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Old 02-10-2014, 02:18 PM    (permalink
killxswitch
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most of my friends have jobs, kids, school...

I moved to this city a bit ago because of the GF, now I am stuck having to drive 1+hr to meet up with any of my friends
Why are you stuck? What is tying you to the area?
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Old 02-10-2014, 02:38 PM    (permalink
BufFan71
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Why are you stuck? What is tying you to the area?
severe lack of money...
One great thing about the relationship ending is that I can finally pay off my credit card debt
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Old 02-10-2014, 02:41 PM    (permalink
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:06 PM    (permalink
badgerbacker
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
Nothing wrong with it. I'd say the biggest potential downside is potential judgement from your families.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:11 PM    (permalink
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
I wouldn't not live with a girlfriend before popping the question. What if I hate living with her? That's something that I'd like to know before I get married/engaged.

I can understand the judgement from families thing, but that's never been an issue for me.

Last edited by WCH : 02-10-2014 at 03:14 PM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:11 PM    (permalink
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
The dating experts say that if you live with your significant other before getting married your marriage is more likely to end in divorce. But I call BS on that and say that you need to figure out if you can handle living with your significant other before you marry them. It's definitely one of those "make or break" moments of the relationship, and it is a big change. But if you're right for each other it will work out.
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:15 PM    (permalink
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
A lot of people dont do it for religious reasons around here but I see why you would want to. Are you doing it for $ reasons?
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:25 PM    (permalink
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A lot of people dont do it for religious reasons around here but I see why you would want to. Are you doing it for $ reasons?
I was just wondering. My girlfriend and I have been together for a while and I've been trying to get her to move into my place for a while now but she hasn't.

I'm asking because while I'd love to live with her, a part of me feels like if we are living together, it'd drag out the proccess and I won't end up asking her for a while. But I don't know. I'm trying within the next year. It is a big deal to me and kind of a deal breaker since she'll be out of school and have a full time job.
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:44 PM    (permalink
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The dating experts say that if you live with your significant other before getting married your marriage is more likely to end in divorce. But I call BS on that and say that you need to figure out if you can handle living with your significant other before you marry them. It's definitely one of those "make or break" moments of the relationship, and it is a big change. But if you're right for each other it will work out.
This. You learn the most about the other person by living with them.
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:53 PM    (permalink
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How do you guys feel about living with gf before popping the question?
If you love her then you don't need to.

If you're just having fun, then call it what it is and make sure she knows how you really feel about it.

If you're unsure of how much you like her then it will probably turn out badly because you'll be looking for the negatives.
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Old 02-10-2014, 05:41 PM    (permalink
Hines
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If you love her then you don't need to.

If you're just having fun, then call it what it is and make sure she knows how you really feel about it.

If you're unsure of how much you like her then it will probably turn out badly because you'll be looking for the negatives.
We're at the stage where we've talked about marriage. So it isn't a fling type thing.
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Old 02-10-2014, 06:52 PM    (permalink
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If you love her then you don't need to.

If you're just having fun, then call it what it is and make sure she knows how you really feel about it.

If you're unsure of how much you like her then it will probably turn out badly because you'll be looking for the negatives.
I think you're right to a point, but I mostly disagree with you. Sorry D. Dating and marriage isn't what it used to be, and divorce happens because of lack of communication or lack of compatibility with the person you're living with. There are things that you may not like about someone that you don't know about until you actually live with them. That's why I think it is better to live with someone, for at least 6 months before you just jump into an engagement/ marriage.

I'm in the same boat as Hines right now, been dating a girl for a year, neither of us are ready to commit but we think we are right for each other and want to take our relationship a step further. We are planning on living under the same roof as each other, but not sharing a bedroom for now. Obviously, she can come sleep in my bed whenever she wants, but it gives us the opportunity to get away from the other one if we are upset with each other or whatever. We are going to live with two other people for the time being.

Both her and I have recognized that this could potentially ruin our relationship, but we both also love each other a lot and want the relationship to work, that alone leads me to believe that we will be fine and this will only strengthen our relationship. But who knows? The only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes. If after a year we are still happy with each other/ still dating, then it is our plan to rent our own place together and share a bedroom.

Just to give you some insight, Hines. Just make sure you and your girlfriend can communicate well, and set up obvious boundaries.
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Old 02-11-2014, 01:30 AM    (permalink
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Hey look if you're not interested anymore you can just tell me
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I am. Like, honestly, I am. But I'm a logical fun-ruiner who can only think about the fact that we graduate soon and I'm moving to a different state so I purposefully try to distance myself because I'm afraid to get too attached and then miss you all the time
I've had a year long on-again off-again relationship with this girl. Every time we were starting to get really close she'd pull back completely and we'd be off, before it would start back up a month or so later. Took this ******* long, but finally I got an explanation as to why. We later agreed to completely put an end to it. It sucks because we both really do like each other a lot. In different circumstances I think it could have worked out great. I'm so ******* glad to finally have an answer though so I can finally move on. All the uncertainty and crap has really ****** me up emotionally over the past year. At the same time it's been kind of tough to get over her, but I know it'll be great to not have to think about that **** constantly.

I'm going to give it some time obviously, but is it still ok to be friends after that? Not like hang out all the time and lots of texting. But like see her maybe a couple more times before the semester ends, and then keep in touch when we go our separate ways? We were friends before all that started and she is one of the few friends I truly care about. I know I can move on, but I don't think I'll ever stop caring about her.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:36 AM    (permalink
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Definitely be friends with her. Now that you know nothing is going to come of it then you can move on and just be friends with her, but don't let anything physical happen cause it's just going to **** with both of your emotions. Neither of you need that right now. Move on, find someone who you like that is just as good or better than her.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:40 AM    (permalink
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The dating experts say that if you live with your significant other before getting married your marriage is more likely to end in divorce. But I call BS on that and say that you need to figure out if you can handle living with your significant other before you marry them. It's definitely one of those "make or break" moments of the relationship, and it is a big change. But if you're right for each other it will work out.
What kind of logic did they use to draw that conclusion?
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:40 AM    (permalink
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Definitely be friends with her. Now that you know nothing is going to come of it then you can move on and just be friends with her, but don't let anything physical happen cause it's just going to **** with both of your emotions. Neither of you need that right now. Move on, find someone who you like that is just as good or better than her.
I second this
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:45 AM    (permalink
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What kind of logic did they use to draw that conclusion?
I've seen that before and it's based on statistics or something. I think they're overlooking the possibility that people who don't live together before marriage are perhaps also the type of people who are more likely to stay in bad marriages.
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:57 AM    (permalink
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Yea there's no way I'm proposing to a chick without living with her first.
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Old 02-11-2014, 11:08 AM    (permalink
WCH
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Yeah, I wouldn't either. Like I said earlier, what if I just don't like living with her? Marriage, done wrong, is an expensive mistake.
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Old 02-11-2014, 02:30 PM    (permalink
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Yea there's no way I'm proposing to a chick without living with her first.
I agree with you 100%. And I am the exact same way. but it is what the dating and marriage experts say.

I hate citing this, but eHarmony has an article that makes that logic that you questioned to make sense.

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2013/07.../#.Uvp58rRChI0
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Old 02-11-2014, 05:36 PM    (permalink
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Definitely be friends with her. Now that you know nothing is going to come of it then you can move on and just be friends with her, but don't let anything physical happen cause it's just going to **** with both of your emotions. Neither of you need that right now. Move on, find someone who you like that is just as good or better than her.
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I second this
Good. That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking, I just wanted some confirmation.
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Old 02-11-2014, 06:57 PM    (permalink
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That feeling when one of your exes is a complete cow on FB and you realize it's been 5 years and that 20 pounds a year isn't even that much to gain.
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Old 02-11-2014, 07:18 PM    (permalink
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Splitting the cost of a 1 BR is so massive in NYC. Moving in after ~1 year is just the thing you do.
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Old 02-12-2014, 03:05 AM    (permalink
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Bitches be dumb.

My female friend asked me if I wanted to come over after work and I said sure, but I wanted to pop over to my place for ~10 minutes first.

"Oh, nevermind... I'll just call you tomorrow and we can get lunch or something."

THE ****???????? Bitches be dumb.

(not looking for advice, just confirming what some of our younger viewers may not already know)

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That feeling when one of your exes is a complete cow on FB and you realize it's been 5 years and that 20 pounds a year isn't even that much to gain.
I've seen two of my exes (who were both 7+s) after ~5+ years on facebook... and damn. I'm glad both are married now or they may have had to sell themselves as mail order brides... on clearance. I just can't understand how people let themselves go like that.
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Old 02-12-2014, 02:21 PM    (permalink
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I think you're right to a point, but I mostly disagree with you. Sorry D. Dating and marriage isn't what it used to be, and divorce happens because of lack of communication or lack of compatibility with the person you're living with. There are things that you may not like about someone that you don't know about until you actually live with them. That's why I think it is better to live with someone, for at least 6 months before you just jump into an engagement/ marriage.

I'm in the same boat as Hines right now, been dating a girl for a year, neither of us are ready to commit but we think we are right for each other and want to take our relationship a step further. We are planning on living under the same roof as each other, but not sharing a bedroom for now. Obviously, she can come sleep in my bed whenever she wants, but it gives us the opportunity to get away from the other one if we are upset with each other or whatever. We are going to live with two other people for the time being.

Both her and I have recognized that this could potentially ruin our relationship, but we both also love each other a lot and want the relationship to work, that alone leads me to believe that we will be fine and this will only strengthen our relationship. But who knows? The only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes. If after a year we are still happy with each other/ still dating, then it is our plan to rent our own place together and share a bedroom.

Just to give you some insight, Hines. Just make sure you and your girlfriend can communicate well, and set up obvious boundaries.
It's cool if you disagree. But I think if you can't get over something your significant other does in the comforts of their own home, then you're not really in love with that person. If you were you would work things out, have more patience or help them to change. Being in a relationship requires change and sacrifice. My wife used to be a terrible cook and she was messy as heck. Now things are totally the opposite.

Relationships are all about expectations. Every argument is caused by a misunderstanding or failure to meet each others expectations. That's why divorce happens. Set the grounds early and figure out what you expect out of each other.

I don't think you need to live with each other, but I can see a case for it. The idea of living under the same roof in different bedrooms is silly though. I can't see that as being realistic. If you love someone you want to be with them all the time. There's no on/off switch where you can say ok, let's be friends and sleep in our beds. In fact I think it sets up a bad precedence for the future. Only reason anyone would ever sleep in separate beds is if they are mad at each other and I think down the line it would be too easy to say "I'm sleeping in my own bed" because that's how your relationship started. When you fight, you forgive and never go to sleep mad. Just don't do anything that's unforgivable. Faith and trust... gotta be there. Or else you're just playing house with no ties attached.
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