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Old 01-26-2011, 07:47 PM    (permalink
iHitsShaun
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Post iHitsShaun SuperBowl Prediction: What Shadow?

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Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre’s shadow? Or maybe that big guy over in Pittsburgh? February 6th, 2011 is the decision day for Aaron Rodgers. He can either start his own legacy or be told that he’ll never be as good as or greater than Favre. The California, championship belt wearing kid will finally get his chance to either put up or shut up.

But wait, there’s a third opponent and that opponent is a hard hitting, six times Superbowl winning team. The Pittsburgh Steelers has one of the toughest defenses in the league. A good example would be the first four games or just look at James Harrison, who has been fined up to a hundred thousand dollars for “illegal hits” to the helmet just in this season. You could find the Steelers logo right next to the definition about a team that wins solely because of their defense. Yes, Ben Roethlisberger runs and controls the offense, but watch the tapes of the 2010-2011 season and look at what the defense contributed to their so far winning season.

The Green Bay Packers have won the three first road games of the playoffs all ready, so going into Dallas will not be a different scenario. So while sitting in the draft room for Four Hours and Thirty-Five Minutes, and than a couple seasons behind the now once again retired Brett Favre, will finally pay off with his second post-season appearance. Except this time, he has been able to take his team all the way to the major stage in the National Football League.

What is home field advantage in the Superbowl when neither is the home team? Jerry Jones will probably still make an appearance from being in the skybox and than in about two or three seconds, he’ll be congratulating one player for scoring a touchdown. We won’t know who the home team is until the ball is kicked off, the clock starts running, and the fans start cheering. With that being said, the cheering will somehow play into the Steelers hands since there seems to be more Steeler fans across the map. Maybe that’s because of their six Superbowl Championships that they hold. So get your Terrible Towels and your Cheesehead Hats ready because the game is almost here!

But I have a feeling that Aaron Rodgers will finally come out of Brett Favre’s shadow at the end of the game. Maybe he won’t hold on the records at the end of his career like Favre, but who really wants to hold the most interceptions thrown during a career? Laugh, laugh, and jokes. Aaron Rodgers will be the one holding the Most Valuable Player award though at the end of the game. While the rest of the Green Bay Packers and all of the cheeseheads will be celebrating their first Superbowl win in over fourteen years with a victoy of thirty-one to twenty-eight victory. Doesn’t every Superbowl win come down to the field goal kicker?
This is my first "article" or a descriptive prediction I have ever written.
Please all feedback (negative or positive) is appreciated.
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Old 01-26-2011, 07:54 PM    (permalink
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You wrote a lot of words without really saying anything, and way too much Brett Favre.
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Old 01-26-2011, 07:56 PM    (permalink
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You wrote a lot of words without really saying anything, and way too much Brett Favre.
thanks for the response. Add more team stats, player stats??
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Old 01-26-2011, 08:29 PM    (permalink
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thanks for the response. Add more team stats, player stats??
It doesn't need to have stats to say something. Just an opinion. You've thrown a lot of fluff in there, but it doesn't make me think about it when I'm done with the article.
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Old 01-26-2011, 08:38 PM    (permalink
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It doesn't need to have stats to say something. Just an opinion. You've thrown a lot of fluff in there, but it doesn't make me think about it when I'm done with the article.
Thank you for the response. I really Appreciate the feedback. I hope to get better.
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Old 01-26-2011, 09:04 PM    (permalink
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Sorry, but...



In your entire article, the following is the only bit of it with any real insight into the two teams this season.

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The Pittsburgh Steelers has one of the toughest defenses in the league. A good example would be the first four games or just look at James Harrison, who has been fined up to a hundred thousand dollars for “illegal hits” to the helmet just in this season.

Yes, Ben Roethlisberger runs and controls the offense, but watch the tapes of the 2010-2011 season and look at what the defense contributed to their so far winning season.

The Green Bay Packers have won the three first road games of the playoffs all ready, so going into Dallas will not be a different scenario.
Not exactly hard hitting stuff. In fact, it doesn't even begin to try to describe anything that is going to happen on the field. All it says is that Green Bay won on the road, and Pittsburgh has a good defense. Not quite an article.

Then, you inexplicably arrive to this conclusion:

Quote:
Aaron Rodgers will be the one holding the Most Valuable Player award though at the end of the game. While the rest of the Green Bay Packers and all of the cheeseheads will be celebrating their first Superbowl win in over fourteen years with a victoy of thirty-one to twenty-eight victory.
I have no idea where this even came from. One second, you're discussing how good Pittsburgh has been, then you come out of nowhere with a prediction. I'm completely lost on this one.
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Old 01-26-2011, 09:10 PM    (permalink
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Sorry, but...



In your entire article, the following is the only bit of it with any real insight into the two teams this season.



Not exactly hard hitting stuff. In fact, it doesn't even begin to try to describe anything that is going to happen on the field. All it says is that Green Bay won on the road, and Pittsburgh has a good defense. Not quite an article.

Then, you inexplicably arrive to this conclusion:



I have no idea where this even came from. One second, you're discussing how good Pittsburgh has been, then you come out of nowhere with a prediction. I'm completely lost on this one.
oh alright, I will improve, and come back with a better article. Thank you for all the feedback
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Old 01-26-2011, 09:15 PM    (permalink
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Quote:
Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre’s shadow? Or maybe that big guy over in Pittsburgh? February 6th, 2011 is the decision day for Aaron Rodgers. He can either start his own legacy or be told that he’ll never be as good as or greater than Favre. The California, championship belt wearing kid will finally get his chance to either put up or shut up.

But wait, there’s a third opponent and that opponent is a hard hitting, six times Superbowl winning team. [1] The Pittsburgh Steelers has one of the toughest defenses in the league. A good example would be the first four games or just look at James Harrison, who has been fined up to a hundred thousand dollars for “illegal hits” to the helmet just in this season. You could find the Steelers logo right next to the definition about a team that wins solely because of their defense. Yes, Ben Roethlisberger runs and controls the offense, but watch the tapes of the 2010-2011 season and look at what the defense contributed to their so far winning season.

[1] The Green Bay Packers have won the three first road games of the playoffs [5]all ready, so going into Dallas will not be a different scenario. So while sitting in the draft room for [3] Four Hours and Thirty-Five Minutes, and [2] than a couple seasons behind the now once again retired Brett Favre, will finally pay off with his second post-season appearance. Except this time, he has been able to take his team all the way to the major stage in the National Football League.

What is home field advantage in the Superbowl when neither is the home team? Jerry Jones will probably still make an appearance from being in the skybox and [2] than in about two or three seconds, he’ll be congratulating one player for scoring a touchdown. We won’t know who the home team is until the ball is kicked off, the clock starts running, and the fans start cheering. With that being said, the cheering will somehow play into the Steelers hands since there seems to be more Steeler fans across the map. Maybe that’s because of their six Superbowl Championships that they hold. So get your Terrible Towels and your Cheesehead Hats ready because the game is almost here!

But I have a feeling that Aaron Rodgers will finally come out of Brett Favre’s shadow at the end of the game. Maybe he won’t hold on the records at the end of his career like Favre, but who really wants to hold the most interceptions thrown during a career? Laugh, laugh, and jokes. Aaron Rodgers will be the one holding the Most Valuable Player award though at the end of the game. While the rest of the Green Bay Packers and all of the cheeseheads will be celebrating their first Superbowl win in over fourteen years with a victoy of [4] thirty-one to twenty-eight victory. Doesn’t every Superbowl win come down to the field goal kicker?
Proof read corrections:

1) You used "has" for the Pittsburgh Steelers and "have" for the Green Bay Packers. If you're referring to the teams as one group, then use "has." If you're referring to the teams as individuals inside of a group, then use "have." But use the same one for both of them. Personally, "have" reads better.

2) Twice you used "than" when it should be "then."

3) "Four Hours and Thirty-Five Minutes" shouldn't be capitalized.

4) This is tricky. When it comes to scores, I think using the actual numbers is best. I'd use "31-28" or "31 to 28" instead. It's like spelling out a date. But the thing with numbers is you have to be consistent throughout your piece. If you use numerals, then you should use only numerals. If you write them out, then you should only write them out. There's a golden rule of writing out numbers if they're a single digit, and if they're ten or higher, then use the numeral. I have a bad habit of going back and forth and applying the rule to every individual number, rather than picking one way and sticking to it. You were consistent though, so good job. But if you choose one, I'd go with using the numerals when writing about sports. The imagery just goes better.

5) Should be "already."

Not a bad fluff piece, but it's your first article, so you'll get better. You also don't have the resources that professional writers do, so that makes it harder to be insightful, especially to a room full of football nerds like us. This was just at first glance, so I may have missed something. Hope it helps!
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Old 01-26-2011, 09:23 PM    (permalink
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Originally Posted by TitanHope View Post
Proof read corrections:

1) You used "has" for the Pittsburgh Steelers and "have" for the Green Bay Packers. If you're referring to the teams as one group, then use "has." If you're referring to the teams as individuals inside of a group, then use "have." But use the same one for both of them. Personally, "have" reads better.

2) Twice you used "than" when it should be "then."

3) "Four Hours and Thirty-Five Minutes" shouldn't be capitalized.

4) This is tricky. When it comes to scores, I think using the actual numbers is best. I'd use "31-28" or "31 to 28" instead. It's like spelling out a date. But the thing with numbers is you have to be consistent throughout your piece. If you use numerals, then you should use only numerals. If you write them out, then you should only write them out. There's a golden rule of writing out numbers if they're a single digit, and if they're ten or higher, then use the numeral. I have a bad habit of going back and forth and applying the rule to every individual number, rather than picking one way and sticking to it. You were consistent though, so good job. But if you choose one, I'd go with using the numerals when writing about sports. The imagery just goes better.

5) Should be "already."

Not a bad fluff piece, but it's your first article, so you'll get better. You also don't have the resources that professional writers do, so that makes it harder to be insightful, especially to a room full of football nerds like us. This was just at first glance, so I may have missed something. Hope it helps!
Thank you very much. I appreciate it. The numbers confused me because my Journalism teacher from my Junior year in High School told me to type out the numbers. So that's why i went to type it out. Also the have and has always confused me, when I say a sentence I usually use have, but I never understood when has should be used. Thank you again.
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Old 01-26-2011, 10:00 PM    (permalink
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Thank you very much. I appreciate it. The numbers confused me because my Journalism teacher from my Junior year in High School told me to type out the numbers. So that's why i went to type it out. Also the have and has always confused me, when I say a sentence I usually use have, but I never understood when has should be used. Thank you again.
No problem!

Your teacher was probably teaching you the formal way of writing, ie. don't use contractions, type out the numbers, etc. But as far as the correct or incorrect way, you write out single-digit numbers and use numerical form for double-digit numbers, but once you follow that rule for a number, you stick to it throughout the rest of the piece, even if a later number would require a different form (ie. Correct: "I have eight video games. He has twenty video games."; "I have 8 video games. He has 20 video games." Incorrect: "I have eight video games. He has 20 video games.").

For sports, I'd just go with numerical form no matter what because it's so stat based. Readers take to, "Aaron Rodgers threw for 350 yards," much easier than "Aaron Rodgers threw for three-hundred and fifty yards." So even though it's informal, you'll keep an audience better, and that's the key.

As for "has" and "have," both are technically correct, so tons of people get caught up over it. You just have to stay consistent. Once you use "have," you have to use "have" for the other teams. Personally, I would use "have." I think it reads better because it agrees with the often plural team names, and since you're usually referring to the individual players inside of the group in other parts of the piece, "have" may function best since it's used when refering to the players that make up the group as well.


The English language is so great because with it allows all these different variations to be correct. It's also why the language is so difficult and hard to learn. But once you master it, you can create your own writing style and identity, which to me is awesome.
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Old 01-26-2011, 11:30 PM    (permalink
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The 45th Edition Chess Match
On February 6th, 2011 in Arlington, Texas, the 45th edition of the Superbowl will be aired live and millions of fans will be watching from their household. At one end of the football field will be the Pittsburgh Steelers, the 2nd seed in the AFC, who are making their 8th Superbowl Appearance. This ties the Dallas Cowboys for the most Superbowl appearances in the NFL. Than on the opposite end of the football field are the Green Bay Packers, the 6th seed in the NFC. This being their 5th Superbowl appearance, the Packers are the second team to reach the Superbowl while being the 6th seed in the playoffs. You may wonder who the other team to reach the Superbowl was, and that team was the Pittsburgh Steelers, who won it all during the 2005 season. The Superbowl match-up between these two teams could end up being a nail biter.

Being the 2nd seed in the AFC, the Steelers are still the underdog according to the “experts”. The Pittsburgh Steelers are going for Superbowl win number 7, while they have 6 has a whole franchise, Ben Roethlisberger has lead them to 2 of those 6. But the key ingredient to this year’s team is the defense, which had to step up while Roethlisberger was out for the first 4 weeks due to a suspension with an off the field incident. Being a hard hitting team on both sides of the ball may be a good thing while watching at home, but when you’re being fined for the hits, it isn’t such a good thing. James Harrison, the Steelers Linebacker, is a good example of the being fined. He has been fined up to $100,000 for “illegal hits to the helmet” during the regular season. The Steelers will need both sides of the ball to function to pull out a win in the match-up happening on February 6th.

The Green Bay Packers, the NFC’s 6th seed in the playoffs, are the expert favorites to win it all this year. The Packers have won 1 Superbowl since the name change to the Superbowl, but they have won 3 championships since the beginning of the franchise. The Packers have already won the first 3 road playoff games, so going into Dallas will not be a different scenario for them. While waiting 4 hours and 35 minutes in the draft room, than having to wait for Brett Favre to be shipped out to New York, Aaron Rodgers finally gets his chance to get out of the shadow that he has been hidden in. The California, championship belt wearing kid will make his first Superbowl appearance with the cheeseheads supporters backing him up.

The 45th Superbowl could just be a match-up of defenses or it could be a game of chess and who messes up first. The Steelers on paper have a better defense with only allowing 14.5 points per game and the Packers right behind them, only allowing 15 points per game. Than on the offense side of the ball, Aaron Rodgers stats show him having the upper hand over Ben Roethlisberger with throwing 28 touchdowns and 10 interceptions, while Roethlisberger threw only 17 touchdowns and only 5 interceptions. Roethlisberger may be able to move in the pocket, but Rodgers can and probably will match his every move.

On February 6th, 2011 I have a feeling that the Green Bay Packers will be the team celebrating at the end of the 4th quarter. Aaron Rodgers will be the one holding the Lombardi trophy in one hand, and the Most Valuable Player trophy in the other. The Green Bay Packers and all of the cheeseheads will be celebrating their first Superbowl win in over 14 years with the final score being 31 to 28. Superbowl victories always come down to the kicker, right?
Heres the 2nd article I wrote.
I feel like this is more of an essay, then an article.
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Old 01-27-2011, 11:40 AM    (permalink
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-"Chess match" is usually used to describe a battle of coaches. There's wiggle room here, but if you're not even going to mention the coaches, ya may want to re-think the title.

-then/than is still mis-used a couple times.

-The Packers have actually won 12 championships. Most before the Super Bowl era.

-still lacks direction. If ya want to make it an 'in-depth prediction' you may want to provide more insight as to how you arrived at your prediction other than basic stats.
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Old 01-27-2011, 02:15 PM    (permalink
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-"Chess match" is usually used to describe a battle of coaches. There's wiggle room here, but if you're not even going to mention the coaches, ya may want to re-think the title.

-then/than is still mis-used a couple times.

-The Packers have actually won 12 championships. Most before the Super Bowl era.

-still lacks direction. If ya want to make it an 'in-depth prediction' you may want to provide more insight as to how you arrived at your prediction other than basic stats.
Oh alright, thank you. Much appreciated.
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