even if she hasn't cheated on you yet) then you need to let her go.

Nothing but trouble. And I'm sure she's only telling you half the story. A guy doesn't text you for 4 months persistently if you don't respond from time to time.

She's putting on the innocent routine when maybe she's not as innocent as she's making herself out to be. You should find more answers before you step in on her behalf.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:08 PM    (permalink
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If it's escalating at all (even if she hasn't cheated on you yet) then you need to let her go.

Nothing but trouble. And I'm sure she's only telling you half the story. A guy doesn't text you for 4 months persistently if you don't respond from time to time.

She's putting on the innocent routine when maybe she's not as innocent as she's making herself out to be. You should find more answers before you step in on her behalf.
no, it escalated with him in the past, before her and I were dating. She has always been up front and honest about any other guy that she has, or has had dealings with. She is always 100% okay with me reading what she says back and what he says to her. I know he is persistent because she had me read a conversation with him (again, before her and I even knew eachother), where it did escalate and he would not give up.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:10 PM    (permalink
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no, it escalated with him in the past, before her and I were dating. She has always been up front and honest about any other guy that she has, or has had dealings with. She is always 100% okay with me reading what she says back and what he says to her. I know he is persistent because she had me read a conversation with him (again, before her and I even knew eachother), where it did escalate and he would not give up.
Oh ok. That's good.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:12 PM    (permalink
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Oh ok. That's good.
so back to my original question, what should I say to the guy?
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:15 PM    (permalink
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so back to my original question, what should I say to the guy?
I would be nice. And if he continues then you have to be more stern. But don't be the tough guy bf right out of the gate.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:20 PM    (permalink
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I would agree. Maybe not "nice", but business-like. Don't threaten him or anything stupid like that. Just lay out the situation clearly. She's made it clear she wants nothing to do with him, and it isn't important to her that he wants to make amends. She isn't interested. She doesn't need to be made amends with, she doesn't have to forgive him or accept his apology or hear him out. He is acting selfishly and if he's really sorry and wants to "make it up to her", he can show that by leaving her alone because that is what she wants.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:28 PM    (permalink
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If it's escalating at all (even if she hasn't cheated on you yet) then you need to let her go.

Nothing but trouble. And I'm sure she's only telling you half the story. A guy doesn't text you for 4 months persistently if you don't respond from time to time.

She's putting on the innocent routine when maybe she's not as innocent as she's making herself out to be. You should find more answers before you step in on her behalf.
That was my first thought. No way would this guy continue messaging her for 4 months if she either ignores or tells him to leave her alone every time. She's hiding something.

And if she did just ignore him everytime, why would it be an issue? Just continue ignoring.
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Old 09-30-2013, 02:55 PM    (permalink
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i'm pretty sure you can block people on facebook and if you have ios 7 you can block numbers now on an iphone. problem solved.
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Old 09-30-2013, 02:59 PM    (permalink
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i'm pretty sure you can block people on facebook and if you have ios 7 you can block numbers now on an iphone. problem solved.
Yeah. Which makes me wonder.
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