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Old 03-26-2009, 10:17 AM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by BigDawg819 View Post
Best advice I can give is do you man. If this is worth pursuing then by all means, but if its not whats best for you then reevaluate. One thing I do know, you can't force a relationship you just have to let it happen. Of course a casual atmosphere will always complicate things because inevitably feelings come into the mix.
Some of the best advice ever given about trying to get over an ex. From Swingers:

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:03 AM    (permalink
ShutDwn
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Well, I think we found your problem...
Possibly, but I'm not into that whole thing too much. I have had all kinds of people ask if we are dating, I've never said we are, or that I care that much. Now I know that is different from what I actually think, honestly I would have liked a relationship but it didn't need to be intense see you every minute thing.

Honestly, I think that this is more about her than it is me. I didn't cling really, it was pretty even in regards to who initiated hanging out.

I think, if I did act clingy or anything, it was probably due to the fact that I always had the people who said things about her and how they didn't want her to "ruin me" echoing in the back of my head making me try and prove them wrong.


Sucks that she had to fit her reputation. But oh well, I'm not wrecked over it

Question though, when we talk about this more, should I bring up how these people basically predicted this whole thing? How they told my roommate they didn't want her to "ruin me"?

I'm basically just going to say, look it sucks that this didn't work out, but oh well. I'm just glad I didn't let you drag this further than you did, cause that would have just wasted my time. I had fun with you and wish we could still but that boat sailed.


Who knows though, I'd like to keep the door ajar. This could definitely be an option next year, at least for a rebound. ha
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:15 AM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by ShutDwn View Post
Possibly, but I'm not into that whole thing too much. I have had all kinds of people ask if we are dating, I've never said we are, or that I care that much. Now I know that is different from what I actually think, honestly I would have liked a relationship but it didn't need to be intense see you every minute thing.

Honestly, I think that this is more about her than it is me. I didn't cling really, it was pretty even in regards to who initiated hanging out.

I think, if I did act clingy or anything, it was probably due to the fact that I always had the people who said things about her and how they didn't want her to "ruin me" echoing in the back of my head making me try and prove them wrong.


Sucks that she had to fit her reputation. But oh well, I'm not wrecked over it

Question though, when we talk about this more, should I bring up how these people basically predicted this whole thing? How they told my roommate they didn't want her to "ruin me"?

I'm basically just going to say, look it sucks that this didn't work out, but oh well. I'm just glad I didn't let you drag this further than you did, cause that would have just wasted my time. I had fun with you and wish we could still but that boat sailed.


Who knows though, I'd like to keep the door ajar. This could definitely be an option next year, at least for a rebound. ha
You completely missed the point of the quoted post. It was just poking fun at your unclear writing.

It didn't need to be an intense see you every minute thing? It should never be an intense see you every minute thing. That doesn't describe a healthy relationship anyway, that is a codependent relationship which would need to be fixed.

There isn't really a reason to talk about it anymore. The only thing it could lead to is a fight. I try to keep the ending of my relationships civil, and I am actually quite good friends with a couple of girls I have a history with.

Quote:
Basically she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and I "clearly do."
If you clearly want a boyfriend, it was never going to work with a girl.
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:27 AM    (permalink
ShutDwn
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You completely missed the point of the quoted post. It was just poking fun at your unclear writing.

It didn't need to be an intense see you every minute thing? It should never be an intense see you every minute thing. That doesn't describe a healthy relationship anyway, that is a codependent relationship which would need to be fixed.

There isn't really a reason to talk about it anymore. The only thing it could lead to is a fight. I try to keep the ending of my relationships civil, and I am actually quite good friends with a couple of girls I have a history with.



If you clearly want a boyfriend, it was never going to work with a girl.
I am saying I know couples, good friends who are always in contact, or at least 90% of the time. They are texting constantly if they aren't together. I'm not down with that, in fact I believe if she didn't freak out we probably would have naturally settled down a bit with the whole seeing each other so often.

I'm pretty good at avoiding fights, I'm not too worried.
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:30 AM    (permalink
someone447
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Originally Posted by ShutDwn View Post
I am saying I know couples, good friends who are always in contact, or at least 90% of the time. They are texting constantly if they aren't together. I'm not down with that, in fact I believe if she didn't freak out we probably would have naturally settled down a bit with the whole seeing each other so often.

I'm pretty good at avoiding fights, I'm not too worried.
I know couples like that too, and it is unhealthy. I just found your phrasing to be interesting.

I'm just saying that after you talked about it, and you are no longer seeing each other, there is no reason to ever bring it up again. It's over, cut your losses and move on. If you are able to still see her socially without it bothering you, do it, but any sort of relationship with her is over, so don't bring it up. It will only lead to bad things.
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Old 03-26-2009, 12:20 PM    (permalink
georgiafan
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So there's this girl that I met a year or 2 back when she was dating a friend of a friend. She added me on facebook a few months back and i've been talking to here on there recently (she's now single). I was talking to her today and she was telling me about a CD that she wanted. I told her that I had the CD and I could make her a copy of it. She sounded excited about it, and said we would could meet up to exchange it. She said tomorrow or friday would be the best day for her and told me to text her. I didn't have her # and she gave it to me without me asking.

What should my next step be? Should I try and ask her if she wants to grab lunch or something? Or just see what she says when I text her?

A few weeks ago things didn't work out for whatever reason and I moved on not thinking much about it. Then yesterday she talks to me on facebook and brings up the cd. We meet up today and I gave her the cd over lunch.

The conversation went smooth which is important as i'm a shy guy. This was the first time of really meeting her in person (except for a few minutes a few years back). I was able to stay away from all the typical 1st date/job interview like questions. She only had 30 minutes for lunch so we didn't have time to go anywhere nice. We have a lot of common friends so we as able to talk about that.

So how do I take the next step? I'll be gone this weekend so I know nothing will happen this weekend. She did give me a hug when she first meet me and agian at the end. She mentioned something to me about coming to see her dance at her church in a few weeks. But I think that was more of her saying it in passing then asking me specific.
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Old 03-26-2009, 01:17 PM    (permalink
Brent
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My ex and I have been talking the past few days. You know how that goes.
I am lucky in that my ex lives in another zip code now.

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Originally Posted by bsaza2358 View Post
In other news, I made a huge mistake. I slept with my ex last night. She invited me over, I went, knowing it was going to happen, and I did it. Sex was good, but I feel like crap. I hate myself right now...
That's why I have my ex in my phone as "Don't Answer"
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:01 PM    (permalink
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I'm a shy person.
And there is this girl at school who I want to get to know. She's my friend's younger sister (she's 1 year younger than me). I'm pretty sure that my friend said that she liked me, and that she should introduce me to her sometime. She said this a while ago, probably way back in September. She said it while passing me in the hallway so I didn't really get to respond.

She seems pretty shy too, and I'm not too good with new people.
So, how do I go about meeting this girl?
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my lord...I cannot imagine such a world where I can mention Raymell Rice's thighs around a girl and not be the only one sexually aroused
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:27 PM    (permalink
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I am lucky in that my ex lives in another zip code now.


That's why I have my ex in my phone as "Don't Answer"
I put mine under common names like Joe and Mike or a masculine name that has the same letter as their first name. I have the kind of friends that would start calling them on my phone in the midst of a drunken night if my phone was left unattended.
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:29 PM    (permalink
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I'm a shy person.
And there is this girl at school who I want to get to know. She's my friend's younger sister (she's 1 year younger than me). I'm pretty sure that my friend said that she liked me, and that she should introduce me to her sometime. She said this a while ago, probably way back in September. She said it while passing me in the hallway so I didn't really get to respond.

She seems pretty shy too, and I'm not too good with new people.
So, how do I go about meeting this girl?
Next time you see her, just go up and talk to her. The only way to get over shyness is to just go do it. Whats the worst thing that can happen? You get shot down. So what, its not like you will remember it a few months from now.
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:30 PM    (permalink
tjsunstein
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Originally Posted by Bills2083 View Post
I'm a shy person.
And there is this girl at school who I want to get to know. She's my friend's younger sister (she's 1 year younger than me). I'm pretty sure that my friend said that she liked me, and that she should introduce me to her sometime. She said this a while ago, probably way back in September. She said it while passing me in the hallway so I didn't really get to respond.

She seems pretty shy too, and I'm not too good with new people.
So, how do I go about meeting this girl?
I'd approach her when theyre together at some point and just say hi to your friend and ask her for something simple school related like if she has a pencil to borrow or something and make eye contact with the one that likes you and say hi.

Or you can say hi and just be confident. Saying the first words to her is gonna be half the battle.
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:32 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by Bills2083 View Post
I'm a shy person.
And there is this girl at school who I want to get to know. She's my friend's younger sister (she's 1 year younger than me). I'm pretty sure that my friend said that she liked me, and that she should introduce me to her sometime. She said this a while ago, probably way back in September. She said it while passing me in the hallway so I didn't really get to respond.

She seems pretty shy too, and I'm not too good with new people.
So, how do I go about meeting this girl?
Do what tj just suggested but make a couple jokes. If she is into you and the jokes are funny (observation humor would work best in your situation) she will at the very least smile. You will have broken the ice, seemed like a nice and cool guy, and you will come off as confident. Trust me, it never fails.
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:43 PM    (permalink
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Were making a rule book because we get the same questions in here but from different people. If anything, some guidelines to follow.

Rule #1 - Don't be a *****. Just approach her and say hi. Second guessing yourself is the worst thing you can do in this situation and if you back down then you will regret it. Confidence is key.

Anyone have #2?
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:01 PM    (permalink
someone447
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Were making a rule book because we get the same questions in here but from different people. If anything, some guidelines to follow.

Rule #1 - Don't be a *****. Just approach her and say hi. Second guessing yourself is the worst thing you can do in this situation and if you back down then you will regret it. Confidence is key.

Anyone have #2?
Confidence is key.

It's kind of like fight club. The first rule is so important it needs to be said twice.

The first rule of game is: Confidence is key.
The second rule of game is: Confidence is key.

Actually, that is really all you need to know. If you have confidence, everything else will flow naturally.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:04 PM    (permalink
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Also, play to your strengths. If you try too hard to be someone you are not chances are you are going to **** up.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:07 PM    (permalink
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Also, play to your strengths. If you try too hard to be someone you are not chances are you are going to **** up.
See that boils down to confidence. If you are confident you aren't going to try to be someone else.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:08 PM    (permalink
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Is anyone else attracted to girls, that if you mentioned around a group of your boys, they would be like "What?!".

Cute>Hot

Not even close IMO.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:22 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by georgiafan View Post
A few weeks ago things didn't work out for whatever reason and I moved on not thinking much about it. Then yesterday she talks to me on facebook and brings up the cd. We meet up today and I gave her the cd over lunch.

The conversation went smooth which is important as i'm a shy guy. This was the first time of really meeting her in person (except for a few minutes a few years back). I was able to stay away from all the typical 1st date/job interview like questions. She only had 30 minutes for lunch so we didn't have time to go anywhere nice. We have a lot of common friends so we as able to talk about that.

So how do I take the next step? I'll be gone this weekend so I know nothing will happen this weekend. She did give me a hug when she first meet me and agian at the end. She mentioned something to me about coming to see her dance at her church in a few weeks. But I think that was more of her saying it in passing then asking me specific.
Give her a call if you have her number and say something like "I feel like we got cut short yesterday, what are you up to on free night would you like to have dinner/coffee/drinks with me?" and go from there.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:29 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by 'cuse-213 View Post
Is anyone else attracted to girls, that if you mentioned around a group of your boys, they would be like "What?!".

Cute>Hot

Not even close IMO.
It doesn't hurt to have both, but I get what you're saying. Cute girls stay attractive for much longer so when you're actually looking for a serious relationship that's a good way to go. I'd still hit Sally Fields and she's doing commercials for osteoporosis.

For my money though a girl with good taste, a sense of humor, and a personality makes them much more attractive. But I'm old so my tastes have changed over time. I used to date mostly strippers and other various whores when I was in college.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:44 PM    (permalink
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I definitely like the cute ones and turns out most of them are bottled up freaks (sexually)
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Old 03-26-2009, 07:01 PM    (permalink
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In other news, I made a huge mistake. I slept with my ex last night. She invited me over, I went, knowing it was going to happen, and I did it. Sex was good, but I feel like crap. I hate myself right now...

Thats when you slip up
and **** around, and **** your ex,
That be that bull ****,
But its the ****** best!
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Old 03-26-2009, 07:56 PM    (permalink
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For my money though a girl with good taste, a sense of humor, and a personality makes them much more attractive. But I'm old so my tastes have changed over time.
I don't even think it's a matter of age but rather knowing what you want. Using the ole "on a scale of ten" method, let's say a girl would garner a 7 with her looks but throw in a kick-ass personality, she's a ten to me. This happens to me a lot. I see a girl that isnt like the hottest one in the room but the fact that she's cute enough for me and I can carry a rather nice intellectual conversation with her is worth so much more.
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:47 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by Brent View Post
I don't even think it's a matter of age but rather knowing what you want. Using the ole "on a scale of ten" method, let's say a girl would garner a 7 with her looks but throw in a kick-ass personality, she's a ten to me. This happens to me a lot. I see a girl that isnt like the hottest one in the room but the fact that she's cute enough for me and I can carry a rather nice intellectual conversation with her is worth so much more.
very true. i'm kinda in a relationship with one of these kinda girls now. looks would be a 6 but she's fun.
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Old 03-27-2009, 09:43 AM    (permalink
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Give her a call if you have her number and say something like "I feel like we got cut short yesterday, what are you up to on free night would you like to have dinner/coffee/drinks with me?" and go from there.
Yeah your probley right, I'm not that good at talking on the phone so I usually try to avoid it. I do have her #, we've never talked on the phone just texted. So when should I call if we had lunch thursday? I'll be out of town this weekend and so I really want have the time until sunday night.

Should I stay clear of talking to her on text or facebook until I call her? Unless she contacts me first of course.
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Old 03-27-2009, 10:18 AM    (permalink
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I used to date mostly strippers and other various whores when I was in college.
Bahahaha! Someone needs to invent a time-machine so I can hang out with the college you.
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