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Old 12-17-2013, 11:19 PM    (permalink
RCAChainGang
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Originally Posted by JoeJoeBrown View Post
I dunno about the rest of that, but I am leery of any woman that hangs out on a regular basis with her ex. He's either *** or she still has feelings for him.
Well she works with him and she is new to the university so she kind of needs the friend group he is a part of I guess.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:21 PM    (permalink
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Yeah, man. Definitely pursue women while she is working thru whatever she has to. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. And don't even hang out with her if you can't help falling for her, because it is looking like friend zone.

If this is a recurring thing though, my advice would be to make your intentions clear earlier on....if you don't kiss a girl by the end of the 2nd date/ a girl won't let you kiss her by the second date, it generally bodes very poorly. In my/ my friends' experiences anyway.
Well I held hands with her (weak sauce I know) and told her I was interested after the first date. After a couple of scattered hangouts I had this DTR before break.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:23 PM    (permalink
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Well I held hands with her (weak sauce I know) and told her I was interested after the first date. After a couple of scattered hangouts I had this DTR before break.
I feel like you are going about the DTR process incorrectly. One of the rules I live by is, "when in doubt, kiss the girl." It applies both to hooking up and in being the ultimate litmus test of whether or not a girl you like is into you.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:24 PM    (permalink
JoeJoeBrown
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Well I held hands with her (weak sauce I know) and told her I was interested after the first date. After a couple of scattered hangouts I had this DTR before break.
Sounds like a total friend zone thing.

Women want a strong, assertive guy. I'd follow Rob's advice, if things don't advance towards at least a nice strong kiss/makeout session by the second date, then move on and if she is curious, state why without being a pig.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:26 PM    (permalink
RCAChainGang
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I feel like you are going about the DTR process incorrectly. One of the rules I live by is, "when in doubt, kiss the girl."
Well I never wanted to push myself onto her. I have a lot of respect for her and I want the best for her. I felt like it would be best to honestly ask her how she felt. And in responce she is still working out how she feels. The "for now" comment made me feel like something could still happen. Although, I plan to spend next semester pursuing other people and losing myself in work because that always make me feel better (but really).
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:27 PM    (permalink
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Also, for me....hand holding is pretty damn intimate. That would creep me out on a first date....far more than a makeout session.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:28 PM    (permalink
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Also, for me....hand holding is pretty damn intimate. That would creep me out on a first date....far more than a makeout session.
Nothing wrong with hand holding. It can be intimate or not.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:30 PM    (permalink
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Well I never wanted to push myself onto her. I have a lot of respect for her and I want the best for her. I felt like it would be best to honestly ask her how she felt. And in responce she is still working out how she feels. The "for now" comment made me feel like something could still happen. Although, I plan to spend next semester pursuing other people and losing myself in work because that always make me feel better (but really).
I gotcha and it makes sense. It really does. Women should want a nice guy that wants to hear them out. In actuality, they want to find out you're nice later. From my experience, talking to women about how they feel is a terrible idea, especially in a first date scenario. If you think you like her, I'd nut up and make a play. At the very least, you have balls and she can politely push you away, but you have made your intentions clear and know that this isn't the girl for you.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:30 PM    (permalink
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Nothing wrong with hand holding. It can be intimate or not.
Well she responded well to it and we cuddled and watched a movie. I just wanted to save kissing for someone I'm intimate with. Maybe I'm just weird.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:31 PM    (permalink
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Nothing wrong with hand holding. It can be intimate or not.
Eh....it's a thing that bothers me. If you see me walking with a woman holding hands, I'm at least somewhat emotionally invested. Or super drunk.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:33 PM    (permalink
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Well she responded well to it and we cuddled and watched a movie. I just wanted to save kissing for someone I'm intimate with. Maybe I'm just weird.
Look at it from her perspective though. You held hands and then cuddled and watched a movie. She was expecting a kiss and this very well may be where her latest communication is coming from.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:35 PM    (permalink
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I gotcha and it makes sense. It really does. Women should want a nice guy that wants to hear them out. In actuality, they want to find out you're nice later. From my experience, talking to women about how they feel is a terrible idea, especially in a first date scenario. If you think you like her, I'd nut up and make a play. At the very least, you have balls and she can politely push you away, but you have made your intentions clear and know that this isn't the girl for you.
We have had a lot of fun but her job made it difficult to get a full date in. We had several just hangouts (I guess I wouldn't call them a full date). Between class and both of out jobs it was hard to find time the past couple of weeks. So we have spent a good amount of time around each other and even in class. So I guess I thought it would be better to ask her how she feels. When I brought up how she felt she said she was so relieved that I did because she wanted to talk about it. (sorry I missed some details in my first explanation)
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:36 PM    (permalink
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:37 PM    (permalink
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:42 PM    (permalink
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Look at it from her perspective though. You held hands and then cuddled and watched a movie. She was expecting a kiss and this very well may be where her latest communication is coming from.
Well, knowing what I know now, if I had just come off a long relationship then maybe I would be relieved that I don't have to worry about a new pushy guy.

You are probably right though. I should just go in for the kiss next time.

Edit: and the hand holding was in private not public. Like in the car.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:45 PM    (permalink
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I just want to have sex, seriously its been too long. My other options of having sex are enticing, but not without emotional attachment by them making me feel like an asshole.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:46 PM    (permalink
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I just want to have sex, seriously its been too long. My other options of having sex are enticing, but not without emotional attachment by them making me feel like an asshole.
If you have sex, you're 100% getting back in the relationship. Or you're going to crush her and her family all over again if you hit and quit. Sorry, man....awful idea all around.

You're in college right? Just, like, go to the college bar and talk to drunk chicks.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:47 PM    (permalink
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**** me man, **** me.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:48 PM    (permalink
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**** me man, **** me.
Have you hung out with the other girl you said you were going to hangout with yet?

#8?

Although it probably isn't a good idea to pursue sex with a new person.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:50 PM    (permalink
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If you have sex, you're 100% getting back in the relationship. Or you're going to crush her and her family all over again if you hit and quit. Sorry, man....awful idea all around.
why is it 100%? I mean she should fully understand that she isn't going to be my girlfriend anytime in the near future with how she treated me and my mother wouldn't let her in my house if she tried.

I do recognize its a bad idea though, she's just so tempting because we had such a good sexual relationship.
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Old 12-17-2013, 11:55 PM    (permalink
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why is it 100%? I mean she should fully understand that she isn't going to be my girlfriend anytime in the near future with how she treated me and my mother wouldn't let her in my house if she tried.

I do recognize its a bad idea though, she's just so tempting because we had such a good sexual relationship.
It's either relationship or horrendous emotional pain for her. Those are the only options I see. Do you not recognize that she is trying to bait you into a commitment through sex?
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:01 AM    (permalink
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Wanted to DTR before break. This girl I'm talking to said she really enjoys me and still wants to hang out but she works and is in a friend group with her ex that she had for 2 years. She isn't into him or anything but she just needs time to regroup.

I said that is fine and we can just be friends and she quickly responded "for now". She still wants to hang out with me one on one she just said she needs time to consider her situation.

I am new to relationships. I rarely have ever made it to commitment because I screw something up or the girl I finally find isn't into to me. Should I give up on this one? I was thinking I can still hang out with her in low pressure situations and work on our friendships to where she feels comfortable. I guess that is the friend zone route though right?

I don't know guys. Sounds like she still wants to toy with the idea of being together but wants to take a step back for now. It sucks but it helps me solidify how I feel too.

Overall any advice? How long should I hold out hope for this girl? Should I pursue others in the meantime? Feel free to pm me if you want. I just don't have much experience. This girl is different and I always have a great time but I might have just caught her at a bad time due to her past relationship.

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Well I never wanted to push myself onto her. I have a lot of respect for her and I want the best for her. I felt like it would be best to honestly ask her how she felt. And in responce she is still working out how she feels. The "for now" comment made me feel like something could still happen. Although, I plan to spend next semester pursuing other people and losing myself in work because that always make me feel better (but really).
Honestly, its called "the rope". I do believe that this girl is in a transition phase of her status and its best not to touch that at all. That will be a remembrance of him in recovery. Kissing her and being assertive, or doing anything won't change that. Be okay with being friends with her, flake on her for lesser things, but for important stuff make sure you're there.

Without a doubt go date other girls, don't keep her in the back of your mind. She's not an option, and if I were to say its a possibility in the future that would only give you hope. I agree with other people here saying stuff about being assertive, but girls are variable and the one trait that girls like is chasing (even if they like to put forth that they aren't). Like what I have found out is that you can make yourself a hot commodity by dating around (spending time with other girls), being honest, and not over thinking a relationship.

I am not saying I am not guilty of over thinking, my ex knows how to press my buttons and I am trying to mentally combat that while also being open to possibilities. As for #8, I will be seeing her tomorrow but Idk where its going. Goodluck man, you can do it.
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:04 AM    (permalink
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It's either relationship or horrendous emotional pain for her. Those are the only options I see. Do you not recognize that she is trying to bait you into a commitment through sex?
Alright I typed something really asshole-ish before I realized I don't want to be that guy. I'm still not going to stop talking to her, I don't think its bad based on the principles that it didn't work before because I had feelings for her not allowing me to feel okay even kissing other girls, and secondly because it allows me to see her as a person, not something that I was chasing for so long.
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:28 AM    (permalink
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Alright I typed something really asshole-ish before I realized I don't want to be that guy. I'm still not going to stop talking to her, I don't think its bad based on the principles that it didn't work before because I had feelings for her not allowing me to feel okay even kissing other girls, and secondly because it allows me to see her as a person, not something that I was chasing for so long.
Like I said, we can say anything but this one is open and shut at this point. It's more a matter of when as opposed to if.

Over/Under Dec 31, 2013?
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:43 AM    (permalink
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Like I said, we can say anything but this one is open and shut at this point. It's more a matter of when as opposed to if.

Over/Under Dec 31, 2013?
im gunna give myself over because I live over an hour and a half away and we're in between semesters
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