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Old 04-20-2014, 09:38 AM    (permalink
Danishfalcon
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Hi guys

Five years ago, I asked for advice on how to approach this girl i met in a bar. Your awesome advices helped me bring her “home” and we have since then been together for five incredible years with some ups and downs, moved to a new city, she finished grad school and I am very close to (2 months left).

The last six months have however been different with more downs than ups. This has culminated in us trying to (several times) to split up, however we always end up regretting it the very next day. However, since a week ago she made the decision that she was just not into our relationship anymore, and that she wanted to pull it through this time. Since this decision, she has been with her parents in another city, and I have been with mine.

The first days went okay, and I got to tell the story to my family and friends. However, since i left my family and got back into our shared apartment all the great memories are flooding back and I am absolutely devastated. I want her back! I have only texted with her a couple of times since the break, to give her, her distance. We arranged that she would come by the apartment tomorrow evening to discuss how to approach this and how to split our shared things up. However, I am not crazy about the idea of letting her go. In fact, I am fairly sure that I am experiencing some form of depressive state. I am in the process of writing my master's thesis and my head is completely elsewhere, and I cannot focus on doing anything relevant.

Ever since the first few months I met her, I started to envision her being my future wife and the mother of my children. We talked about all the things we would do together and our dreams were pretty much the same. The last couple of months she started to change her opinion on many things such as whether she wanted kids, where she wanted to live, etc. This, among other things, led to the break.

Am I crazy for wanting her back? Should I just let her go? Is it only because of separation anxiety? What should I do? Another depressing fact is that not only am I saying good-bye to my very best friend, I am also saying good-bye to half of my family (the in laws...) who I am on good terms with.

I have tried to take up the “classical post-break-up activities” such as exercising more, socializing with friends and family, and I even talked to some girls at a bar yesterday, however the only thing that went through my mind was speculating on how my girl was doing. I know it only has been a week thus far, but I am a complete mess right now, and I am unsure if I should try to talk her into giving me yet another chance.

Please help a sad bro’ out!
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Old 04-20-2014, 11:26 AM    (permalink
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Quit being a punk and let the ***** go.

Tee hee.
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:59 AM    (permalink
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I don't know that I would let 5 years go simply. Thats tough man but I would fight for it. But then again I don't have much success with women so look elsewhere for advice. :)
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:38 AM    (permalink
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5 years is a really long time. It sounds like she is not being straight with you, or got tired of waiting. I can understand why you'd be destroyed over this, you put a lot of time and effort into the relationship. But if she doesn't want the same things anymore then even still being with her will not be what you want.
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Old 04-22-2014, 01:16 AM    (permalink
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My best advice for trying to save this is to do what she ISN'T expecting - don't ask her back, don't come off as needy. She's gonna expect that. Do your best to act as if you're not so deeply invested. If she still is into you, she'll be surprised and suddenly she'll be the one who's trying to sell herself to YOU, not vice versa. If she doesn't bother, it was never gonna work out.

But honestly, it's not looking bright. But there's nothing wrong with giving it a shot in the dark for the helluva it either. Good luck brother.
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:53 AM    (permalink
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My best advice for trying to save this is to do what she ISN'T expecting - don't ask her back, don't come off as needy. She's gonna expect that. Do your best to act as if you're not so deeply invested. If she still is into you, she'll be surprised and suddenly she'll be the one who's trying to sell herself to YOU, not vice versa. If she doesn't bother, it was never gonna work out.

But honestly, it's not looking bright. But there's nothing wrong with giving it a shot in the dark for the helluva it either. Good luck brother.
What if she's doing the same thing?
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Old 04-22-2014, 09:29 AM    (permalink
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Alright so I've been trying to Tinder app out for a couple months with no real success, but yesterday I linked up with a 19 chick who lives over an hour away from me(I'm 21). We've already exchanged numbers and pics and she is planning on coming over tomorrow. I swear it better not be a catfish lol, but everything looks legit I'm friends with her on IG and Twitter. Wish me luck fellas lol
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Old 04-22-2014, 09:41 AM    (permalink
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Report back w/ pics RN
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:49 AM    (permalink
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So things did not turn out any good. I poured my heart out and in she basically said that she just lost any emotional feelings for me. I was devastated. However, today has been okay and I have come to terms with it being over. I still have a lot of emotions bottled up, which I will try to slowly manage since I am quite pressured by my thesis.

I just wrote "good-bye" letters to her parents and this was quite difficult, however it felt pretty good to write down my emotions.

In contrast to my friends opinions, I will not just go out and bang a lot of ######, but I am gonna try to heal myself, because lord knows I am hurt.

She proposed that we stay friends. At first I said no, because I am so hurt right know, but i guess down the line that might be an idea. We have so many interests together (NFL among other..), so we will see how that turns out. I think the next couple of months I will enforce a "no contact rule" to deal with my emotions.
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:52 AM    (permalink
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Report back w/ pics RN
Yes sir lol. I have already received some good ones but hopefully I'll maybe take a few myself
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:01 PM    (permalink
MetSox17
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So things did not turn out any good. I poured my heart out and in she basically said that she just lost any emotional feelings for me. I was devastated. However, today has been okay and I have come to terms with it being over. I still have a lot of emotions bottled up, which I will try to slowly manage since I am quite pressured by my thesis.

I just wrote "good-bye" letters to her parents and this was quite difficult, however it felt pretty good to write down my emotions.

In contrast to my friends opinions, I will not just go out and bang a lot of ######, but I am gonna try to heal myself, because lord knows I am hurt.

She proposed that we stay friends. At first I said no, because I am so hurt right know, but i guess down the line that might be an idea. We have so many interests together (NFL among other..), so we will see how that turns out. I think the next couple of months I will enforce a "no contact rule" to deal with my emotions.
Really sorry to hear it didn't work out, but you're doing the right thing in enforcing a no contact rule. You need some time to remind yourself that you can still function daily without her and you can build a new life. Her wanting to remain friends is probably more of her just not wanting you to resent her for breaking it off completely. Don't torture yourself in being her "friend" when you want more than that, and don't for a second think that being that friend will somehow get her to realize she misses being with you. Don't do that to yourself. Keep yourself busy and spend as much time with friends as possible. Good luck.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:05 PM    (permalink
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just tuning back into this thread: it has been nice knowing you Bama but unfortunately you are a stabbing victim waiting to happen. It could happen anytime, sometimes it takes a good month or two for the full mental deterioration to occur.

Danish: it's a rough break. I am glad you adequately credited SWDC (NFLDC?) for kickstarting the relationship. However, because of this accreditation, you should have known it was temporary because that's why we american football.

seriously though that's awful but definitely shut it down, if she says she has no connection or emotional need to hang out. don't be friends under any circumstances. Either she will realize she can't do it or she will move on and either way it's a real solution vs. the friend thing which only ever leads to one of those two options anyway. So save yourself some pain and time and play it cool, get a hobby, and embrace the fact that you're probably really damn young still.

and lord if you haven't yet, do not email or contact her parents and family in any way, no matter how close you were.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:14 PM    (permalink
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Yeah.... i could do with the not contacting her parents thing as well.
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Old 04-22-2014, 01:05 PM    (permalink
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Lold at reading that. Yeah im an idiot. But it will break off at some point. She is hella sexy and loves me... Just crazy AF
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:33 PM    (permalink
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So things did not turn out any good. I poured my heart out
Only works in the movies...and only about half the time.

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and in she basically said that she just lost any emotional feelings for me. I was devastated. However, today has been okay and I have come to terms with it being over. I still have a lot of emotions bottled up, which I will try to slowly manage since I am quite pressured by my thesis.

I just wrote "good-bye" letters to her parents and this was quite difficult, however it felt pretty good to write down my emotions.

In contrast to my friends opinions, I will not just go out and bang a lot of ######, but I am gonna try to heal myself, because lord knows I am hurt.

She proposed that we stay friends. At first I said no, because I am so hurt right know, but i guess down the line that might be an idea. We have so many interests together (NFL among other..), so we will see how that turns out. I think the next couple of months I will enforce a "no contact rule" to deal with my emotions.
No, don't stay friends with her. You need to stay far away and try to get her out of your mind.
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:33 AM    (permalink
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Girlfriend asked me if my family hates her. They do. I don't know how to respond or if I should respond.
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:41 AM    (permalink
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Girlfriend asked me if my family hates her. They do. I don't know how to respond or if I should respond.
I've had that question posed to me. I say be honest. Issues between your significant other and family can lead to huge problems later.
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Old 04-23-2014, 11:06 AM    (permalink
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and lord if you haven't yet, do not email or contact her parents and family in any way, no matter how close you were.
Well, that's too late now. I wrote two emotional letters explaining our whole situation and that i hope the best for her/the family. It felt really good, and it already seems to have helped me somewhat move on. I have even seen her the last couple of days because she came by two pack, and I have been fine. In fact I'm great. I got to work out and finally worked a lot on my thesis again. Things are looking bright! I even started to wonder when I'm gonna start finding some strange. ;)

Saturday she's gonna move all her stuff, so there's that.

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Old 04-23-2014, 08:05 PM    (permalink
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Girlfriend asked me if my family hates her. They do. I don't know how to respond or if I should respond.
Agreed with JR...I'd tell her the truth. The fact that she even asked indicates she already knows, anyway. She senses it.

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Well, that's too late now. I wrote two emotional letters explaining our whole situation and that i hope the best for her/the family. It felt really good, and it already seems to have helped me somewhat move on. I have even seen her the last couple of days because she came by two pack, and I have been fine. In fact I'm great. I got to work out and finally worked a lot on my thesis again. Things are looking bright! I even started to wonder when I'm gonna start finding some strange. ;)

Saturday she's gonna move all her stuff, so there's that.
Too late indeed. Ah well.

I mean, I do feel you. I become pretty close to my first girlfriend's little brother. A mentor to the kid, especially since he was the only guy in the family. Have only seen him once since that ended a few years ago.
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:15 PM    (permalink
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Agreed with JR...I'd tell her the truth. The fact that she even asked indicates she already knows, anyway. She senses it.
Well, I told her. She's not too happy right now.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:21 PM    (permalink
Raiderz4Life
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So update...my relationship has been going pretty good. Love the girl to death she treats me damn well. But...I hate her sister(fraternal twin). She's so gtdamn dependent on my gf....calls for everything. Sometimes dumbass **** like the dog is lying on its back or sometimes she wants her to deal with crap that's total common sense or stuff my girl has no clue about because they're issues between her sister and her friends at school or professors.

Cockblock of the year for sure. Luckily their best friend was dating my best friend and she and I talk and she did me a solid. Now my girl will tell her sister she and I want some alone time and she'll call her when she's free.
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Old 04-27-2014, 06:03 AM    (permalink
NotRickJames
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So, I've got a date tomorrow night. I'm taking this extern out after work. We're gonna be doing dinner - normally that isn't quite my preference, but I think it'll work out well. We'll see how things go from there. I was concerned that I took too damn long to ask her out and got friendly with her, a la friend zoned. I still consider that a bit of a possibility, though I think she's erring on the side of being attracted to me. She's about two years younger than me.

I'll let you all know how it goes. I know, you're simply on the edge of your seats in anticipation of an update.

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Originally Posted by StickSkills View Post
Well, I told her. She's not too happy right now.
It was to be expected but she'll come around. She already knew it. Being dishonest about it would've made you look worse ultimately.

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Originally Posted by Raiderz4Life View Post
So update...my relationship has been going pretty good. Love the girl to death she treats me damn well. But...I hate her sister(fraternal twin). She's so gtdamn dependent on my gf....calls for everything. Sometimes dumbass **** like the dog is lying on its back or sometimes she wants her to deal with crap that's total common sense or stuff my girl has no clue about because they're issues between her sister and her friends at school or professors.

Cockblock of the year for sure. Luckily their best friend was dating my best friend and she and I talk and she did me a solid. Now my girl will tell her sister she and I want some alone time and she'll call her when she's free.
I didn't read any previous posts about your girl but that's good to hear you've landed a solid one

I'm telling you, EVERY GIRL you date is always going to have that one person close to them you can't stand. Be it they have that one obnoxious friend (who also probably doesn't like you in addition to being generally obnoxious) or a nutcase uncle who lives at the family's house - that was with my last girlfriend. You know the stereotypical crazy Uncle you see on television? Well, that was this guy to a damn tee.
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Old 04-27-2014, 07:31 AM    (permalink
Danishfalcon
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So my ex has finally moved her ish out of the apartment, and I am getting better and better.
I have been thinking about starting to find a rebound, and I have a particular girl in mind. So please suggest whether I should contact her:

So i used to study with this girl (5 years ago), and we had really good chemistry. However, since I was with my ex it obviously did not turn into anything. Shortly after, i decided I would rather study something else, however we somewhat kept contact (like met at friday bars, parties, etc.). However, the last 3 years we have not met, and I moved to another city.

Fast forward to 6 months ago, I was at a random friday bar (nurses!) and suddenly, there she is! She is now studying to become a nurse. The very first thing she asks me is whether I am still together with my (now ex) girlfriend, which I was. We chatted casually, and she said I looked great, and out of nowhere she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and left. I have not talked to her since. Should I try to contact her (facebook?) to meet up at a Friday bar, or something along those lines? I am quite attracted to her, and she is super sweet, however it is way too early for me to pursue any emotional relationship. However, if I could establish something casual (even if it is just friendship), that would be good for me.

Any thoughts? Should I do it, or is it too early? If yes, how should I approach it?
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Old 04-27-2014, 07:35 AM    (permalink
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Seems a bit desperate if you ask me. If you actually like this girl you shouldn't just use her as a rebound. Don't you dare even think about a friendship either. Just go get some random strange and be done with it.
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Old 04-27-2014, 10:37 AM    (permalink
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If you want it, get it.

I agree no friendship though.
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